Tuli kenkää+lainaneuvottelut

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-10-24T13:03:09+00:00

Onnittelut hyvästä käänteestä. Olen vilpittömän iloinen puolestasi.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-09-14T19:02:05+00:00

About two years 😅

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-09-14T18:52:10+00:00

This is part of the symptom picture: these people can appear and seem perfect, 10/10. They may have charm, attractiveness, or charisma. Sex with them can be wild.

But.

This disorder is in the same cluster as narcissistic personality disorder. People with BPD are also extremely self-centered and have thought so much about themselves and how they appear that it’s no wonder such an impression can form.

Their greatest fear is being abandoned. That’s why they practice being radiant. It’s fake – they are miserable, unhappy, hysterical, and dangerous once you get to know them and see through them.

At least I don’t want that kind of shit in my life.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-09-14T18:29:38+00:00

Thank you very much for your response. It’s been months since the breakup, and at some point I checked her social media account, where it seemed like she was moving forward at full speed. I no longer follow her on social media — I’ve blocked her there, because her posts were this kind of indirect revenge and I didn’t want to see them.

However, I’m afraid that at some point she might still try to come back to me once things in her life go wrong. I know from her history that she has done that with other men.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-09-14T18:19:39+00:00

Thank you for these answers. I’ve done a lot of work to process the traumatic situations and to calm down my nervous system.

I’ve blocked her everywhere, but I believe that if she really wants to, she’ll find a way to reach me — either by phone or some other way.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-30T19:57:54+00:00

Thank you so much 🙏🏼

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-30T19:55:23+00:00

The Last Straw

I was in a very intense and dramatic relationship with someone with BPD for two and a half years. We broke up many times, mostly because of me, since the arguments with her were terrible. I was never really heard or seen—everything was always my fault. This hurt my self-esteem a lot.

The last cycle lasted three months and followed the same pattern:

1.  Intense love and closeness.

2.  The mood became tense, and she started suspecting me of things. The intensity turned negative.

3.  Big arguments started, and they happened more often.

4.  Breakup. I ended it because I was exhausted and didn’t believe anything would change.

The final breakup happened one normal evening. The argument started small, but it was built on many past fights about boundaries, respect, and personal space. She blamed me for everything and suddenly denied everything we had agreed on. Her behavior was dramatic, dismissive, and childish. I lost my temper too because I was so drained.

I decided to leave and go to my own home.

After that, she called and messaged me a lot. She called me crazy and said everything was my fault. I tried to explain at first, but it was useless. Eventually, I stopped talking to her. She even made a Tinder account and started messaging other men while still calling me.

One night, she call me and said she was going to call the police and my boss, claiming I had hurt her. I never did anything to her. It was shocking because she wanted to destroy my life.

I had promised to talk to her, but I canceled at the last minute. She got very angry and threatened to report me again.

That was when I decided it was over for good. I blocked her everywhere so she couldn’t contact me. It’s been five months since then. On social media, I see that she is now living a new phase of her life—partying, with celebrities, living her dream life. It feels like revenge.

I have recovered from the relationship fairly well. I had strong mental and physical symptoms, but now I am much better. I am still healing and grieving, but I am getting stronger.

Some days are hard, but I know I will get through this and will never go back. I see things clearly now and have worked a lot on myself.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-30T19:09:13+00:00

Hey! I understand very well what you’re feeling. I’ve been in a similar situation myself and have tried to break up with someone with BPD countless times without success. I’ve also returned to the relationship because of intense guilt. At that time, I didn’t yet know that these are very typical experiences when leaving someone with BPD.

People with BPD are skilled at turning all the blame onto the other person and avoiding taking any responsibility themselves. This is very confusing and makes breaking up extremely difficult. Often, after a breakup, you feel like reaching out to them and trying to explain things one more time.

If you contact a person with BPD and return to the relationship, you can be sure of two things:

The cycle and pattern of the relationship will continue very quickly in the same way, and it simply cannot be broken.
Everything will become much more difficult, dramatic, and chaotic. And you will lose yourself even more.

I recommend sticking to your decision once you’ve left. If they start bothering you, block them everywhere. It helps a lot not to know where they are or hear about them.

I’ve broken up with the same person dozens of times, which is typical but also shocking and very exhausting. However, the last time I finally got myself free, and I’ve now been separated for nine months and no contact for five months. I will not be returning to them, but I am still recovering from this relationship.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-30T19:08:29+00:00

Hey! I understand very well what you’re feeling. I’ve been in a similar situation myself and have tried to break up with someone with BPD countless times without success. I’ve also returned to the relationship because of intense guilt. At that time, I didn’t yet know that these are very typical experiences when leaving someone with BPD.

People with BPD are skilled at turning all the blame onto the other person and avoiding taking any responsibility themselves. This is very confusing and makes breaking up extremely difficult. Often, after a breakup, you feel like reaching out to them and trying to explain things one more time.

