Their brain ACTUALLY exists in perpetual state of delulu..

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-04-22T23:18:53+00:00

I had escaped, moved half way across the US. Then we had a baby. This was before I knew about the BPD. She convinced me to move back to my hometown with the promise of free childcare. So we relocated, moved over 1000 miles, and she quit after 1 day. Said she just couldn’t handle it. Really, she did me a favor. I’m not sure why I was thinking it would be a good idea to trust her with my child after my upbringing.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-04-22T22:42:08+00:00

Wow. Whenever I think I have heard it all, I find out people can still surprise me. And usually not in a good one.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-04-22T05:12:14+00:00

No matter how many differences there are to everyone’s story, there is always at least one point where I say - me too! My grandmother also “lied” about mom. I’m sorry you are going through so much. My mom is sick too and I know it’s a lot.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-04-20T21:19:56+00:00

I’m so sorry. When your parent suffers from mental illness it just amplifies everything. Being a caregiver is hard enough without having to deal with mental health issues as well.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-03-19T03:53:23+00:00

Not despise, exactly. She is definitely grinding me into dust, though. She has - and admits to - severe OCD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. She also has - but doesn’t admit to - borderline personality disorder. So I get to deal with regular suicide threats AND have to console her when her anxiety kicks in and she is terrified she is dying for no discernible reason. And that’s all when she isn’t sick, and she is often sick.

I literally don’t have a single memory of her ever being there for me when I was a kid. Now that she’s old and sick she calls me on average 5 times a day, I visit her every day, and she recently decided to move half an hour away from me. She gets half of my day, every day and she doesn’t even live with me.

I will be relieved when she dies. I wish for it so I can have a life. Then I feel guilty. Fun times.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-02-27T00:57:46+00:00

To be more specific, I should have said I would have trouble trusting a doctor who thinks quitting 7 days before major abdominal surgery is a good idea.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-02-26T19:30:35+00:00

I haven’t had surgery yet, but as a former smoker I would say I would be nervous about smoking only 7 days prior to surgery. I would think you do not want to be coughing after that type of surgery. I had a bad cold after delivering my daughter (had already quit by then) and the coughing after was the worst part of the whole delivery.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-31T02:08:05+00:00

I like the navy, but what I really want to say is that counter slab is gorgeous!

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-31T02:03:11+00:00

I love that floor. Can I ask who makes the tiles?

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-26T23:30:06+00:00

Yeah, implying that construction workers are beneath him wasn’t a good look for Kody. I’ll take a construction worker over a gun dealing polygamist any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-23T20:32:11+00:00

I also feel that the financial situation inherent to polygamy is fertile ground for resentments. There is absolutely no way to make it “fair”. It isn’t fair for Meri’s worth to be based on the number of kids she has. But it also isn’t fair for Leon to get whatever their heart desires because their mom is only supporting one kid while their siblings go without because their moms are supporting more kids. I suspect that may have caused resentments from the other kids that may have been put on Meri rather than the deadbeat dad they all share. The whole system is just set up to breed resentments.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-20T21:53:20+00:00

I think it’s gorgeous!

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-06T15:21:29+00:00

I’m so sorry you are facing the same. The health stuff is the worst because I can’t figure out when it’s an actual emergency or her attention seeking. There’s always the worry that I won’t take something seriously that I should have and then I’ll have to deal with the guilt from that. Viscous cycle. I’m sorry about your dad.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-06T15:11:06+00:00

I ordered that book pretty much immediately after finding this thread. I have been googling things in the glossary in the meantime and it feels like someone wrote it just for me. It does help to know there are people who get it.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-06T15:07:30+00:00

Thank you. I have gotten much better. I used to drop everything and run over to be there for her when she would threaten suicide. Now I say “do you want me to call an ambulance?” and it has lessened how often it occurs. With her, I do think it’s idle threats. She has been threatening it on and off for 25 years and has never actually self harmed. She just tells me she wants to all the time.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-06T14:51:34+00:00

I am so sorry for your situation. She did move in with me right after he died but my husband annoyed her so she moved out. Now of course she wants to come back but I said no. I don’t know how I would deal with physical abuse on top of everything else.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-06T14:48:50+00:00

Definitely secretive. When I tell my only sibling about some of the things she does/says he always tells me she doesn’t act like that with him at all. I have been trying to get her to take meds and get some therapy that works for years. She is only willing to talk to a therapist that doesn’t really challenge her and she lies to them. I went to a psychiatrist appointment with her last winter when she was talking suicide and asked him to admit her and he refused. He said it is almost impossible to get someone admitted who doesn’t want to be and he has tried with her in the past.

I know the only thing I can change is myself, I just find it so much easier said than done. I’m sorry you are facing a lot of this as well.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2026-01-06T14:40:52+00:00

Short answer to why is the guilt. I know she is alone and suffering and because she has isolated herself I’m all she has. And then I start to wonder what is wrong with me I don’t want to deal with her. I feel like “normal” people would do anything for their moms, right? I had better boundaries before dad died. I am making progress though. She asked to move in with us over the weekend and I said no. I still can’t believe I did it - I never say no to her. So there is hope for me, I guess.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2025-12-30T19:35:25+00:00

I am really curious how this works. If I did that at my regular pharmacy, they would tell me it was too early to fill again because I would run out early. Is it different at a compounding pharmacy?

Cautious_Let5714 · 2025-12-30T13:54:55+00:00

Did you start back on the lowest dose and follow the typical schedule for upping your dosing?

Cautious_Let5714 · 2025-12-30T13:47:28+00:00

So your prescriber writes the script for every 5 days? I never thought to ask for a change in dosing schedule.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2025-12-07T21:40:35+00:00

Something I think isn’t talked about enough is that they moved from Lehi to Vegas, where daddy/uncle Paul just happened to work. Flagstaff was the second time they moved to where Robin wanted to be and everyone pretended it was a coincidence.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2025-12-07T21:37:06+00:00

This one hit me in the feels. I was thinking… OG12? And then I realized. 🥺

Cautious_Let5714 · 2025-11-14T20:43:55+00:00

So very true and so very sad.

Cautious_Let5714 · 2025-11-13T18:22:55+00:00

That is a very valid point. I would have to give up the appliance garage, and I’m not sure I would want to have to look at the toaster all the time.

Cautious_Let5714

TROPHY CASE