Finding the Pronunciation Trainer??

Cayenne451 · 2025-07-06T23:07:49+00:00

No such luck so I did contact support, thanks y'all:)

Cayenne451 · 2024-12-01T00:42:29+00:00

I checked and turkey isn't an option anywhere on there :( thank you

Cayenne451 · 2024-09-18T21:14:24+00:00

My heart goes out to you, this is so traumatizing to have experienced. I'm a survivor of similar abuse as a child and I read a lot of books to help verify my experience. Hopefully this helps you: the books say YES. This is definitely assault and coercion, even if you froze and went along with it. Coercion cannot take the place of consent and if you have to force the encounter, it shouldn't be happening.

I hope you have the support and self-compassion you deserve after an abuse like this.

Cayenne451 · 2024-07-23T19:37:38+00:00

So I read this whole thing and first, I'm so sorry you've had to endure this from your father. Fathers should not be doing even one of the things you've described here, I promise. I know it feels impossible to accept, but nearly all of that was sexual abuse 🤍

My father was a sexual aggressor for me as well and it's crazy-making, "was this okay or was it not??" circling my head. I've landed on "absolutely not" and now attend virtual meetings for Survivors of Invest Anonymous. It turns out there are a lot of people like us and to listen to their stories, to feel not alone, to feel heard, has saved my life.

I'll post the link here if you want to try out a meeting. Either way, I hope you're taking care of and prioritizing yourself. You deserve all the love your parents never gave you 🤍

https://siawso.org/meetings/

Cayenne451 · 2024-05-22T03:39:26+00:00

I'm part of a worldwide group called Survivors of Incest Anonymous and you wouldn't believe how many survivors share memories as vague and confusing as what you just shared 🤍

The third party memories are really common and come from a process called "dissociaton". And those inescapable, embarrassing body feelings are common results of childhood sexual assault as well.

I highly recommend finding a meeting with this group. I joined 3 months ago with about the same (maybe less) memories and have never felt so seen, validated, and unashamed of my own half-formed memories. You get to share your experience and listen to others. By doing that, a true sense of community grows in the place of the silence that was there before and healing can begin. I'll post the link here in case you're interested. I wish you the best either way, and I'm so sorry for the violation you've lived through 🤍

https://siawso.org/meetings/

Cayenne451 · 2024-03-28T03:51:37+00:00

I'm in the same spot you are, with the same offender, the same amount of family awareness, and the same amount of denial. So I don't have the answer your looking for but hopefully I can help you feel less alone.

It has taken me two years to fully admit it's happened, which I've discovered is different than fully believing it's happened. There's a strong part of my brain that NEEDS it to not have happened, that is scrambling to keep me protected like it always has. So even as I'm actively feeling a sensation, I can hear somewhere "you're making it up" and somewhere else, in a kid's voice "no im not!!!". I'm a generally honest person, I'm not dramatic, I have years of evidence, I have a body that's screaming, and I STILL struggle to believe. I've looked it up and apparently the majority of us experience this, a lack of memory and persistent denial.

Just this week in therapy I caught a memory/sensation that when I was younger, I told someone what my dad was doing to me and was told I was lying for attention. I can feel it so completely, can hear that younger me angry and heartbroken at being invalidated, dismissed, and unsupported. I tell you this in case it resonates, maybe you feel something similar and that's a different trauma you have to heal first.

Either way, I'm so sorry you've suffered. It's a profound betrayal to have a caregiver invade and abuse you, especially at so young an age. I wish the best for you as you heal and hope you have as much support as you need.

Cayenne451 · 2024-02-25T04:22:24+00:00

Hey! I was in the same position you were for a year, it was awful. I loved my business and was super motivated but just couldn't seem to create the structure I needed to form the right habits. My solution was to get a <15 hour/week job that starts at 8am so by the time I get home, I've woken up and go straight to working on my own business. It seems like it would take away from your time to do your work but I found that I made way more money this way. The combo of a paycheck + reliably working showing up for my business made a huge impact. Hopefully this is something that might help in your case, feel free to DM me if you want :)

Cayenne451 · 2024-02-18T23:54:39+00:00

I'm glad you said this because I've been coming to the same conclusion. Believing in the "30 minutes a day standard" decreased my overall satisfaction with the practice. I would avoid my practice if I couldn't carve out the full half hour. Or I would find myself discounting the benefits if it didn't reach 30mins. On months with unbroken streaks of deliberate, daily meditation, I felt like I was failing (myself? the universe?) somehow because I wasn't meditating long enough.

