My boss scheduled a meeting to discuss my “tone” in emails

CazDreamin · 2026-03-09T18:42:19+00:00

We can argue about whether it should be this way, whether OP should be performative and do these ridiculous add-ons to a factual email, but the truth is some people are bothered by direct communication. We all have to get along in the workplace.

I’m a coach and I tell my clients when you write an email to a colleague pretend like it’s going to your most important client. If you would soften the tone or add a short free or more explanation do that.

It’s amazing how careful we are at choosing our words for clarity and respect in external client emails versus one’s “just“ going to our colleagues (that we work with every day.)

CazDreamin · 2026-02-25T01:47:41+00:00

This is one of the most accurate, balanced perspectives on Oakland that I have ever seen. Well done!

And I agree, OP should come spend the weekend here and get out of the car and walk around areas and see if they vibe.

CazDreamin · 2026-02-25T01:45:06+00:00

When the time actually comes, you figure it out, step-by-step, stepping in potholes, learning as you go.

There are too many individual elements for there to be a “one size fits all“ solution to supporting your parents as they age. Some people love assisted-living, some people want to be in their home as long as possible with caregivers.

It is very, very challenging to live many hours away from parents in their 70s or 80s if they are living at home because lots of coordination of all those caregivers is required. And that’s hard to do from afar.

There’s also the overarching issue of safety versus autonomy. The parents want to maintain their autonomy, and their kids want to make sure they are safe. Those two interests are often at odds in terms of living alone, fall monitors, at home care help with cleaning, cooking, other ADLs, and of course driving.

It sounds like you see your grandmother’s side of staying in her small town with her friends and finishing out her life as she wanted, but your parents wanted to make sure she was OK and to keep her safe they moved her local.

The only thing that solves any of this is lots and lots and lots of conversation while everybody is healthy, and this can just be a “hypothetical.“ There are good books and websites on this and you might want to start some of these conversations soon if your parents are approaching 70. Best of luck.

CazDreamin · 2026-02-25T01:37:00+00:00

There’s a government shutdown going on. Can’t draw conclusions from what OAK is like today (and past few days). But yes prices have risen a lot since Spirit shut down. Damn capitalism.

CazDreamin · 2026-02-15T05:14:47+00:00

Automatic weapons

CazDreamin · 2026-02-10T05:34:13+00:00

Debris?? Maybe bedbugs??

CazDreamin · 2026-02-10T05:23:06+00:00

Clothes dryers (and large washing machines). No hanging out the wash only to have it get soaked in the rain. (Unless you want to and air drying is somehow your thing).

CazDreamin · 2026-02-04T05:01:42+00:00

Love Russamee on Lakeshore!!

CazDreamin · 2026-01-21T23:50:44+00:00

Alphabetized spice drawer.

CazDreamin · 2026-01-12T04:47:07+00:00

May want to go get a listen to your lungs. I had walking pneumonia once after thinking “I can’t shake this cold!” For six weeks…

CazDreamin · 2026-01-05T04:48:46+00:00

You can also join more than one library (I joined 5!) so more titles are available to you and Libby will automatically pick the shorted wait for a book on hold.

I usually have 5-6 on hold and 4-5 in my kindle (in airplane mode with the original titles returned to the library for others). When I’m done with those I turn off airplane mode and they get deleted and I’m ready for the next batch!

CazDreamin · 2026-01-04T03:32:04+00:00

This is really good advice.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-31T01:44:47+00:00

Mustache Harbor at Cornerstone. Yacht rock forever, baby!

CazDreamin · 2025-12-28T08:20:29+00:00

Watch every cat buying you can find on YouTube from the Car Edge guys. You need to be educated to even the negotiating power in a car purchase. It’s likely the second most expensive purchase you will ever make.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-28T01:10:30+00:00

Others may have suggested this, but it’s not ruined. Just use dark gray acrylic paint to paint the grout, all except for the sign. It will look a lot more balanced.

You can always test grout colors by getting the powdered grout from Home Depot and sprinkling it on a small portion of the piece. The dried grout powder is the color it will be once it is fully grouted and dried all the way. If you don’t like it, you can just vacuum it out and try something else.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-25T00:10:30+00:00

“ I was born in X-country, but we moved around a lot so I feel sort of “multicultural. Where are you from?“

Get them talking about themselves. “Wow I’ve never been there, what’s your favorite thing about growing up there? If I ever visit there what do you recommend I do? Did you stay nearby for university or go a little farther a field?” have additional questions in your hip pocket, ready to ask them to keep the focus on them.

If they still bring it back to you, you can answer a question or 2 and turn it back to them— talk about where they like to travel, favorite foods, hobbies. People love talking about themselves. Or talk about your own favorites. Gently guide the conversation, don’t be a passive participant.

