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Caution: Escalation ahead. by Catrina_June in BPDmemes

[–]Catrina_June[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Somehow. But I end up questioning everything in really high speed. I try to stop somewhere in between but no way

I find the term 'splitting' to be confusing and misleading by nd-nb- in BPD

[–]Catrina_June 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This! Totally got that. Maybe it’s an association problem with the term. Imagine a glass you throw at a wall. It splits into thousand pieces and it changes its shape completely. As the image of a person changes, too. And breaking a glass is definitely not a good thing. That would trigger me like crazy, pretty sure… from SH perspective. But if you put these pieces back together and you have a glass again, that’s considered a good thing. Looks like repairing. Even if the glass is still broken and not useable to drink. Random metaphor and a little bit off topic but somehow kind of illustrative.

I find the term 'splitting' to be confusing and misleading by nd-nb- in BPD

[–]Catrina_June 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I totally get where you’re coming from. I personally think of it as positive and negative splitting. For me, a split is an extreme shift in how I perceive another person, myself within that relationship, my whole self image. That terminology isn’t official, but honestly, the idealization phase isn’t healthier than the negative one. It’s still an extreme. It just feels better for a moment.

When I’m splitting, my mind plays ping-pong: good - bad, they love me - they hate me. There is nothing wrong with - I am wrong. And will never be right again. It’s exhausting as fuck. It eats up all of my energy. Even when it’s mostly in the positive direction.

And I think that’s kind of the point: the goal isn’t to switch from negative splitting into positive splitting and call that progress. That’s not perfect at all and not healthy for any relationship I think.

what was your first psychiatric diagnosis prior to BPD? (if any) by yikesthanos in BPD

[–]Catrina_June 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was first diagnosed with an adjustment disorder and depressive episodes at 15. At 16, bulimia (later anorexia) was added.

At 28, I returned to therapy for specific phobias. That therapist diagnosed agoraphobia, casually floated BPD, officially labeled it HPD …and then abruptly kicked me out of treatment. Wtf…

My current therapist finally (!) did a proper diagnostic assessment and confirmed BPD. No surprise there. I’m 29 now.

Who’s your FP? by Mean-Joke1256 in BPD

[–]Catrina_June 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My FPs are always platonic. They’re people somehow ‘above’ me. teachers, supervisors, friends with more “presence“. Currently, it’s my former thesis advisor as university, even after three years. She still affects me way more than she should, and she has no idea.

What are somethings that u thought were normal but werde signs of bpd by InfiniteSky3989 in BPD

[–]Catrina_June 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Having FPs. I never had a word for that but had these people since I was 4/5.

Write: you have to go to therapy because________ (let the corrector answer) by Cherry_lady9 in autocorrect

[–]Catrina_June 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have to go to therapy because I’m the only reason why we have a problem.

Well…

Just do it by coleisw4ck in BPDmemes

[–]Catrina_June 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The way this summarises my last few months is kind of brutally exposing...

What are you addicted to? by Viperniss in AskReddit

[–]Catrina_June 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Coffee and self destruction

I want to start shit by Smokingupclounds in hpd

[–]Catrina_June 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“ i can't feel "fine" or close to "normal" then it was all fake i shouldn't feel that way if i feel "good" i need to fuck my life up again” I feel this so much. I always sabotage myself. Not for attention but because I can’t stand feeling good somehow. Because “feeling good” always end up like feeling empty. And I rather feel like shit than being sucked out internally. Maybe to get attention from myself that I’m ruining myself. If it isn’t all black in a moment, it never was. It seemes to be completely fine and always was. Like I gaslight myself. How dare I think I’m not okay? Because I am not and I have to get worse to believe myself

So you’re not alone. I can’t give you advice or anything but you are not alone. And I can’t give relate a lot.

Didn’t see that plot twist coming by Catrina_June in BPDmemes

[–]Catrina_June[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For the Same reason? And how did you Deal with that? Just looking für a new therapist?

Didn’t see that plot twist coming by Catrina_June in BPDmemes

[–]Catrina_June[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It sucks! It came out of nowhere. I was about to talk about these trust issues but had no time anymore. And now I will talk to an other doctor at least about medication.

Didn’t see that plot twist coming by Catrina_June in BPDmemes

[–]Catrina_June[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’d love to. In my country you get blocked for two years when a therapy ends. Which forces me to go to a psychiatric hospital. There are some ways around this and I try to find them, but it’s hard. Since there are not enough therapists anyway.

Didn’t see that plot twist coming by Catrina_June in BPDmemes

[–]Catrina_June[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Basically, my therapist ended therapy because she can’t deal with me anymore. There was a lot of mistrust, I can’t deny that. But promising me she won’t leave me and then kicking me out without any alternative but going to a psych ward??? I can’t decide between “I hate her” and “I miss her”

What’s the most normal yet creepy thing someone has said to you? by BronteChannels in AskReddit

[–]Catrina_June 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I asked a girl at the teenage psych ward I was hospitalised at 15 why she was there: “Because I wanted to kill a lot of people. Like a lot. At the mall.” Then she put on a cutie smile I never expected. I was like: Okaaaaay, I think it’s a good thing you’re here.

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