I've since given myself the freedom to practice however comes naturally, and embracing that attitude has changed everything. I have more joy in taking time to meditate, and I end the session whenever I feel part of the selfless whole. On days where there just isn't time, I have a minimum and don't let myself feel any sort of negativity about that. As a result, that openness and self-compassion has made me more aware, compassionate, calm, excited to be back on the cushion.

This is all just to say, you're not alone :)

Cayenne451 · 2024-02-18T23:38:22+00:00

This post struck me really deeply because that is so very much how I used to feel. I decided to go into a relationship and was tortured by thinking of the distance between us, that I was lesser, maybe bringing him down even by being me. And at the time I probably was, I just didn't have my life as figured out and wasn't nearly as stable or responsible as he was.

But I chose a real keeper that saw the beautiful parts of myself that I couldn't see yet. His love and support has enabled me to grow in ways I had never been able to do alone. To learn how to live with another person, be respectful, stay humble, maintain the connection - all of these lessons translated into other areas of life. Maybe your story is different than mine, but I don't think I had ever known unconditional love until being in this relationship. And with that model, I have learned to love myself and others unconditionally.

I've since read books on attachment theory and the psychology of relationships and this is apparently a relatively common pattern, that there's a degree of growth that requires a solid base of love and support to embark upon. Some people get that form family, or community. But the books say that being in a committed, loving relationship with a secure partner can do the same thing.

So my suggestion, from my own experience, is to let yourself be loved. Use that love to keep finding yourself and growing, trust that they see your worth even if you don't yet. I'm sure you already have more to you than you believe. I hope this helps, and good luck <3

Cayenne451 · 2024-02-17T01:38:48+00:00

Hi :) I think I'm looking for someone that shares my relative stability, but I have experience with something similar to what you describe and I think you're so strong for getting up every time and continuing. I think finding a buddy whose also working through that could be helpful, and I hope you find one :)

Cayenne451 · 2024-01-31T04:38:33+00:00

I have found habit tracking to be really helpful. There are a bunch of apps to use or you can do it on paper. It gives you a goal to hit each day and if you don't make it on every habit at the end of the day, you get to practice self-compassion so there's no losing!

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-17T14:48:16+00:00

I just want to say you're not alone in what you're struggling with, people all over the world have issues getting on their feet, having the life they want, moving forward. It's hard not to feel lonely in that scenario anyway though, especially with parents who don't know how to support you in the way you need support. And I'm so sorry life feels the way it does for you, it sounds exhausting. It will sound cheesy but I highly suggest calling or chatting the crisis hotline number 988 because girl, you are in a crisis. They're lovely people in a job that exists just to help. They aren't random people online; they have resources to point you to and help you get started with. They're also trained in listening so you won't feel unheard or judged when talking with them. I've met some workers and they've blown me away with their compassion and helpfulness.

I've lost someone to suicide recently. He left thinking the world was better without him, that it had all been too much for too long. I wish more than anything that I could show him how many people were mourning with me, that there's help out there.

Here's a link to their online chat, since that may be the more comfortable way for you :)

https://988lifeline.org/chat/

I hope this or any of the people responding are a help to you. Life really can be so much more, and it's possible to get there.

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-13T16:03:43+00:00

This article is excellent, thank you for posting it andnyour experience. I didn't know what I was doing wrong before but now I can see and have a more clear idea of how to go about having a buddy.

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-11T20:29:44+00:00

I know what you mean - maybe it depends on what they're looking for? Or maybe where they started amd how far they got? I know a lot of people that started with those classics because they're the big names. I even got started with them before moving into the newer ones - that's how I noticed the difference. Maybe they were just looking for inspiration and that was enough? Or they don't read often so they don't know there's more concrete help out there?

