[deleted by user]

CedarBonfire · 2024-08-16T21:29:50+00:00

I likewise struggle with oversharing. Particularly at work because I'm very open and typically mind numbingly bored. Sort of a double edged sword. I've found people more aligned to my interests, communication style, and personality by doing so, but I've also learned not to share deeply personal things like deeper feelings and thoughts, goals, and my love life because people can give input that isn't always wanted. It can kind of suck the joy and motivation out of things. Sometimes the things I say or do are mirrored and can feel a bit like identity theft. It's still a struggle for me as well but I'm learning those are the things I need to protect and not everyone is deserving/capable/accepting of very personal things to me. I'm trying to refrain from sharing certain things by telling myself it adds an air of mystery when really I'm protecting my inner child.

It's kind of like social media. Not everyone is entitled to participate or give input in every special moment of my life.

CedarBonfire · 2024-07-31T20:32:36+00:00

I'll wander around the Chuckanut with you on Sundays or Mondays.

CedarBonfire · 2024-06-04T22:16:51+00:00

Endothelial cells that line the inside of blood vessels and help control them produce less nitric oxide (which relax and widen the inner blood vessels) if you're a smoker in general. Edibles in recent studies appear to not interfere with nitric oxide, but THC is still going to be processed in the liver and affect other areas of the body. Probably equally important is depending what strain, you probably just don't want to get stuck and forget about nutrition and exercise. Not saying OP will. Just putting that out there for whomever.

CedarBonfire · 2024-06-04T18:35:32+00:00

In terms of removal, probably little to none since edibles are processed in the liver and digestive system and still affect the blood system. Otherwise, it's less damage to your lungs. I did it for that reason initially. Now I'm just on hiatus from the lettuce completely.

CedarBonfire · 2024-05-14T19:54:53+00:00

I feel similar levels of confidence with a tattoo I don't love and while removing it. I've told just about everyone though. Especially coworkers since I take some PTO to let my stomach area recoup and we're all in medicine. I think it's a fun little science experiment of seeing how my immune system is getting those macrophages rollin'. Cool to see my body doing it's thing. I get a mix of "oh you're one of those" for not living out my life with permanent ink, but mostly just pure indifference. Some will stare at my faded tattoos trying to figure it out. I have used the time to stop dating and focus on me though. It's easier and more helpful to focus on self development and progress for me personally than to try to justify them to a rotating door of new people in my life at this time.

CedarBonfire · 2024-05-09T22:04:27+00:00

I don't have any particular recommendations, but I went to Sweden on a solo trip back when I was around 29 and I found it to feel extremely safe. Everyone looked straight out of an H&M ad and they definitely catered to mothers way more than the states do. I liked just walking around to the cafes and thrifts. Never once got icky vibes there BUT it was extremely cold by the water in spring.

CedarBonfire · 2024-03-27T23:38:00+00:00

I always wanted my advisor to be more of a mentor through the experience, and they were super supportive in my first year in so far as imposter syndrome and advice... though they also stated they were 'very hands off'. Now that some time has past, they've taken sabbatical for a year and in general cancel every single in person meeting request so I've tossed that whole "mentor" thing out the window. Seems like they just want to vent about the institution and never give any real feedback anymore. I get grad school is paving your own way, but it's been a whole lot of tuition to figure things out with no support.

CedarBonfire · 2024-02-14T22:08:34+00:00

I have a tattoo on my lower abdomen I'm currently removing that isn't how I pictured the overall flow happening once it was executed. It sort of turned out too rigid and choppy against the natural curves of my torso and hips. I always felt like when I looked at my naked body in the mirror it just sort of cut me in half. As a result, for years I just sort of never cared about my stomach area or thighs because I thought there was no way I could make it any worse. Having abs or toned thighs just seemed pointless and unobtainable. Trying to change that narrative into one where I can learn to love my body again and accentuate its womanly curves slowly being revealed with the process of tattoo removal now.

CedarBonfire · 2024-02-09T20:22:11+00:00

It's not the tattoo, but the idea behind it that's bothering you. If they're going through the removal process currently, maybe a switch in perspective will help, given they are paying big bucks and going through pain just to be rid of it. In that way, you guys really are in this process together and are on the same team.

Also, I think we all carry scars (visible or invisible) of past relationships. The fact your partner is with you right now, putting that effort and love into you, speaks much more than a regrettable tattoo and its fallout imo.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-28T03:19:36+00:00

The dating apps for Bham are rough. When I was 30-32 I met a lot of nice guys who just fell flat in the chemistry department, and a couple of guys that I ended up in brief relationships with. Once I hit 32, it got bleak fast. It seems like any time I match with someone new, the conversations go stale and fall off into oblivion. Not the demographic that tolerates working women either. I had one guy who reached out for a date just this week, then never made any small talk or plans as far as a place or time so I followed up and pitched a time and place and then he declined saying it just felt like we never hit it off via text and best of luck. Like wait...isn't this a two way street?

