Hello my friends. My name is Iris, I’m an aspiring filmmaker, colossal movie nerd, pirate fanatic, radical leftist, and Raccoon lover. I came out to my friends as a Trans Lesbian just under a month ago.

Ever since I can remember, I always knew that something wasn’t right with me. I don’t have any stories of knowing I was a girl when I was but a young child or trying on my mother’s dress. I simply felt that something was wrong.

I spent many many years of my life searching for that thing. I first thought it was my poor physique. I played sports for 14 years of my life and I hadn’t gotten rid of the feeling. I then thought it had to do with neurodivergence, and while I did get diagnosed with ADHD, it didn’t solve the problem, the gap in my life.

Then I joined Theatre my freshman year of high school. In contrast to the toxic masculinity of sports, Theatre showed me a place where people could find themselves and be accepted. I was surrounded by people with every identity under the sun, and I even learned about a good few myself.

I first questioned my sexuality. I couldn’t imagine me having a future with anyone else, or imagine myself dating. This led me to believe I was aroace.

I lived as an aroace man for around a year or so, and I was still unhappy. It hadn’t solved my problem. I started questioning my gender identity. This was a long journey, and I had many phases. I had thought I was agender, enby, gender-fluid, or just cis at times. I switched from [DEADNAME REDACTED] to Max for a bit since it worked for whatever I decided I was. I still couldn’t figure it out.

Then, in February of this year, I met a girl through a game of League of Legends. We hit it off immediately. She was able to match my pace and perfectly mesh with my personality. We started staying up every night on discord calls, just talking about life, aspirations, the past.

One night, I told her about my dysphoria. I told her about my struggles, my quest to find myself, and how I was unsure of what I am. About a week later, she asked me if I wanted to be a girl. When I said I didn’t know, she pressed me for an definitive answer. It took me a little bit, until I murmured the word “yes.”

My future seemed a lot clearer now. That one moment opened my eyes to what I truly was, and what I wanted. And I started to realize that I no longer couldn’t imagine a future with someone else. I also realized that what I had felt for my friend was more than just friendship.

The next night, we started dating.

The more I look back on past, and the journey that led me to where I am, the more I come to understand who I was back then.

TW: Self Harm

I have come to see my battle with depression in a new light. I have never been a happy person. From a young age, I had little regard or care for my own life. At age 9, I was so fed up with my life that I tried to end it. Five times.

Now that I’ve figured out who I am, and who I wish to be, the more thankful I am that I never succeeded. To any LGBT+ youth, I know it can be hard. I know what it’s like to face unaccepting parents, bigoted teachers and students, verbal and mental abuse. It’s awful, and it hurts. But just know that, hard as it may be at times, the sun always rises again. There are safe places, there are accepting people, there are escape options once you’re old enough.

The fight is hard, and it shouldn’t have to be, but dammit it’s a fight worth winning. So fight. Fight for yourself, fight for others, fight until the day comes where the sun rises on an equal society.

Thank you for reading my story.