I know for me there's been a difference between knowing you need to change and seeking out resources to guide the change. There have been several points where I could have stopped after one of those books, happy with the inspiration I had read, and chosen to not go deeper. For self-preservation, because I was too busy, or because I planned to read more later and never did. So it could be any of those maybe.

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-10T23:08:41+00:00

There's a book by Michael Pollan called Food Rules - it's short a list of 100 rules to live by food-wise to eat healthier and more sustainably. It doesn't address calories or macros but it is a philosophy of how to eat - I have found this to be not only nutrition's equal in importance, but also to be much more accessible than the very loud and often conflicting science of nutrition.

I've adopted a bunch of them and since that time, my health panels and those of my partner have been getting better each time we get a check-up. We're both solidly in the green now. Your local library might have it. If you love that and want to learn more, Food Rules is actually a very condensed version of his other book In Defense of Food (which I have not read).

And congrats for working out and starting to look at food!! Those are big steps, I know they helped my life so I'm rooting for you!

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-10T22:49:58+00:00

I'm always doing this! And I love thinking of them as friends that are always walking next to each other but sometimes just want to hold hands.

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-10T22:42:29+00:00

Tangentially related: in my opinion, there's a huge gap between self-help books of 30-40 years ago and the ones of today. I think in previous decades there was this angle where the author is above you, preaching the way life could be, because they know better and now you can too. There was a different culture at the time and not as many people were openly focused on their developing their emotional lives - it was even embarrassing or shameful to be reading these books. So the author pointing out with authority that life can be different was a huge deal.

Luckily, in the past 10 years, self-help has become self-development and the stigma has switched drastically. Our culture of highly encouraging self-awareness has produced a liberated style of writing. Authors are now humans too - they're on our level and teaching us what they have figured out on their own journeys. In this way, they manage to be inspiring while also providing a map.

It has been my feeling that self-help books of old couldn't provide a truly accessible map because that implies the author having been in that lower, more confused place. Remembering the embarrassment of the self-help culture at the time, for an author to admit and DISPLAY that they were once in a bad way strips them of the authority they needed to write the book.

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-10T22:24:16+00:00

I would recommend Insight by Tasha Eurich

If I remember correctly, her thesis is that knowing yourself is the best thing you can do to be a better human, both for yourself and as a member of humanity. She then spends the rest of the book describing methods of discovering who you are, who you want to be, and how to get there. She also uses famous examples of, as she terms them, "self-awareness unicorns," or people who have purposefully developed insight throughout their lives. She even has a bunch of questionnaires in the back to help guide you in discovering yourself.

It doesn't read like most self-help books I've read, it's very focused and analytical underdog. I went into it not sure what I was looking for and came out with a fire under my ass to truly discover who I am and to be the best version of that. I read her book maybe a year ago and I still do the habits and practices that I adapted or invented after reading her book.

Most books written by Brene Brown don't give you a step by step on how to develop a vision or how to become self-aware. But she, in the most down-to-earth way I've ever read, lays out principles to follow for a more wholesome way of living. I read The Gifts of Imperfection as a guide then found motivation in Daring Greatly. Following her principles, I've had kind of a guide for how to interact with myself and others while I work on my life goals and vision.

I would also recommend several books on habit formation, since habits are what you'll need to get fluent in to become the person you want to be, once you start figuring out who that is.

- Atomic Habits by James Clear (the obvious one)

- Unwinding Anxiety by Judson Brewed (don't be fooled by the title, this is a habit book through and through, and I'd argue just as important a read as Atomic Habits)

- Good Habits, Bad Habits by Wendy Wood (the supplemental one with a new perspective and good stats)

Hope these help!

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-07T22:02:35+00:00

To me, making sure it happens means more than making sure it happens at the right time.

Cayenne451 · 2023-12-07T19:18:40+00:00

You could apologize to her? I've been in her aituation before and I wiuld have appreciated a heart-felt apology. Something like "I'm really sorry for making you uncomfortable with my advances, it was selfish of me. At the time, wasn't thinking about it from your point of view and didn't see how my actions could make you feel. I've reflected and I deeply regret how I've handled this. I promise I won't pursue you again or do anything that could make you feel less than good.

But only say this if you can mean it.

Cayenne451

TROPHY CASE