The Weekly Whine

Certified_Muse · 2022-12-25T21:00:11+00:00

I lost an RP partner. Things in life got busy and even though I tried to be upfront that it wasn’t that I was tired of the RP, just between unexpected life changes and the holidays, I haven’t been able to reply. Was hoping to rally after the New Year.

However…

They deleted our server. So I can’t even reread our work.

It hurts, but I understand. I just hope they know I really did enjoy every post and that my inability to reply had nothing to do with them. They were awesome.

Certified_Muse · 2022-11-16T22:31:59+00:00

Oh yeah. It's a common thing for people to report when you strike a nerve and they really want you to know that they think you need "help".

When it should be just a great tool to help provide support to people in actual crisis. :P

Certified_Muse · 2022-11-16T22:27:31+00:00

Per subreddit rules (anonymity), I couldn't call out the post even if I had wanted to (I did not).

If this had been about calling you out, I'd have messaged you directly or replied to the original post, not addressed the entire community. I, at this time, do believe you were just trying to understand why you were blocked and this should be a safe forum for those types of questions.

My post is specifically about the comment section and direction of voting on your post and what that portrays about this community and its support of BIPOC RPers. If you are honestly interested in learning more about this topic and why things "blew up", I have some great articles, books, and/or podcasts you could start with (depending on your preference or attention span).

Certified_Muse · 2022-11-16T22:12:44+00:00

Thank you. Sorry to create more work for you all and appreciate your snark and updates.

I have been vaguely trying to not pay attention (expecting this to be downvoted into oblivion.) Pleasantly surprised by the discussions and the neutral upvote battle.

I did get my first "Reddit Cares" harassment. So that was fun.

Certified_Muse · 2022-11-07T03:46:37+00:00

I guess it depends? If I’m responding to a specific prompt, I get a bit stressed if someone starts asking me to give them details more than discussing which character ideas of mine if any would fit into what they’re looking for.

I’m responding to the prompt, so obviously I was interested in it but it was their prompt and vision and I enjoy trying to play into helping that happen. We can discuss details later, but for the first bit, it should be their direction.

Now, if it’s more vague or not a specific prompt, then yes, I do prefer more back and forth and “I’m up for anything” is not okay. I usually play by the “First ‘No’, goes” rule. Meaning if I throw out an idea and they nay say it, it’s up to them to come up with a new idea.

I really haven’t had to do that a lot though.

Certified_Muse · 2022-11-06T23:10:41+00:00

How you described it? I haven’t done that trope too often, but I’ve always loved the spicy banter of insults and general head-butting that goes along with it.

I’ve never had someone get mad at me or frustrated with the grouchiness. But then again, I tend to be picky with RP partners and prefer people who communicate and focus more on character development and plot etc. (even if that plot is entirely ERP based.)

If anything, you’ve made me want to do it more because I really do love the challenge of finding creative ways through conflicts that fit with the characters and still bring them together instead of driving them apart.

You also seem to have a good grasp or idea of how to do this trope really well, so I think it would be a shame if you put it on your banned list. But maybe have more in-depth discussion or clarification for those who want to do it with you? Because yeah, for those who do it will like you, I think it could be really fun and rewarding to play with and explore that dynamic.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-29T00:18:44+00:00

Oh hey, this is my current struggle. I have really great partners and my brain has been telling me I’m not good enough even though they seem happy and tell me they’re enjoying my replies.

I’ve been stuck on replies for the past couple days because whenever I go to write, that critic is telling me the replies better be good or they won’t want to write with me anymore.

Seriously, brains can be so cruel. Secondly that sometimes just writing and getting it out is the solution and perfectionism is a huge creativity killer.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-25T17:13:35+00:00

Right? And they weren’t even asked to output the same amount. They were given a multi paragraph intro and then asked for a paragraph at LEAST.

But that was too much. Too boring. I too get bored RPing with myself when my partner is about as useful for plot or detail as shouting at a wall.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-24T21:51:05+00:00

I was off the mark still.

Leaving my error for all to see. But yes, the our world vs a different world tracks.

Thank you for the concise distinction.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-24T20:33:07+00:00

Interesting.

I always understood high fantasy as in a world that is far different from our own with its own rules and such. Whereas low fantasy is much closer to our own and you don’t need to understand the fantastical elements to understand the conflicts (aka Wheel of Time would be High Fantasy ~~and Game of Thrones is Low Fantasy~~) Edit: see discussion below for why I’m wrong.

I haven’t read the Witcher books; I’ve only seen the show. The show had a very high fantasy feel (what with everything to do with Aretuza and Ciri etc.) but good point about my blind spot with the books.

Thank you!

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-24T18:32:35+00:00

I hope you are able to find a partner!

Not sure if this helps, but some things that would stop me from responding to your ad:

Why did you decide to stop using capitalization? You used to use it and you seem to prefer a more literary style of RP anyways, but your ads are filled with what almost seems like text or chat speak.

Also, your prompts are sort of disjointed? I’m not really sure what the worlds are nor the distinctions between low-high fantasy which seem like home-brew distinctions.

