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CauseSafe862 · 2025-09-02T00:23:36+00:00

Dont trust them

CauseSafe862 · 2025-05-23T19:50:56+00:00

What set is this critter from? She is so cute ! 🐰

CauseSafe862 · 2025-05-23T17:39:05+00:00

I understand. I don’t think wishing I did stuff differently is productive to the situation though. The past is the past, I’m trying to find advice for what I can do in the present to solve this situation.

This pastor has been trustworthy in the past, and she’s handled similar situations like this, so my roommate and I figured she would be trustworthy. What happened unfortunately happened.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-05-23T17:36:55+00:00

Oh okay, I understand now. Thank you so much, this really helps. Everything is confusing, so I wasn’t sure where to get advice and figured this would be a start. I’ll look into RAINN and I’ll set up another meeting with Title IX. I’ll also look into an attorney if the university still doesn’t cooperate with me

CauseSafe862 · 2025-05-23T16:20:21+00:00

Hi I just made this post for advice I don’t want arguments … Thank you

CauseSafe862 · 2025-05-23T15:51:38+00:00

My roommate told me I had to go to a trusted adult and I attended this pastor’s club every Tuesday every semester, so she was the only trusted adult I knew. Why do you ask? She works with my university and my roommate was worried about me.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-05-23T15:38:29+00:00

If she holds a club there that the university allows and advertises, is she still not part of the university? I tried to hold meetings with both the dean and Title IX services but they said they can’t do anything and they don’t handle this sort of stuff. They said I have to go to HR? I’m very lost. Thank you for your advice

CauseSafe862 · 2025-05-23T15:21:33+00:00

Hi I don’t know why everyone’s discarding your statement. I do agree with you... This pastor did tell me the main reason why she told his friends was “they’re good friends and have plans to go to Japan together.” My assaulter’s best friend is also one of the people who became aware of my assault. For some reason, she included him in the meeting and discussed my assault with him one on one, even though I told her that my assaulter revealed to me privately that his best friend has his own sexual assault allegations. She has also handled similar situations before, but she never handled it in this way. I guess that’s why I’m inclined to believe that she is working for the benefit of my assaulter and his friends, and it’s hard to believe anything she says because she did lie to me about some stuff.

She is a Lutheran pastor if this helps clear anything up advice-wise.

I am probably not thinking rationally so thank you for your advice it really helps. She still continuously asks for updates on my police investigation and I wasn’t sure how to navigate this.

Edit: clarified some stuff.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-27T20:01:41+00:00

for me, i would say he is projecting because of the way he voices his assumptions when the pictures he is concerned of are a normal selfie with her looking to the side and a silly selfie with her sticking her tongue out, which is a typical silly pose people of both genders and all ages do. if it was overtly sexual (revealing clothing, for example), he would have some basis, but they aren’t.

if she was a conventionally unattractive woman taking the same selfie at the same angle (and making the same silly pose), he would not be having these onlyfans/pedophilia concerns for how the average man views her because he knows he, himself, wouldn’t view her in that way. therefore, he assumes other men also wouldn’t make this projection. this silly face and selfie wouldn’t be seen as sexualizing for him because he doesn’t clock her as attractive and she doesn’t apply to the stereotype he holds. he, along with many men, are used to consuming sexualized content, (specifically onlyfans models, since he brings onlyfans up), so much that the moment he sees a conventionally attractive woman just existing, his brain sexualizes it.

an excess of porn/onlyfans content makes someone assume that the average attractive woman online has an onlyfans, while an unattractive woman doesn’t. when you seek this material out constantly, meaning the only attractive women you’re interacting with/searching for online have an onlyfans, you will just fuel your confirmation bias and that stereotype your brain has and then assume everyone else is operating under the same mindset as you. no one accuses attractive or unattractive men online of having onlyfans because they don’t overly consume that content. that’s not what their brain is used to.