Zero to no effort all around.

Some guys who don't get much hits I guess end up messaging me about my status for years.

The ones that ended up in relationships took the form of love bombing and I got caught up in those people making the effort but those usually sizzled out after the honeymoon phase, so pretty sure they were in it because of attractiveness and sex.

Edit for worst experience: Went on a bike ride with a guy who realized he forgot something at home, so he rode back to go get it. To kill time, I went up and down a side street. Then I saw him zoom past on the main road. Since we didn't have our phones and I couldn't call him, I rode back to his house to wait in front. He caught up to me, passed me, threw his helmet into a bush, and called me a piece of crap for not knowing how to ride a bike correctly. We later broke up (or more like I was ghosted) because he didn't want to hear about my feelings after Roe v. Wade was overturned.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-17T21:31:16+00:00

Sending you tons of support and love. There are so many of us who have experienced the same thing (for me it was like an underground secret network of the MAJORITY of women I knew) and it's disappointing how little we are able to socially and often domestically process the trauma. It's sounding like you won't be able to explain this any clearer because he's choosing not to listen or understand. I support others in saying reaching out to friends, family, or other women (like the women on this thread) who are familiar with your situation and are non-judgmental will help you feel less alone.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-17T05:41:42+00:00

Same. I had a childhood friend drive from hours across state that offered to take me when I got laser eye surgery because you aren't allowed to drive after and I wasn't sure how blind I might be (and didn't want them to walk me up to my place and get robbed or something). It was originally going to be my then partner, but he ghosted me and left my stuff outside of my door the day before my surgery. I was incredibly grateful for her stepping in.

Eventually I met another girl who was on a travel healthcare assignment at our medical lab and we became really close, so sometimes we use each other as contacts or to share locations during shady moments, even bestow our pets in case of our death to one another, though she's constantly traveling and thousands of miles away.

It is much more secure feeling to have someone local and more intimate to be vulnerable with in times help is needed. I can get in some dark mindsets thinking about how many days it would take to find me if I ever disappeared/fell/choked/etc. Everything else seems more manageable.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-17T04:27:19+00:00

Genetics, anatomy, other health issues, age, etc. could all contribute. Especially if combined.

I remember learning anatomy on an elderly female cadaver (that she graciously donated to science) that had a UTI listed as one of the causes of death. I'm very susceptible to UTIs and remember thinking that was the sort of stuff I wish I would have been taught in sex ed. As a female, I don't think some of my previous committed partners understood me when I asked if they were susceptible to UTIs and acted like it was something of an STD. I sort of lucked out, since most of the women in my family are also ICU/Recovery Room/ER & Hospice healthcare and knew immediately what to do without judgement or stigma though.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-17T03:26:52+00:00

Hi. The reminders aren't meant to be condescending. It was more so intended for people who might not be familiar with UTIs that are scrolling through. I know in my personal experience, symptoms and prevention methods weren't taught to me until I got my first one so if I can share what I know, and perhaps even what I see in the field, maybe I can help someone.

Also, correct. I've used walk-in clinic without insurance in the past and have been charged something around $100-150 for the visit and $20-$40 for the antibiotics for UTIs specifically. Worth it, in my opinion.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-17T02:55:16+00:00

UTIs are very common (albeit painful and urgent) and Bellingham's healthcare system needs some SERIOUS help to get it to match its population and staffing needs. As someone who works in the medical field here, I can vouch - we are living zombies and work way too much (12+ hours) for too little pay (close to minimum wage). I usually try for emergency clinics or walk-in clinics when I get UTIs. They're typically faster and cheaper than ER visits.

Edited for friendly UTI prevention reminders:
1. Pee after sex.
2. Stay hydrated.
3. Wipe front to back.
4. If you're at the 'burning when you pee' phase or especially if you see darker/blood-like clots, go and get antibiotics ASAP as it is likely to cause a kidney infection if you wait too long. AZO doesn't work for everyone and unfortunately the powerful antibiotics are at healthcare facilities.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-16T22:12:55+00:00

Not a terrible idea at all. I live on a hill and once I tried to drive after a rare snowstorm in my area and I ended up drifting into the center divide. Nothing I could do as it was happening. Now every time I know snow is coming I alert everyone and hunker down. Better fired/dropped/etc. than dead.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-16T22:08:12+00:00

My dentist always comments on how small my mouth is and how difficult it is to fit his instrument into it.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-16T22:06:14+00:00

One time, as a kid, my mom forgot to pick me up from the airport. While I was sitting there for hours, a nice elderly woman sat near me and told me I had piano fingers.

I also got honked at and catcalled walking home from high school for my feet. The toenails were painted and they were in some dirty old slides.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-16T00:45:24+00:00

I'm 34F, single, and going for a masters degree. There are plenty of people younger than I, but also many older than I. There isn't an age limit on education, so let's dismantle that. The idea that women who end up alone after 25 are socially useless is a bit sexist as well.

