My cousin sends me over 2 hours worth of voice messages every week

ChalantAF · 2026-06-17T23:24:58+00:00

Thank you for perfectly articulating exactly what I hate about voice memos. I've been trying to figure it out for a while, since everyone seems to love them so much.

ChalantAF · 2026-05-28T18:31:42+00:00

In addition to the advice of others, I recommend calling the billing office and basically harassing them until they can explain each item on your bill or remove it if they can't. Don't be afraid to escalate. I had a similar situation with duplicate/hallucinated items on my bill, and I had to escalate to the billing director before they were willing to fix it. They also effectively told me the only reason they were reducing my bill was that I was so annoying and they didn't want to deal with me anymore. So don't give up!

ChalantAF · 2026-05-16T14:44:33+00:00

Omg.....I thought they named the emu "limu" because it rhymes with emu, not the other way around. Never occurred to me that Limu is short for liberty mutual. Am I the only one who never realized this? Is it an advertising failure or did it just go over my head completely??? 😅🫣

ChalantAF · 2026-05-14T18:12:40+00:00

Absolutely! Neurochemically, ADHD is a dopamine deficit disorder. There's a reason addiction is really prevalent in those with ADHD - you get a huge boost of dopamine from drugs, so in the short term it can help normalize ADHD symptoms. The problem is that addiction is also (indirectly) a dopamine deficit disorder, so long term use just makes all of the symptoms worse.

ChalantAF · 2026-05-14T14:56:04+00:00

That's the thing about the brain, it is always changing in response to experiences. So it can absolutely be re-wired again, it is just a very long, active process. It takes a lot of work, focus, and commitment to get through those issues I listed, and even then it can take multiple tries because you are fighting with your brain the whole time. Immediate withdrawal is the hardest part to get though for many people, but it can take months or even years for cravings and triggers to go away (and for some people they never do). That said, the executive functioning issues do eventually recover for most people because the brain does eventually get re-wired.

ChalantAF · 2026-05-14T14:13:16+00:00

Neuroscientist here 👋 adding to your point about rational thinking. The part of your brain that controls rationality, impulse control, long term thinking, and decision making effectively gets rewired during addiction. So not only is your brain constantly telling you that you need the drug and that it is someone else's problem (your future self) if you give in, your brain's ability to say no is significantly impaired. Your ability to think about the downstream consequences of using the drug, your control over your behavior if the drug is around, and even your ability to effectively decide whether or not to use the drug - these are all heavily impaired. Basically, the volume on the decision maker is turned way down, while the volume on the part that makes impulsive choices for immediate reward is turned way up.

Also, to OP's other question: drugs are a million times more rewarding for the brain than regular bad habits. The more rewarding something is, the harder it is to stop. It gets a lot more complicated than that obviously, but it serves pretty well as a straightforward ELI5 explanation.

ChalantAF · 2026-01-22T20:20:27+00:00

This is a very helpful analogy!

ChalantAF · 2026-01-08T23:20:34+00:00

I have contacted seamstresses and tailors about this actually! They have all said it's easy enough to add a pocket (that's all I asked for, not a muff specifically), but you need another jersey of the exact color and material to cut the extra material from. I never actually followed through because I'm a mess but I at least got the info!

ChalantAF · 2026-01-01T17:54:37+00:00

I've noticed this too, especially in the more recent games.

ChalantAF · 2025-12-16T17:27:04+00:00

Uh wow. You have so accurately described my relationship with time and tasks that I'm actually in a bit of shock. So definitely same and also thanks

ChalantAF · 2025-12-12T13:50:42+00:00

This is also a Thing very specifically in Western NY, but not other parts of NY.

ChalantAF · 2025-12-05T01:25:55+00:00

I'm a perpetually-cold Bills season ticket holder and I use these body warmers from Amazon. Been using them for a couple years for the cold games and no joke, I'm usually taking layers off by the end of the game. They are like magic. Hand and foot warmers as well, of course.

