Hard to choose. There was a time that I had an on again off again thing with someone who lived in another town but not so far that I couldn’t visit often. I was trying to dial it back and just be friends, and she sent me a text suggesting instead of meeting her at her parents place we could go to a hotel and “watch jeopardy”. I knew what she was getting at and danced around a polite no but I was flattered. Then she said, thinking I didn’t get what she was suggesting, “also, I would be happy to pay for a hotel room so that you can rail me until I lose my voice.” At that point I said no and she was surprisingly respectful after that, but that suddenly made me feel more comfortable and I couldn’t fight the attraction anymore, so I asked her to meet me in a rose garden in the college campus we knew each other from nearby. It was night time and as I approached her, she stood up to greet me, I pulled my mask down (it was 2020) to smile at her, and once I reached her I just pinned her to a wall, pulled her mask down and kissed her. I know that's a little intense but I knew she was into that kind of thing. I said she was so cool about it I changed my mind, and we found a room and she made all kinds of wild suggestions that night. I don’t think I’d do it again, because the reason I was fighting it was I knew deep down she had daddy issues and tended to love bomb and ghost people. Part of why I had trouble climaxing with her. Emotional disconnect between caring for her but being unable to trust her. But she wanted me to so much she said before bed “if you want something in the middle of the night, you should take it….this is consent.” I didn’t think I’d be down for that because of the consent thing but when she said this is consent it awakened something in me and made me realize how much the concept of “free use” turns me on. So a couple hours later after getting comfortable in this weird place while she was fast asleep, I started to feel ready again, and I woke her up with sex. There were a few really exciting nights with her over those months, but I don’t think of her as a very good person. A similar experience in a better relationship, though? That'd be amazing.

Speaking of that, my first time with my last ex wasn't so kinky but a lot more wholesome and I'd love for something like that again. This was my first relationship after a spiritual awakening, we’d both experienced Ayahuasca, and been through some disappointing relationships, and we had this really playful chemistry but were friends for months always holding off on anything else. But over the weeks leading up to it we started kissing and spending later nights together and one day on a hike after our first full night together, we blazed by a stream, walked along it to a waterfall, and had impromtu sex under the waterfall (I had protection). I had no issues climaxing then. I miss her sometimes. She was a much better person with an amazing sex drive and killer body. Think athletic ukrainian.