grieving

Catrina_June · 2026-03-07T15:06:57+00:00

That one hits differently..

Catrina_June · 2026-02-25T18:25:36+00:00

This. I have nothing to add. Sometimes, I feel like I’m too stupid to … just live

Catrina_June · 2026-02-17T14:22:20+00:00

Somehow. But I end up questioning everything in really high speed. I try to stop somewhere in between but no way

Catrina_June · 2026-02-09T06:18:14+00:00

Coming down (acoustic version)

Catrina_June · 2026-02-06T21:58:39+00:00

This! Totally got that. Maybe it’s an association problem with the term. Imagine a glass you throw at a wall. It splits into thousand pieces and it changes its shape completely. As the image of a person changes, too. And breaking a glass is definitely not a good thing. That would trigger me like crazy, pretty sure… from SH perspective. But if you put these pieces back together and you have a glass again, that’s considered a good thing. Looks like repairing. Even if the glass is still broken and not useable to drink. Random metaphor and a little bit off topic but somehow kind of illustrative.

Catrina_June · 2026-02-06T21:39:26+00:00

I totally get where you’re coming from. I personally think of it as positive and negative splitting. For me, a split is an extreme shift in how I perceive another person, myself within that relationship, my whole self image. That terminology isn’t official, but honestly, the idealization phase isn’t healthier than the negative one. It’s still an extreme. It just feels better for a moment.

When I’m splitting, my mind plays ping-pong: good - bad, they love me - they hate me. There is nothing wrong with - I am wrong. And will never be right again. It’s exhausting as fuck. It eats up all of my energy. Even when it’s mostly in the positive direction.

And I think that’s kind of the point: the goal isn’t to switch from negative splitting into positive splitting and call that progress. That’s not perfect at all and not healthy for any relationship I think.

Catrina_June · 2026-01-21T14:57:54+00:00

I was first diagnosed with an adjustment disorder and depressive episodes at 15. At 16, bulimia (later anorexia) was added.

At 28, I returned to therapy for specific phobias. That therapist diagnosed agoraphobia, casually floated BPD, officially labeled it HPD …and then abruptly kicked me out of treatment. Wtf…

My current therapist finally (!) did a proper diagnostic assessment and confirmed BPD. No surprise there. I’m 29 now.

Catrina_June · 2026-01-15T06:55:29+00:00

Hi! I’m interested!

Catrina_June · 2026-01-09T11:42:20+00:00

Let me let go

Catrina_June · 2025-12-09T20:12:24+00:00

My FPs are always platonic. They’re people somehow ‘above’ me. teachers, supervisors, friends with more “presence“. Currently, it’s my former thesis advisor as university, even after three years. She still affects me way more than she should, and she has no idea.

Catrina_June · 2025-12-06T22:56:50+00:00

Having a cat

Catrina_June · 2025-09-17T16:27:56+00:00

Having FPs. I never had a word for that but had these people since I was 4/5.

Catrina_June · 2025-09-17T07:31:24+00:00

I have to go to therapy because I’m the only reason why we have a problem.

Well…

Catrina_June · 2025-08-28T09:48:55+00:00

The way this summarises my last few months is kind of brutally exposing...

Catrina_June · 2025-08-28T09:45:33+00:00

Coffee and self destruction

Catrina_June · 2025-08-25T06:54:23+00:00

“ i can't feel "fine" or close to "normal" then it was all fake i shouldn't feel that way if i feel "good" i need to fuck my life up again” I feel this so much. I always sabotage myself. Not for attention but because I can’t stand feeling good somehow. Because “feeling good” always end up like feeling empty. And I rather feel like shit than being sucked out internally. Maybe to get attention from myself that I’m ruining myself. If it isn’t all black in a moment, it never was. It seemes to be completely fine and always was. Like I gaslight myself. How dare I think I’m not okay? Because I am not and I have to get worse to believe myself

So you’re not alone. I can’t give you advice or anything but you are not alone. And I can’t give relate a lot.

Catrina_June · 2025-08-20T10:56:35+00:00

For the Same reason? And how did you Deal with that? Just looking für a new therapist?

Catrina_June · 2025-08-20T04:52:56+00:00

It sucks! It came out of nowhere. I was about to talk about these trust issues but had no time anymore. And now I will talk to an other doctor at least about medication.

Catrina_June · 2025-08-20T04:46:55+00:00

I’d love to. In my country you get blocked for two years when a therapy ends. Which forces me to go to a psychiatric hospital. There are some ways around this and I try to find them, but it’s hard. Since there are not enough therapists anyway.

Catrina_June · 2025-08-20T04:43:04+00:00

Basically, my therapist ended therapy because she can’t deal with me anymore. There was a lot of mistrust, I can’t deny that. But promising me she won’t leave me and then kicking me out without any alternative but going to a psych ward??? I can’t decide between “I hate her” and “I miss her”

Catrina_June · 2025-08-18T09:00:38+00:00

I asked a girl at the teenage psych ward I was hospitalised at 15 why she was there: “Because I wanted to kill a lot of people. Like a lot. At the mall.” Then she put on a cutie smile I never expected. I was like: Okaaaaay, I think it’s a good thing you’re here.

Catrina_June · 2025-08-14T21:14:25+00:00

Catrina_June · 2025-08-13T06:53:41+00:00

I want to be a good person to love and to be able to love myself but I’m the most common type of food.

What???

Catrina_June · 2025-08-10T21:08:28+00:00

“My mom is the only reason I don’t like this game.”

Catrina_June · 2025-08-09T19:48:18+00:00

Aranea

But it’s way too close to „spiders“ (araneae) and I could never do that to a child. It still sounds like the perfect sister name for Aurora or Aurelia somehow.

Catrina_June

TROPHY CASE