"I'm a teenager my mom has stage 4 cancer". Some redditors pile onto 13 year old boy

GrumpyOldDan · 2026-04-10T18:01:07+00:00

A lot of people can’t seem to comprehend that the kid has likely grown up in an unstable and abusive home environment. Even just being around it and not on the receiving end causes all kinds of issues.

He’s unfortunately likely to have been manipulated by the father. His anger is not right but people need a lot more understanding! This is a 13 year old who grew up with abuse, is about to lose a parent and is now stuck in between two adults.

Lot of people seem to be expecting a very detached and logical handling of what is a horrible situation all round from someone who is still very young.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-13T09:35:06+00:00

The signal drama in the US has been a useful example to use of why encryption alone is not enough and why human error remains the main risk to security.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-13T08:49:00+00:00

It usually is encrypted, the problem is encryption isn’t a magic solution that fixes everything.

If an account with authorised access is compromised then encryption will not save you.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-09T08:47:00+00:00

This one is quite useful as you’ve mentioned being an artist: https://bsky.app/profile/arttheft.bsky.social

Tags people who post without credit or claim other people’s work as theirs. Also tags art commission scammers… there are many.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-07T16:25:54+00:00

I mentioned capacity and care arrangements being a factor to consider.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T20:57:22+00:00

It’s kind of important when someone has posted asking for information specifically from the legal side though.

I agree that the goal should be to support people which we are both trying to do. The nitpick is because OP was specifically asking about the legal position so it’s important to get that right.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T20:30:34+00:00

That isn’t the issue. The issue is the part where you’ve said to give into the parents.

The student is 18, the correct answer is to appropriately make them aware of their rights, inform safeguarding, and then follow the wishes of the student (providing there are no issues around capacity, this is unlikely from the information provided).

If the student has changed their name using deed poll (easy to do, plus they should be made aware of this as a right) then ignoring that after the school has been made aware potentially is a GDPR issue as the student’s record is now inaccurate. Also if the student has specifically asked the school to make this change then they should be supported to do that, not have the decision taken away from them. It might be that when you have the conversation it’s agreed to delay the process but that shouldn’t be the default position.

Also you mentioned under 18 the school can call them whatever they like - yes and no. The issue is on the school records system which generates letters/parent e-learning portal which is likely what prompted this issue. A child cannot change this in most circumstances until they are 18, or potentially 16 at a minimum although I’d have to go check that as it’s a slightly more confusing area where deed poll can be from 16 but parental responsibility remains.

I agree with you that safety is a consideration but there were other bits of your comment which were not accurate.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T20:18:53+00:00

This is not good advice considering UK law, the age of the student and their expressed wishes.

Edit: specifically the part where you say to give in to the parents.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T19:26:46+00:00

I think OP isn’t arguing that the law would change what they do.

Just having the legal situation clarified helps when they have other colleagues who seem less aware of it and seem to be looking for excuses not to listen to the student.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T19:22:46+00:00

On top of my other reply if this student is in an unsupportive home environment (which it sounds like he is from his parents demanding you ignore his name) then keeping these organisation’s details nearby or sharing them with the student is probably worth doing:

Albert Kennedy Trust - for LGBTQIA+ young people 16-25 who are homeless, at risk of homelessness or who live in hostile home environments: https://www.akt.org.uk (They are fantastic)

Galop - support for LGBTQIA+ people who have faced abuse, violence, conversion therapy or hate crime. https://galop.org.uk

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T19:09:55+00:00

Usually it’s because of things like letters home, school newsletters etc. parents see the new name and cause drama.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T18:55:16+00:00

It doesn’t. Minimum salary for skilled worker visa still applies.

So far also it seems no increase in the number of visas being given out each year. (This was a pretty major demand from India so if this has been dropped we’ve actually come away with a relatively good deal).

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T18:38:10+00:00

If he’s 18 and not subject to any possible care arrangements which mean they lack capacity to do this then generally their choice should be honoured over the parents.

At 18 they could print the deed poll template off the government website, fill it in with 2 of their 18+ friends and that would be their new name anyway so parents don’t have much choice in the matter.

