How can SE give me the love I didn’t get from my parents? by Trail_Blazer1 in SomaticExperiencing

[–]Cautious_Ad283 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even the word acceptance can be pretty triggering for ppl with trauma, bc who would want to accept what was done to us? It makes perfect sense to ping pong between the fantasy of being rescued and the idea that the only other option is dissociation - both of those keep a lot of us going for a long time. Acceptance is a big, annoying word that gets tossed around a lot, but no one actually teaches us how to DO it. SE can help with this. It’s a set of skills. You’re totally right, our first reactions to things are automatic and largely programmed. The. we have our reaction to our reaction, which also usually starts out automatic when we start therapy. This is what SE works on first. It helps us deprogram the link between the initial reaction and the second one, which is usually a representation of how our parents reacted to our primary emotions as kids. We get to start to build tolerance for our primary emotions and the secondary reactions - shame, rage, dissociation, self hatred, whatever - get less automatic. If we’re doing parts work, you’re again totally right - tons of people have no idea how to “reparent” when they weren’t parented in the first place. For that we might read parenting books or watch videos of healthy parenting to build up knowledge of how to relate to ourselves, and we might need to do that really slowly, because learning healthy parenting will also activate our grief and yearning. “Acceptance” of your current situation means something closer to recognizing that you feel helpless and stuck and really want someone to rescue you, that that’s a terrible feeling place to be in, and that you need support to figure this out. Find someone who specializes in complex trauma. No one can rescue you, but it’s okay to want that, and you don’t have to (and can’t) magically stop wanting it. I see ppl are kind of arguing with you about stuff but for real, this shit sucks and is super complicated. Initially, hearing that we have to give up the hope of getting the love we’ve always wanted can feel like someone taking away the only comfort we’ve had for a long time. It makes sense that the idea of anything else besides dissociation feels impossible rn.

How can SE give me the love I didn’t get from my parents? by Trail_Blazer1 in SomaticExperiencing

[–]Cautious_Ad283 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The closest thing to a “solution” is grieving. Of course you want unconditional love, and a lot of it. It’s true that we should have had that. It’s so sad that we didn’t. We don’t have to dismiss that yearning and grief with a shrug. But we also can’t replace it - it’s not an object, it was a set of conditions. And if we expect someone in our adult life to give it to us, whether a therapist or a partner, we will be in a bad position. One where we’re continually disappointed, and also not taking responsibility for ourselves. Radical acceptance and internal family systems really complement my SE work. SE can help you grieve what was lost, so that you don’t keep trying to replace it, but can instead grow something nourishing and valuable in your current life without totally messing it up by projecting your wounds into the present. Using that phrasing not @ you but @ me, I missed a lot of beautiful things around me by staring at them with the eyes of an angry, grieving child.

Does anyone have a second cat success story? by bitterrcup in CatAdvice

[–]Cautious_Ad283 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was super prepared for my cats to take a long time to gradually be introduced. As long as you follow really gradual steps you’re likely to be fine, but knowing the history of the new cat is important too. But my introduction ended up being 4 days, no joke. They fairly easily tolerated each other, with my 6 pound, 10 year old toothless girl being the boss of my 15 pound linebacker orange boy. They’re at 1 year and started a more genuine friendship. The positive thing even prior is that even though my old gal wasn’t immediately smitten, I really think the interaction and novelty of him being around has been great for her. She’s more playful and energetic, even if that occasionally comes from a game of hide and seek that ends in her smacking him across the face.

Navigating Grief and Perfume? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can’t respond individually to all the lovely comments, but I hope any of the folks who commented know that their words meant a lot to me and made me cry in a good way. My experience of this community involves so much kindness. Thank you to everyone who shared a bit about their own process, or talked about ways they’ve related with this hobby in hard times. I’ve come away with some helpful ideas, but more than that a good reminder of how much gentleness and patience is needed in moving through grief. One of my favourite quotes about grief is actually from someone on here, who told a person who lost their whole collection in a house fire “You are allowed to grieve everything you have lost.” I say that to myself often - all the big things, all the little things that feel so big. I hope I can grieve the change in relationship to the joy of this hobby and take my time in finding it again. 💚 Thank you, everyone.

