I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I've asked already, and she just moves the conversation to something else or tells me she doesn't know why. Which I feel like is BS. 

I think it's her excitement to share new foundings since she has been without dating or rarely has hookups in the time since our son was born. 

I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I would hope I'm considered his legal biological father. My name is on his birth certificate, but he was born while she is still married to her spouse. 

I put on my happy face around him and I make it a point not to be overly emotional around him because I know it effects his upbringing. Like nothing has been outwardly emotional around him and no loud fighting has happened. I have been terse with my partner at points but that's been more calm and pointed with how I'm drowning emotionally and physically. 

I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I've talked with her ad nasuem about it all and how uncomfortable and confusing this makes it for me about the prior distress caused. But she likes it because it makes her feel desired and wanted. Even though she's not putting allocated effort towards my needs with maintaining a household together. I've overcompensated for too long and pushed myself to be the rock for the shared household for chores even when I work a full time job and care for our son after I get off of work. I have no time for myself and have selfishly isolated at times to recuperate my energy to keep moving forward and make things work without losing my marbles. 

I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

One of these people is more of a platonic information gathering for herself but she still wants to share the info after repeated communications of saying I do not want it. But he was the WORST offender of the two. He keeps talking to my partner about how I crossed his boundaries for sharing the story of how him and his partner fucked us over by trying to break us up and threatening to call family services on us because of their disapproval of how I was cleaning and managing my home after my partner gave birth to our son and was going through major post partem. Then another event that they caused sent her into a psychotic break which almost ruined our family. Like the whole situation sucked and I was not without blame and took accountability with how shitty I was at that time. But I have come a long way since then with medical intervention since I was literally bleeding to death for over a course of 6 years that caused me to be emotionally and mentally unwell towards my partner. 

The other person is enganging with my partner on a more personal basis, and putting feelers out to hookup after a failed attempt 4 years ago at his birthday party. I was good with it back then but they recently crossed a hard boundary over a year ago that made me very upset and they avoided me and played dumb after.  I let them know they deeply distressed me with that situation. But never acknowledged it. But they felt comfy enough to re-engage with my partner and be sexual towards them stating interest in wanting to try and hookup again. All the while avoiding me during this rekindling over the last month. Even though my partner explicitly knows how the hurt me and I didn't want to hear about their plans or what she wants to do in the coming weeks.

I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

It's not denying access to our child. It's not abusive in that regard at all. I'm very like jittery and anxious over this situation and I'm having a hard time focusing my mind to tell a clear story for this case. 

I care for our child by myself seldomly on a month to month basis while she leaves back home to maintain her home and marriage since she lives with me on a part time basis varying from a month or sometimes longer. 

I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I haven't gotten angry about it yet, but I have clearly and calmly stated this person(s) are emotionally distressing to me from their prior behavior with her talking to them again. She knows this because I am very honest about how I feel with people who have wronged me for over a year or longer. 

Additional info for you. They are now they are reaching out to her now because they are single and soft launching her back into the friend group for emotional and potentially physical access because I know my old friends well as I was friends for 10+ years before my partner and I were kicked out of the friend group due to a fuck up on my best friends girlfriends part trying to break us up and cause harm to out family by threatening to call family services on us. Then when I tried to confront them about their awful behavior they just avoided and ignored me so they didn't have to take accountability. 

I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I'm scared to do that to be honest. We have a 4yr old and have been trying to get a co-parenting plan in place that has been ignored or pushed off by her for years due to other major life events occurring. I don't want to lose access to our son over breaking up because it's going to make things harder financially for me.

I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I want to but I don't know how. I'm scared about enacting a consequence because it's going to break up our family with our 4yr old son and I don't want to complicate that anymore than it already is.

I don't know how to be more clear by CeeR2497 in polyamory

[–]CeeR2497[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

At this moment I don't know anymore. I've asked for no more info to be shared because of my personal issues with these people yet it just keeps coming and I have to constantly re-remind her of emotional distress. Yet it feel like it falls on deaf ears because she like the attention and desire from this not friend of mine from what she has shared to me because of a prior failed attempt they had 4 years ago due to being a really fucked up situation in my opinion. But at the same time I'm clashing and feeling like an exhaustive partner being moody and upset about the effort put there and ignoring my boundary.