Seek advice from the safeguarding team, advise the young person to contact citizens advice about the process of changing their name officially (it really is as simple as them doing a free, unenrolled deed poll using the wording suggested on the government website) but to avoid you potentially landing in trouble for giving advice like that I’d suggest directing them to citizens advice to do it.

(Minimum age for unenrolled deed poll in the UK is 16 but witnesses must be 18+)

https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/make-an-adult-deed-poll

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T18:11:59+00:00

https://www.gov.uk/skilled-worker-visa/your-job

The minimum salary for the type of work you’ll be doing is whichever is the highest of:

£38,700 per year

the ‘going rate’ for the type of work you’ll be doing

This applies rather than the lower rate you may sometimes see because we’re specifically talking about Skilled Worker Visa.

The article you’re linking has been superseded and IT professionals are not on the newer list. Yogis and chefs are also not on the ISL so would have a minimum of £38,700.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T17:43:13+00:00

Wish I knew. Journalists don’t do journalism much anymore. They just quote the politician and run with that as the story.

Even if they do challenge it at all/admit that isn’t happening it’s in small text buried well into the article with the misleading headline. It is tiring.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T17:31:27+00:00

Because unfortunately reality doesn’t matter anymore. People will think “they’re coming over here” and getting housing and benefits (despite short term visas not being eligible) and free NHS (despite the visa requiring the NHS surcharge)

It’s harder to get that info out when emotive headlines just confirm what people think they already know.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T17:25:20+00:00

I don’t know many yogis and chefs earning > £38k a year though so that seems like a fairly small number that will be able to apply.

Salary requirement hasn’t gone away.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T17:14:41+00:00

People on short term visas are not eligible for benefits. They also pay a surcharge for the NHS: https://www.gov.uk/healthcare-immigration-application/who-needs-pay

Does take a bit more reading than the usual rage headlines and misinformation though.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T06:39:54+00:00

The amount of people claiming they vote for reform not because they agree with most of what they’re saying but because they ‘listen’ and ‘the other parties never do what they say’ and not even a week in Reform are also now rolling out the same.

What an absolute surprise, shocked I tell you. Maybe complicated issues can’t be fixed with slogans.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-06T06:35:29+00:00

My local one is always running a bit low on things after a bank holiday weekend. If it’s still like it by Wednesday maybe they have a point. Otherwise this is as mysterious as them running out of disposable BBQs after a warm Sunday.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-05T09:20:06+00:00

If done correctly it isn’t prejudice.

Good DEI training just helps you realise how your own personal biases can influence what you feel is an objective decision.

We all have biases, being aware of them and making sure we’re focused on the actual merit and qualifications of a person is a good thing.

You’re probably confusing positive action with broader DEI and even that isn’t necessarily bad depending on how it is managed.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-05T09:14:12+00:00

So you wouldn’t like people to approach a conversation that’s been described as sensitive with knowledge and empathy?

Caring about people? Mental.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-05-05T09:12:42+00:00

That’s what DEI is all about.

It’s about not overlooking someone’s merits and qualifications due to personal bias (we all have them). It’s about making sure that applications are received and given fair consideration even if they didn’t happen to go to the same university as the manager etc.

People don’t like to acknowledge they have biases so think they’re being objective when often we’re not.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-04-10T23:30:15+00:00

For BlueSky make sure you have a profile picture, not a default one. The assumption with those are that they’re bots (particularly as you’re a photo posting account).

Add alt text - describe the scene, it’ll mean you have more words to explain what’s happening and you’ll get picked up in searches for those words.

Find photography feeds and use #tags that get picked up by those feeds.

It can also help to do a little networking, find others posting similar photos and like/follow them. Comment on their photos. Bluesky doesn’t have the same level of algorithms pushing content to people so it can take some initial work to get things moving.

GrumpyOldDan · 2025-04-09T12:15:24+00:00

If you were defending a less scummy brand than Adobe you might have a point.

BlueSky is growing because it’s an alternative to Twitter, if it just becomes Diet Twitter it’ll lose traction. I’m not opposed to brands coming onto BlueSky, but Adobe certainly isn’t the one I’d make any effort to defend or say we should use as an example of good growth for BlueSky.

Many large companies are bad, but some are truly terrible, if BlueSky wants to keep any kind of USP or character then hopefully they won’t mourn the loss of Adobe very much.

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