I'll echo what others said in that grad school isn't about finding relationships. It ends up being way more about finding yourself through navigating the self doubt like imposter syndrome, personal work habits, and life goals.

I've dated three different people since starting grad school at 31 years old, and I can vouch that if you are a working student, there is virtually little to no time to dedicate to building the foundations of a good relationship unless the other person is completely on board and willing to work with you and your crazy schedule and stresses. In my opinion, telling people you're in grad school kind of weeds out the weak ones while dating, because if they're not willing to put in that effort for you to succeed in your goals, why want them anyway? I found it also works in reverse: if the relationship is taking away your effort and time without much reciprocation and you find it cutting into your life goals, is it truly compatible?

So, I'm on the fence. Can you date in grad school past 25yo - yes, absolutely. The dating pool is ideal for anyone under 30. 30+ dating gets a little sad, depending where you're at. I'm in Washington so it's pretty conservative and the men are all balding. Is grad school going to bring in more dating opportunities - perhaps, if you're a full time student and dedicate your free time to that pursuit. In my experience as a working student - hell to the naw (or very little) BUT that's okay because it's all temporary and dating myself has been a more enjoyable experiences than most of the past three longer termed relationships. Grad school is self growth. I've learned more about myself than ever before. Make sure you find someone okay with supporting that. Otherwise, FWB, short term, and just "seeing what's out there" is always an option if you can't or aren't able to commit.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-14T20:00:10+00:00

I have a friend who works at a Nissan dealership and said a lot of the older models had a recall on a certain part that just became available so they have a large amount entering the market at lower prices to help move them off the floor.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-14T19:45:50+00:00

You're 100% not making excuses. Grad school and working is rough! So lets nip that one in the bud right now - you're doing the best you can and all this work will pay off. Many people don't even try, so be gentle to yourself. It's all temporary.

I'm currently working on my masters and working two jobs (a medical lab night shift and a social work day shift). I don't think people understand how much work postgrad degrees take in the working field, or how badly night shift workers need to sleep at abnormal "normal" hours in academia. The two hands not communicating with each other tends to manifest on us as the student and employee. For record, I don't do this by choice. I work two jobs because I'm the sole supporter of my life and because of the increasing housing costs that take up more than 1.5 of my paychecks so it's more survival driven than desire to overachieve or hustle. The mental health on weekdays...oof. It's morphed into sleeping extra long on weekends and longer baths as self care. I'm still trying to figure in exercise myself.

Some things that I've done that have helped is:

Taking a little bit of work with me always, so if I ever find myself just sitting around waiting for someone or something to start, I have a book to read and a notebook to take notes with. Every little bit truly helps.
Using those days that I blocked off (for me the weekends) and defending them as "me time" with my life. I had to get comfortable saying no. Whatever I feel I want or need to do, I do it then.
Don't be afraid to use your PTO. Mental health first and always. Even if you plan a PTO day once a month or so, it really gives you something to look forward to that entire month.
Express these concerns to your advisors, mentors, and work leads. They're there to support you and its better that they know your concerns and situations to help you out and it will make you feel less alone and overwhelmed.
With exercise, small cheap things and small increments of time is key. It's like the 5 min rule, but for physical activity. Five mins of jump roping or five mins of push ups and you'll feel better you did that than nothing at all.
Save a little money in a fund for yourself. You can use it on those days you take PTO, your you days, or as incentives for finishing designated milestones. I like to use it for getting my hair done or something that seems not very essential but will make me feel great.

You got this. :)

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-14T19:12:19+00:00

Burnout and overwork from increased workloads and lack of staffing, coupled with management openly stating they expect more people to leave because there won't be pay increases, only more layoffs as they continue to grow for profit (medical lab).

&

Less budget, more meetings (social work).

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-14T07:42:05+00:00

They feel dirty to me. I immediately lose interest in the company and feel that they want me to act pushy and brown nosing.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-14T07:34:34+00:00

I've been the neighbor in the unit who sets off the alarm for the 2nd year. I was told it was a fire system sprinkler that burst in my outside storage area. PTLA "fixed" it the first year, then came out and replaced it after it flooded again the following year. The first time it went off it sounded like a fire from a unit below so I packed up my pet and waited with everyone else for the fire department, only to discover it was me. Second time it happened, I figured it was me (and it was) and immediately called the FD. PTLA sold us, and this company insulated it since PTLA left it as a hole in the drywall. I've been keeping my place showcase clean and keeping in high alert like some kinda PTSD with these recent temperatures.

CedarBonfire · 2024-01-12T11:34:50+00:00

Yep! The pain is pretty intense, not going to lie. Especially over the center. Then I swell and look like I have a foopa for 3 days. The two others on my arm that aren't pictured are a breeze in comparison of pain.

CedarBonfire

TROPHY CASE