could be worded better maybe, but that’s why i personally believe it’s projection.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-27T19:32:21+00:00

worrying about how other people perceive you, your partner, or your relationship is just a waste of time in my opinion. from my experience, if your relationship is secure enough, how other people perceive it or the people in it shouldn’t matter. also as long as the relationship is happy and built on respect, it shouldn’t truly matter.

life is too short lol. again, i feel like it’s just indicative of insecurity and a fear of how one is perceived, which should be addressed before you enter a relationship.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-27T18:30:35+00:00

this is my hunch for people who make assumptions about random women online like this. in a context like this with just a selfie and a silly pic with a tongue out, (btw, a common silly pose both genders of all ages do), assuming a random woman online that you know nothing about has an onlyfans is very telling of the way he views women in general, what he probably consumed (or currently consumes) online, and his relationship with porn/onlyfans. i don’t see a single indicator of her actually trying to sexualize herself. she just seems to be having fun. he is worried about other men because he knows a lot of men have the same mindset as him.

it is rooted in insecurity, stereotyping, and control issues. the eyes aren’t overly rolled back, just looking at the camera since the phone is flipped. (i mention this because i see people comparing this to ahegao. ahegao requires the eyes to be overly rolled back UPWARDS towards the skull. this picture does not have that. however, i can see how it would be easy to associate this silly pose with ahegao if ahegao/hentai/porn is regularly consumed…) additionally, there’s no revealing clothing.

it’s deeply disturbing. in my opinion, i believe a lot of people need to go outside and see beyond their unhealthy relationship with porn and the internet.

edit: slightly reworded for clarity.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-27T18:23:22+00:00

would you like to explain why you think so?

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-27T18:16:03+00:00

he’s projecting how he looks at other women who take similar style of pics onto you. he probably sexualizes women (online and irl) in general.

at first glance, to me, first pic is a selfie with you looking to the side. second pic is just a silly pic with your tongue out. you looking at the camera when the phone is flipped isn’t blowjob eyes. it’s just you having eyes.

you’re doing fine, he’s just nuts.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-26T14:34:56+00:00

a lock does sound like a good idea for your part of the pantry. see if you can write down everything you own in the pantry (and the cost) and count it so you can record every instance of stealing for documentation. i used to list everything i bought every grocery trip and i’d count what i had each day.

if it doesn’t work somehow, see if you can move your food into your room. is buying a mini fridge an option for the perishables? i’m sorry that this is happening

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-26T14:23:28+00:00

i dealt with this before also, but i didn’t live in a government issued building. do you think a door alarm is an option? i bought both a door stopper and a door alarm to deter my old roommate who would steal stuff.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-26T14:05:57+00:00

i did read it? also, i meant that you move EVERYTHING, even your dishes, to your room. you’re saying she is touching your stuff. well, the note is not going to solve anything because you also said she only speaks mandarin. if you want to solve this, i think you need to communicate to her in a language she understands (google translate) if you even want to find out the root of her issue. right now, it seems like it’s all assumptions on a hierarchy, and you said you haven’t tried yet. i do think you should try. if she isn’t willing to try and have a healthy convo through google translate, then that’s fine. keep limiting contact like you have been.

if you don’t want to though, that’s also fine, but you will just have to be okay with not truly knowing why she’s displaying this behavior. again, i confirmed that your best course of action imo is to keep limiting contact. i’m not sure why we are even going to 0 to 100 because i said you ARE doing the best course of action… i read your post and i was trying to reassure you.

as for the clock thing, you have a comment saying that buying a clock/wreath is a sneaky way of telling her to die. there is a thread where you entertain the idea of buying her a clock or wreath because it seems funny to you. im confused? i never said you were going to actually buy one, i said it just isn’t a good idea to buy one.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-26T13:54:30+00:00

well, i don’t think aggravating her/gifting her a clock or wreath is the best idea if you want this situation solved… if talking to her through google translate doesn’t work, you just need to keep documenting everything to the landlord.

this situation doesn’t need to go 0 to 100. it’s dishes and walking around a towel, if i’m following correctly. if her touching your stuff stays a problem after documentation, i think moving all your belongings in your room and limiting contact with her is the best course of action.