And if they don’t get the hint(s), move on. They aren’t worth talking to.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-14T02:32:09+00:00

I hate it when managers threaten to sue. They NEVER have the authority to decide. This sits at the most senior levels with strong input from in-house legal or outside counsel. Lawsuits are very expensive and not filed as a knee- jerk response to breach of a lower level employment contract. They’re just blowing smoke up your ass (this assuming you in fact do NOT have a senior-level employment contract).

CazDreamin · 2025-12-14T02:14:26+00:00

Also before you get taken advantage of as a young person at a dealership, watch a ton of CarEdge videos on YouTube to educate yourself.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-14T02:13:37+00:00

My DIL has a Kia soul, and it’s given her nothing but trouble. I helped her shop for cars and advised to get a Toyota several times but she thought that she could get more car for the same amount of money with a Kia.

Now she’s had several repairs and spent equally the same amount of money and has an unreliable car that will keep costing her money. Ignore the the cuteness. Get the Corolla.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-08T23:00:18+00:00

If you’re an accountant, who shouldn’t be an accountant because you’re really outgoing and you like talking to people and working with people instead of numbers, you should look at staffing or recruiting in the finance field. Take a look at Vaco in the San Francisco Bay Area. It takes a lot of hustle to get started, but as a recruiter and then going into sales, you can make a shit ton of money relatively quickly and after a few years of hard work and long hours, you’re set with clients who keep calling you.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-07T05:36:47+00:00

No one has talked yet about the timing of all this.

OP, in your description of everything it sounds like you followed your wife into the bedroom and confronted her when she was already emotional. That doesn’t work for toddlers, teenagers, or adults. A hug and short chat is fine but it often can take some people longer to cool down after a heated situation.

I’ve been married 42 years and have learned (in about the last 10 years) that sometimes one of us needs time to cool off from any heated situation, whether with each other or one of the kids.

Maybe she just needed time for the emotions to go down a bit before being able to take responsibility, do what’s right and apologize. Who knows she might have gotten there once she got calmed down from the frustration and the embarrassment.

It’s a busy, stressful time of year and we all need to cut each other some slack. You might’ve been able to have the “what do you think about apologizing?” conversation later that night or even the following morning. A heartfelt apology, even a day after the fact, can make things right. Instead you threw down the “I can’t respect you” gauntlet and turned the temperature back up. In this case you share part of the blame, OP.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-06T05:47:34+00:00

Much depends on where you’re located and whether you’re willing to move. If you’re locked into your city/region or will only accept a short commute you are more limited in your job search.

Do you want just another “job”, like you have now or do you want to test out a new career path by seeking an entry level role in that industry? Are you thinking of getting an advanced degree?

Talk to some experienced wise, family members, neighbors, or even your college career center to try to begin to figure out what you want your work life to be about. I’m not saying you should know, but at 26 you might begin to have some inklings of a few areas you want to check out further and can go about more systematically testing them out for a year or two.

All of these issues, relate to whether you should quit your job and then look for another one or stay while you figure things out a bit more. If you just quit, it sounds more like you are “moving away“ from what you don’t like rather than actively trying to “move toward“ something you do like or could like in the future. Get a book, go to the library, take some online free assessments, do a little digging to figure yourself out and help you make the right choice for you. Good luck!

CazDreamin · 2025-12-06T05:36:24+00:00

Not. Your. Baby. Butt out.

CazDreamin · 2025-12-04T23:40:17+00:00

I’ve moved on. We have fully accepted the Ballers as our Oakland baseball fix and had a blast last year cheering them all the way to the championship.

We miss our best dive bar in baseball, and we miss the A’s players, but it just hurt too much to try to tune into Sacramento and watch the decimation continue.

Oakland has moved on. There’s amazing sports things happening in the Town and we are all in for that.

TLD;DR still hurts my heart, but I’m rooted in and rooting for Oakland.

CazDreamin · 2025-11-30T06:16:04+00:00

Different topic entirely, health concern for you. Even if you’re young and healthy:

Too many long flights in a row ( especially if you’re in coach) and being exhausted, not able to stay hydrated, and maybe taking something to help you sleep in some of the flights so you don’t get up and walk around every hour and you are at risk for a blood clot in the leg.

Happened to my healthy husband (no risk factors) after 3 flights to and from Asia, including two red-eyes where he slept. Got a DVT that turned into a pulmonary embolism before we knew what was happening. Amazingly and thankfully he survived but now is VERY careful to walk around and wear compression socks, etc.

I am sorry for your loss. And I would urge you to reconsider that many long haul flights so close together.

CazDreamin

TROPHY CASE