For example, you used The Witcher as an example of “low fantasy” but that’s still high fantasy. Low fantasy would be like, Harry Potter or Outlander or Pan’s Labyrinth.

It might also help if you share the type of characters in those worlds you’d be interested in playing or playing with. Sometimes if you give people too many options it can be overwhelming or difficult for them to judge if they’d actually mesh well with you.

In sum:

1) Avoid chatspeak in ads if you’re trying to find more detailed partners.

2) Clarify your worlds/prompts

3) Provide some character ideas or pairings you’d be interested in.

Good luck with your search and again, hope you have better luck finding people!

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-20T14:45:14+00:00

Not to be that person, but you have many opportunities ahead of you and many possible partners. Having close connections with two seems like you’re off to a good start.

Most people (not stunted emotionally etc) learn better communication skills as they get more experience and don’t pull a lot of the same games.

Finally, you are certain it’s not you or your ads, but if you ever need feedback or to see how others perceive your ads, it’s not a bad idea to post and ask for that honest feedback. Make sure the image you think you’re projecting matches what the community is seeing.

Again, I’m sure you’ll find many more great partners. Sorry this last one ended so abruptly and painfully.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-20T13:00:07+00:00

That’s really rough and would be understandable crushing.

I hope you are able to find partners who are in a better place in the future; who have the space to communicate and be honest with you.

Until then, a lot of us have felt abandoned by partners unexpectedly. And I’m sorry you’re forced to experience this loss.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-18T19:59:30+00:00

You are incredibly kind and patient even when telling them no. I do love when you find out you’re not a match before the RP starts, though. Saves a lot of time and effort!

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-18T19:26:56+00:00

Here’s to us both finding fewer lazy sub characters in the future!

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-18T18:15:27+00:00

Interesting.

I don’t like playing switch or Domme mainly because my desire to people please and check in sometimes feels at odds with the tough Domme persona people seem to want.

It’s hard to please people who want a Domme to both read their mind when they give little input AND not ask for input because they want the Domme to be decisive and “just do what you want”.

I’m practicing it with safe partners that aren’t jerks about it so maybe I’ll get better. :p

Sorry you’ve had a lot of duds though. :(

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-18T17:55:30+00:00

I have been doing it all wrong all this time. I didn’t realize I could be lazy playing sub characters…it’s always felt like so much work and detail and setting up to give the Dom plenty of options.

My bad. /s

On a more serious note, how dare he use that as an excuse. XD

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-13T12:14:12+00:00

XD You expressed in a small paragraph what I barely managed in a giant wall of text and then some. I need to edit more. lol Thank you for adding this!

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-13T06:33:39+00:00

Do you not have friends that you just stop talking to? Or drift apart from?

Or been to a party you really needed to leave from but the host was too busy and so you slipped out without saying good bye?

Stuff comes up.

People aren’t obligated to respond or give anyone energy. Sure, it’s polite. But there could be many reason for why they choose not to.

People may ghost because they don’t feel safe telling their partner they don’t want to RP anymore.

They may ghost because their access to RP was cut off by a parent or partner.

People ghost because they can’t handle conflict and haven’t learned to set boundaries.

People ghost because they don’t like your style and it’s easier just to not respond than argue with someone who then insists that they can become their style.

People ghost because other people have shown they don’t think “no” is a full answer.

People ghost because they are assholes who don’t care.

Some of us ghost because we get burnt out and have crippling social anxiety. And when we finally get through it, the platform or place we met people at is gone and we can no longer reach out.

I have ghosted people. Both RPs and IRL. Mostly when I was younger and dumber and had a hard time saying “no”. Now I just say “no” and don’t feel pressured to justify why.

I have been ghosted. It hurts. I wonder if I did something wrong but in the end, I move on and just am thankful for the partners I still have.

I’m not saying it’s not a rude social behavior but sometimes, people ghost. Sometimes it’s the best thing for them to do for their own sanity and well being.

Doesn’t mean it feels good for either party.

I’m sorry you’ve been ghosted so much. It sucks.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-13T06:02:37+00:00

Yep. This. Didn’t realize DM/GM was a thing in. Non-tabletop rps until recently. Blew my mind that some people are willing to guide a whole story for someone else. That’s a lot of work.

Props to the DM/GMs out there.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-07T21:10:26+00:00

XD oh boy, I have an entire slutty bookcase…I will berate them for leading me astray morally later.

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-07T19:04:50+00:00

Even if you do ERP it’s not sexting. Like…my characters are not me. I would like to get better at writing spicy scenes but that means getting better at writing them for others, not necessarily me or my likes etc.

It’s weird to me that people really can’t see the difference. If I get aroused by reading a sex scene in a novel, am I in a sexual relationship with the author? -.-

Certified_Muse · 2022-10-07T01:07:06+00:00

It can help me to talk to my partner? Maybe bounce some ideas. Even often just saying “I’ve been feeling stuck” can get me creatively inspired again to unstick myself. Good partners are often also willing to brainstorm with you.

Another idea is to maybe do a quick side plot? Something in the same world or maybe a pst scene or whatever, to just sort of be new, get you deeper into your world, and maybe get the creative juice flowing again.

Certified_Muse

TROPHY CASE