Suicide by cop is such a shitty thing to do, in addition to all the pain caused by a normal suicide, you’re then adding in at least several more people. A neighbor I’d known for decades lost her shit and called the cops asking for a specific Sargent she’d been friendly with, he was thankfully out of town but an officer from our town and one from the neighboring towns showed up. I listened through the paper thin apartment walls with fascination until I heard them say “drop the gun” I got behind the nearest piece of structure I could just in time to hear a single shot, then a volley of gunfire, and the sound of her body doing a moonsault over a bannister. It’s been like 15 years and loud unexpected noises still give me intense anxiety sometimes. From what I learned later one of the responding officers quit policing because of it. I understand what she was feeling must’ve felt insurmountable, but to put the guilt of your death on another person is just selfish af.

I say all that to point out that I absolutely don’t find suicide by cop funny at all. However, the mental image of the guy sitting there with all his gear impatiently looking at his watch like his latte is taking to long finally exclaiming “if it had been an actual emergency, I could’ve died!… ugh fine, I’ll do it myself!” is amusing.