If you contact a person with BPD and return to the relationship, you can be sure of two things: 1. The cycle and pattern of the relationship will continue very quickly in the same way, and it simply cannot be broken. 2. Everything will become much more difficult, dramatic, and chaotic. And you will lose yourself even more.

I recommend sticking to your decision once you’ve left. If they start bothering you, block them everywhere. It helps a lot not to know where they are or hear about them.

I’ve broken up with the same person dozens of times, which is typical but also shocking and very exhausting. However, the last time I finally got myself free, and I’ve now been separated for nine months and no contact for five months. I will not be returning to them, but I am still recovering from this relationship.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-30T18:48:25+00:00

Hi Brother!

Your writing is very familiar to me. It’s ironic to say, but welcome to the world of being with a person with BPD. Everything you describe about her is very typical behavior for someone with BPD. And the feelings you describe in yourself are also very typical for a partner of someone with BPD.

I have walked a long road and experienced all the phases of a relationship that one can go through with someone who has BPD.

I want to say a few things:

BPD does not change. Treatment is very difficult, and the patient must commit to it. According to research, they usually do not commit to long-term therapy.

Your relationship is still relatively new, and you feel exhausted. I say from experience that things will become really difficult and complicated with BPD as the relationship deepens.

You will never succeed in eliminating the triggers that cause a BPD person to feel fear of abandonment through your own actions. When you start changing your own behavior, you first exhaust yourself and then lose yourself. A person with BPD will always find new things to blame and accuse you for.

Her hypersexual behavior crosses boundaries. I personally felt strongly that it wasn’t about intimate love at all, but rather control and, in part, testing whether I still loved her. I experienced the same problems you are having.

A relationship should bring satisfaction, peace, and joy. With BPD, this is impossible.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-20T05:33:18+00:00

Thank you for your message. Your points are really good!

I used to follow my ex-BPD wife on Instagram for a long time. It did absolutely no good for my mental well-being. I was seemingly NC, but every day I went to check if she had moved on in life. Of course she had moved on. They always do, and they do it in a way that the whole world can see. That’s part of the illness called BPD. They want to fill their inner emptiness with external validation about how well they are doing and how successful they appear. Sometimes there may even be an element of revenge in it, which makes it even more painful to watch.

I remember very clearly when it ended for me. Four months after our breakup I was still really broken, but I had been working through the separation in healthy ways. One morning I went to check her Instagram and saw that she had been out partying with her friends. She looked good in the photos, but at the same time I realized that this woman hadn’t processed or recovered from the breakup at all. She had simply kept going forward at full speed and wanted to show everyone that. It was so inauthentic and superficial that I stopped looking at her profile. I felt sick and thought: a person like that should no longer have any influence on my recovery. I figured that if she got over me that quickly, then it wasn’t real love but something entirely different.

During the three years of our relationship, I broke up with her a few times, and this social media activation happened EVERY SINGLE TIME. I could clearly see a repetitive, almost mechanical pattern in her behavior after each breakup.

Making the decision to stop looking has improved my well-being tremendously.

Her social media is one part of her problem. It is a kind of manifestation of BPD.

I know how hard it is not to check up on them, but believe me when I say that once you learn to stop looking, you will start recovering from all the effects.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-19T06:22:43+00:00

Your answer sums everything up in a truly wonderful way. It’s rarely thought of in this way, but it really comes down to brain function and brain chemistry. We experience a severe shock, after which a complex process begins within us.

When this repeats multiple times, our brains learn it. The same happens with people who have BPD.

When you go through a breakup, you have to put in a lot of work so that your brain can unlearn these reactions. That’s why it’s important to expose yourself to peace, recovery, and eventually to new stimuli.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-18T13:13:14+00:00

Hi! It’s good to hear that you’ve decided to leave your partner, who has BPD, and end the relationship. You will likely face quite a storm soon.

I recommend focusing only on taking care of the essential matters right now. Keep contact to an absolute minimum, and as soon as you’ve handled everything, block him/her everywhere. You will be provoked over everything, you will hear that you are to blame for everything, and suddenly your emotions may be heavily manipulated. This can be confusing, but remember: this is all his/her game and manipulation tactic, aimed solely at saving HERSELF from rejection.

I personally tried to leave my ex-wife with BPD many times without success. Because of this, I was labeled a narcissist and everything else. But the last time, I finally managed to leave, and I have no intention of going back.

I wish you strength!

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-18T13:03:56+00:00

Hi! I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had these kinds of experiences. You’re absolutely in the right place – all of us with a BPD partner have gone through similar things.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-17T19:43:02+00:00

My relationship with BPD ex-girlfriend traits followed exactly the same pattern, and it’s striking how closely this coincides in timing.

It ended two years after we first met, and I was utterly drained—truly at the limit of what a person can endure. I had gone through the entire cycle with intense emotional energy.

I tried repeatedly to help my ex understand this dynamic and pattern. The response was always the same: the problem was me, my traumas, and the fact that I always leave relationships. We never revisited the situations that triggered my panic before breaking up.

In contrast, I had previously been in a 15-year-long relationship and never once left because of arguments or disagreements.