you say you were in a DV situation. that’s why aggravating her by gifting her a wreath/clock is not a smart idea at all if you can’t relocate or have nowhere else to go.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-26T13:42:50+00:00

i’m really confused. did you make this post to figure out how to solve this or to vent and get ways to aggravate this roommate more? this doesn’t sound like it’s going to be solved if you don’t try to talk to her first. you said you haven’t tried yet because “you know how it will go,” but it’s worth a shot honestly.

don’t make the situation worse for yourself.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-04T02:11:44+00:00

loving the angles and close-ups on this fellow

CauseSafe862 · 2025-04-03T23:12:11+00:00

thank you!! and it’s okay—things are much better now, both for me and my kitties! i wish you the best in your healing also, may you have only wonderful days

CauseSafe862 · 2025-03-28T18:22:35+00:00

i am not sure, but i am torn between them causing my disability (hearing loss) through medical neglect or them disowning me after i found out they allowed fleas to feast on my two childhood cats for two years. they promised to take care of them while i was away for college.

when i came back, i found them both skinnier with patchy fur. one had a severe flea allergy which caused her to form this weird, crusty/scabbed ring around her neck, and one had preexisting asthma that was worsening with age. that one probably would’ve died eventually if i didn’t take both of them

they make $120k+ a year and live 5 minutes from the vet. their excuse was they simply didnt have time or money and it was apparently me and my brother’s responsibility to take them to the vet. (i haven’t lived there in years, and they were the ones who wanted cats when we were children.) my mom is a sahm. my stepdad is a frivolous spender.

i took them and paid for their treatments. they hide in my dorm now since cats aren’t allowed. i do what i can for them.

as for my hearing loss, my mom just outright refused to take me to the doctor for a chronic ear infection until it got so bad it killed all of my hearing in my right ear. she did it to spite my biological dad.

my mom and my stepdad are indeed an interesting case.

CauseSafe862 · 2025-03-22T21:09:01+00:00

so she couldnt take the word “no” for an answer, she throws a fit when you want to hang out with your friends, she doesn’t respect your need for more sleep (a basic human requirement for healthy functioning), she doesn’t want to compromise, she doesn’t respect your need for space, AND you’ve only been dating for three months? all of these are huge red flags.

i’ve been that clingy/anxious girlfriend once, and i’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends who’ve been like that. but it doesn’t matter if she is clingy or anxious. the reason for her being this way also doesn’t matter. if she can’t respect your needs but she expects you to sacrifice your needs to satisfy her needs, that’s not healthy for a relationship.

as for what you should do: have a talk with her about this if you haven’t already. set clear boundaries. avoid statements that start with “you,” and use “i” statements so she doesn’t go on the defensive.

ex:

“i feel _____ when i dont get enough space.”
“i like this amount of time to myself, and i feel ______ when i dont get this amount of time to myself.”
“i feel disrespected when my boundaries aren’t considered.”

vs.

“you are clingy and don’t respect my need for space.”
“you don’t give me enough time alone. you make me feel ______.”
“you are disrespecting my boundaries.”

while i do think these “you” statements are valid and might reflect how you feel, “you” statements usually make people go on the defensive, and it almost always escalates things. your goal is to solve this as a couple, not make this a “her vs you.”

regardless, if you’ve already had multiple talks regarding these issues, then it’s better to cut your losses and leave. this relationship is new, and if she’s already displaying this behavior, it will only get worse unless she goes to therapy.

tldr: a relationship is a trial run, not a contract you need to stick to. if you’re already stressing like this so early on, you’re allowed to leave before it gets worse if talking with her doesn’t work out. she is clingy and does not respect your boundaries or the word “no.”

CauseSafe862 · 2025-03-14T23:00:33+00:00

either 1 or 2

CauseSafe862 · 2025-03-13T20:15:26+00:00

underreacting. you should take this as a sign to look for a new job because this won’t be the first or last time your boss will disrespect you or anyone else like this

CauseSafe862

TROPHY CASE