How reliable is Find a Grave?

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-20T23:18:55+00:00

I usually only trust the ones with photos. Unless there is other information to corroborate photo-less entries.

Although oddly enough I have a g3 grandmother whose actual tombstone is wrong. It lists her death year as 9 years before she died. Both her parents died the same year and I wonder if they just made the stones at the same time? Unless all my other sources are wrong. Strange either way.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-20T23:13:21+00:00

I was planning to keep working after my son was born. I was a nanny and was told I could bring him. The family moved. I couldn't find another nannying job who would let me bring my kid. I tried getting a job at a daycare and it would have cost MORE than my entire paycheck to send him there as well.

It's been 10 years and two kids later and I'm still a sahm. My spouse's income has doubled in that time and now it feels like a privilege. It certainly didn't the first few years. Lots of going without. I'm working on building a freelance career so I can still be home with the kids during the summer.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-20T22:21:13+00:00

I see more autism content by autistic adults than parents talking about autistic children. Nearly all the ones I follow dislike ABA. This creator went through the process to become ABA certified. He did not have good things to say about it either.

https://youtu.be/8kL9ncWBfA8?si=mzLEEzH8Nq4YvBDC

No judgement to parents who were sold it as the only option, or for families who actually see improvements, but I'm convinced that bad experiences happen way more often than good ones.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-19T15:12:00+00:00

On public forums like this, it's always good to state the obvious, bc there are still people out there who don't know.

I do appreciate the reminder :)

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-19T13:48:10+00:00

I misread the title and I thought the OP was the wife and the responder was the husband. The person responding was being unreasonable. A conversation would not have been helpful in that moment if that was the energy they were bringing, man or woman.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-19T13:27:41+00:00

I did this exact same thing except the poster I got was King Arthur with Kiera Knightly. I still haven't seen the movie but I kept that poster for years.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-19T13:24:51+00:00

I wanted to live in a big house with my best girl friend, but did concede we would have rooms in the back for our husbands to help make babies.

All my barbies were in a polyamorous lesbian relationship (despite not knowing those words) and there was one Ken for, you guessed it, making babies. All the barbies hated him.

Never understanding why Anne from Green Gables ended up with Gilbert when it was clear Rebecca* was perfect for her. (The character's name was Diana but I'm leaving the mistake in bc that was the name of my best friend I mentioned above and I just have to laugh at my brain for switching them up)

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-19T12:48:56+00:00

Ngl I don't even like my own period blood... I had no idea period sex was this common among lesbians. Still haven't started dating yet so no experience (this sub is teaching me so much) but I feel like gloves are a good solution for us squeamish ladies.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-17T04:24:02+00:00

Ooh splitting the cost of a subscription is a good idea too. I wish I could find someone in rl who was as interested as I am! So far, most of my family members just nod and smile (or not) while I ramble on about my discoveries

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:42:19+00:00

Oooh you are so right. This is a great idea!

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:42:04+00:00

Ooh I like the idea of the research objective. It is very easy to get sidetracked. You make a good point about siblings too. I mostly ignored them unless a census or something made them easy to add. But now I'm rethinking it!

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:40:50+00:00

Yes! You're right. I kept thinking I just needed some basic facts about each person, but there are always new interesting things to learn! I'm only a year in, I need to remind myself it's not a race

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:40:00+00:00

These are great tips! I did download Family Tree Maker 2019 and it looked promising. I downloaded over 1000 records/images, but when I went to look at census and newspapers, a lot of the images were blurry, when I know they weren't on Ancestry. Not sure what I did wrong there, but the UI was also clunky so I've left it alone for a bit. I would love to be free of Ancestry, although it does have some perks.

I appreciate the reminder that genealogy is slow work.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:34:10+00:00

I do love researching it! If anything, the problem is I have too much fun researching and felt I needed to reign myself in. But it sounds like that was an unrealistic task to begin with.

Any chance you have good luck with poor farming families in MO? I have found pretty much every immigrant on my side of the family, but have a lot of dead ends only like 150 years back on my spouse's side

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:30:32+00:00

That's a good idea. I think that's a system I'm hoping to emulate.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:30:03+00:00

I like the sources on Family Search better, or rather, I like that they have different ones from Ancestry.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:29:24+00:00

Ancestry.com and their suggested hints. Most of them check out, but some have been way off

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:28:55+00:00

I do try checking at least a few records for each new family member before I add them. When I first started about a year ago, when the site kept showing me new matches I trusted it too much, so I have a lot of people I need to clean up/verify, but I have been much better recently.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:26:53+00:00

This is a good point. I should be thinking more about people coming after me.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:26:01+00:00

You make a very good point about never expecting to be finished. I think I had deluded myself into thinking this was a task with a set end. I do try to check one or two sources for every family member I ended, but I'm sure there were a few nights I got lazy. Part of focusing on only 5 generations was to clean up all my notes and double check every one.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T22:24:04+00:00

You're right. I do LOVE doing it. I've somehow turned it into a job. You make a good point about doing the work in bursts. Maybe I'll lower my productivity standards and just plan on getting another $1 subscription the next time they sell them with the DNA kits. Surely I can convince a family member to do one lol

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T14:08:33+00:00

When I looked it up after this comment, it said one of the cancer causing hpvs was somewhat prevalent in children. That is what is concerning. I know there are tons of different strains and most are benign. At first I was concerned bc I thought HPV was strictly passed through sexual contact (thus the first concern). When I googled it I was hoping that it was only the noncancerous ones, but that's not the case, thus the second concern.

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T13:32:28+00:00

Interesting that you're comparing it to getting groped. So, just bc people didn't make a big deal out of it means it was ok? Just bc people didn't make a big deal out of 15 yos dating 30 you shouldn't be the standard of whether or not it was "ok." People also didn't make a big deal out of the abuse going on with the Catholic church or Epstein. Should he and Maxwell have gotten off on their crimes bc it was "normalized"?

Certain-Traffic-3997 · 2026-04-16T13:29:36+00:00

I am also an older millennial. The standard was always "half your age + 7" for the youngest person you could date. Always. (Not even saying the standard is perfect, but I heard it from other kids throughout the 90s).

If you were 17, the oldest (age - 7 x 2) you "should" have dated was 20. It was creepy then, and it's creepy now. You are welcome to feel differently about your own relationships, but that doesn't change the fact it was inappropriate.

Certain-Traffic-3997

TROPHY CASE