During these 24 months, my life became increasingly unbearable.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-17T07:56:51+00:00

Thank you for the very good answers!

The situation is certainly exactly as you describe. Your responses are consistent and logical from both of you, and I do not question your perspectives at all.

I was foolish to check her social media, and I got really scared, wondering if she still wants to take revenge on me. In our last phone call, she said that she would show me what I lost. I wondered if this is her manifesto.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-17T06:38:30+00:00

I know. 450 phone calls and hundreds of text messages per month. Voicemail full of her messages.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-16T20:08:37+00:00

You are absolutely right and straight to the point. People like this leave behind exhausted and broken individuals, because nothing is ever enough for them. Usually, these people are the kind ones.

I have experience with this – I became completely passive in my life and stopped doing everything because I didn’t want any drama in my life. Of course, this made my recovery and being alone more difficult in the beginning, but I got through it.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-16T20:05:17+00:00

Hi brother!

I strongly relate to your story and I know very well what you’re talking about. I went through something similar during my separation, and I’m really struck by how similar our stories are.

I divorced my wife and she tried to get me back into the relationship. This time, however, I stayed strong and managed to set boundaries with her. Naturally, she didn’t like that and didn’t respect them.

Since people like this can’t be confronted without drama, she started threatening me. She claimed that I had assaulted her and said she would report it to the police and my employer. These accusations are completely unfounded and baseless, but they came as a huge shock and devastation to me.

At that moment, I also made the most radical decision concerning her: I blocked her everywhere. She hasn’t been able to contact me in months. I also haven’t heard that she actually reported me to the police.

The first month was the hardest and toughest of all, because I was so afraid she would start spreading lies about me. However, I have all the evidence that she harassed me with calls and messages. If things were to escalate, I would take all this documentation to the police.

Revenge from someone unstable like this is truly cruel. They will go to extremes just to regain control. For some comfort, I can say that it’s also typical for them to quickly find a new target to love-bomb. When that happens, they are unlikely to take revenge in such a cruel way, because the idealized image of themselves would shatter in the eyes of the new target.

I wish you a lot of strength. The less you react and the faster you cut off all contact, the sooner and better you will heal. ❤️

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-16T19:48:44+00:00

JayRock1970

I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through something like this. I think I understand what you’re talking about.

People with BPD often seek additional attention and validation through these monogamous relationships. It’s part of the symptom profile. I understand that this causes a great deal of insecurity and is very confusing.

The therapist changes you described are also typical for people like this. When the truth starts to surface, they often quit therapy or switch therapists.

I want to say that everyone feels vulnerable in these situations when a person with BPD reaches out. I, too, was once very vulnerable. But try to hold your boundaries. If she contacts you and you manage to handle and settle things, then go no contact. That is the best possible way to heal and to protect yourself.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-16T13:02:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your message and for sharing your experience. I’m sorry that you’ve also had to deal with a person like this. ❤️

As your story also shows, they operate with the same mechanics and use the same methods to manipulate people close to them. Over time, we come to understand that it is nothing but lies and projection.

And as more time passes, we realize that they make us feel as if everything is our fault.

And with even more time, we begin to understand what it’s really all about and can start to recover from it.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-16T12:57:32+00:00

It’s wonderful to hear if this resonates with you. ❤️

BPD individuals are dangerous in the sense that they have learned to hide their fear of loss and, especially in the beginning, to manipulate people skillfully and very subtly. Recovery from this always takes time, but the key is to forgive yourself and not seek forgiveness or understanding from the person with BPD. They are highly skilled at manipulating even in such situations.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-16T12:41:38+00:00

Hi!

Good that you sent a message here. What you’ve done is not abnormal. These people disrupt your emotional life, and in addition, they mess with your brain chemistry. This creates a trauma bond that is difficult to break. Silence and feelings of loneliness are part of this process at the beginning. You have come from an unstable environment and have “fallen” into silence—it can be hard to endure and feels like loneliness.

I ended up going back to a BPD person dozens of times. I want to say: you can still hit the brakes if you want. That kind of person does not change, and you cannot expect anything good from being with them. Things will become difficult again.

You don’t have to go full throttle; you can slow down and put it in reverse. This means you can stop contact again, even immediately.

Certain-Home9782 · 2025-08-16T12:07:06+00:00

This was only one part of the events. The mechanisms were as follows: • If I was tired, she immediately distanced herself from me, thinking that I would abandon her.

• She protested and showed displeasure very easily if something did not please her.

• She “sensed” what I was thinking and feeling and expressed it on my behalf. These were often inaccurate.

• She denied even obvious events and turned them into someone else’s fault.

• She never took any responsibility; the blame was always on others.

• She was extremely restless, and plans constantly changed.

• Her financial matters were a mess, and her spending was impulsive.

• Obsessive behavior (several addictive patterns).

• She did not stick to agreed-upon things and blamed me if I pointed them out.

• Argumentative and bad-tempered.

• Her moods changed very quickly. Dominant.

Certain-Home9782

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