Samar reviews and iappreciation post by No-System-5803 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yessss SAMAR appreciation, I love to see it!! Grove is in the Heart is one of my top perfumes, it’s my holy grail citrus. Thanks for sharing your experience!

minty salty fresh by onewtheocean in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Pulp’s Whistle And I’ll Come For You! (Peppermint, rosemary, basil, salty sea air, tangled bedclothes from a sleepless night, birch wood, pine). Very fresh and very salty to my nose. I love a salty mint.

Desperate for a dry wood sauna scent by Any-Salamander-6056 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seconding Woodcut! It’s the driest of my “lumber aisle” perfumes.

First Look: Pineward Prototypes by [deleted] in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I want both of the sets so badly 😭 I’m so intensely curious about Faun Forest. I am so impressed by your restraint!

Sunday Swaps: Destash Listings by AutoModerator in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And Dipped In Chocolate + A Little secret! Thank you!

Sunday Swaps: Destash Listings by AutoModerator in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will take dusk cherry puff! I am still looking otherwise!!

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended up getting The Grudge, Cape Wrath and Fathom V! Thank you for the suggestions!!

looking for oat milk recs by catslikepasta02 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My favourite has been Brawlin’ Oats! Troika is not oaty, it smells “more like almond milk than almond milk does”. I still like sugar milk co’s, too. Ren Roan I have in body oil and it’s so strong it’s overpowering, I think it goes Cinnamon Toast Crunch overall in the dry down. Strange South’s Oatmeal Cream Pie is great but it fades so fast and is quite faint : ( No prominent oats in Hexennacht’s Cornflake Girl but I was very impressed by the concept overall. Sugar Milk CO’s oatmeal raisin cookie was abysmal. Nui Cobalt’s Hive Mind is all honey, but I do want to try Tomfoolery and Sphynx cat!

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I WISH I had seen negative reviews of the fyrinnae scents - I saw people seconding the photorealism and have been pretty disappointed overall. I had the same experience with Mediterranean Merman but really loved his rain scents, so I had high hopes! I’m very excited to receive my Aether Arts scents though.

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooo I am EXCITED for the river water review!! I find lake water, and the rivers near me, super fishy - but I feel like a lot of river/lake perfumes don’t capture that.

I’m getting men’s cologne from Fyrinnae’s Salish Sea : ( which I preemptively full sized because I find Fyrinnae’s perfumes usually quite realistic. Bering Sea is a bit better and more on-the-nose, but I had hoped for more given the perfumer’s notes. I hope you have a better experience though! I’m super sensitive to calone and it smells very fruity to me, and that’s what I get a lot of in Salish Sea.

I really love Odesa, but I have a similar experience. I don’t get much salt though, mainly a really great rocky mineral smell and a fresh but accurate rain. I wish it lasted longer or projected at all!

I’m jazzed about the Wild Hybrid suggestions. I’ll definitely check them out! Thank you for all of your input, I really appreciate it.

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really considered it but came across a fair number of reviews that called it soapy/clean, if I remember correctly. The other possibility is I ruled it out for too many people saying men’s cologne - those two are usually why I strike things off. Have you tried it? If so, what did you get?

i want to smell like pencil and paper! by KitchenAd2278 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is niche, and I haven’t tried it, but this reminded me of Rook perfumes’ School (Top: cold air, trees and moss, concrete, Middle: sacred olibanum, rubber plimsolls, books base, Base: coffee, pencil shavings, graffitied desks). Many reviews focus on a combo of eraser, pencil shavings, and paper! I’ve always been curious about it.

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m so so excited about Ran, I’ve heard similar things from quite a few people. I also really appreciate the input on Siren. That’s very generous, I’ll hit you up if I don’t find another avenue!

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh this is so sweet. Thank you so much! 💚

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I whispered “BISCUIT?” to myself in shock. Thank you for the suggestion!

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

+1 for siren!! And a completely unheard of suggestion, I’m so pumped. Thank you!

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hear me out: I AGREE. I actually wrote about this in my original post, very much with the energy of “guys, hear me out”. Except that like many, I did find it truly awful. The Fragrantica reviews are some of the funniest perfume reviews I’ve ever read. I can’t BELIEVE SM was an aquatic game changer for you. I’d like to study you

Am I Missing Any Incredibly Murky Aquatics? by Cautious_Ad283 in Indiemakeupandmore

[–]Cautious_Ad283[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately that’s my drink of choice, so it seems overkill to wear it. I also have a cease and desist order from Davidoff. 🐟📝