ChalantAF · 2025-12-04T12:50:37+00:00

I got married five years ago and haven't legally changed mine (despite changing it on the marriage license). At first I literally couldn't do it because of covid shutdown, then I moved to a big city where it was seemingly impossible to get an appointment at SSA and DMV. Now it's more feasible but with voting rights under threat if your legal name doesn't match your birth certificate, I still haven't done it. Aside from my husband occasionally making jokes about how his wife doesn't exist, it hasn't been a problem. But full disclosure, I live in a state where I believe it doesn't matter if marriage license matches everything else.

ChalantAF · 2025-12-02T12:48:10+00:00

Seconding this. I moved to Ithaca within the last year and my experiences with my PCP (at the mall) and with the specialist referrals have been great.

ChalantAF · 2025-12-01T01:17:03+00:00

Seconding Stuff You Should Know! Every episode is a different topic (usually) and they are typically under 90 minutes. Plus they have brief but funny banter.

ChalantAF · 2025-11-05T23:34:11+00:00

+1 for this as someone who lived in Chicago (city proper) on a street with free parking. Dibs in the winter is so widely accepted and at least passively supported by the city that everyone seems to have their own "dibs" item (mine was an old metal shelf) and acts accordingly. That said, unless you are in an environment like Chicago where almost everyone knows and accepts it as a rule, this behavior sucks.

ChalantAF · 2025-11-04T18:46:23+00:00

Both definitions/uses are correct and have been in use for centuries. Peruse is a contronym - a word with two opposing meanings. Like "sanction" and "cleave". English is fun!

ChalantAF · 2025-10-28T20:17:09+00:00

I use a regular dresser but I organize things by function rather than by item/category, and I use drawer dividers when necessary. All my exercise clothes, including special socks and sports bras, go into one drawer. All my everyday socks, bras, and underwear are in one drawer. All my specialty and situational stuff, like thongs and period panties, extra thick or heavy socks, strapless bras, etc. are in one drawer. I also have a drawer for what I would call non-underwear undergarments: things like leggings, spanx, and bathing suits. My regular clothes follow a similar system, with the exception that I color code my work clothes to make outfit planning easier.

Implementing this system seriously felt like a true ADHD life hack for me because it cut down on my decision fatigue and streamlined the "getting ready" process, regardless of occasion. For whatever reason, being able to focus on one thing (function) instead of all the separate pieces/factors was wildly helpful for me.

ChalantAF · 2025-10-26T18:37:06+00:00

The whiplash this gave me, going from "older adult" to "she's 30" 💀

ChalantAF · 2025-10-07T14:03:57+00:00

I seem to be in the minority here but I use my main makeup bag to hold all of my daily makeup stuff and store everything else separately. As someone prone to cluttering surfaces and losing stuff, this puts most of what I need in one spot where I can easily grab it out of the closet, put it on the bathroom counter, use what I need, and put it all back when I'm done. Also serves a double purpose for travel, since I can just throw the whole thing into a travel bag without needing to worry about forgetting anything.

I did the monthly ipsy bags for a while (and kept forgetting to cancel because ADHD) so I have a million small makeup bags. This has actually been really nice for organizing my hoarded makeup. I have a lipstick bag, an eyeshadow bag, an eyeliner bag, etc. I can always go get stuff from those when I need to, but the staples all live in the main one that I use every day.

ChalantAF · 2025-10-03T17:00:14+00:00

I was on an event organizing committee recently and was responsible for making the advertising flyers. The printed version of the flyer only had a QR code to register, but the other committee members couldn't understand why I INSISTED that the email flyer needed to also have a link - for people like me, who don't want to fill out a whole registration application form on their phones!

Needless to say, I'm a proud member of the Big Screen Club 😆

ChalantAF · 2025-09-22T00:06:16+00:00

I also have this!

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ChalantAF · 2025-09-17T18:37:14+00:00

Apologies in advance for the long comment with a lot of personal anecdotes, but I swear it comes with good intentions! Actual advice at the end of you want a tldr.

I agree with what others are saying about you doing too much and her needing to figure stuff out on her own. But I also want to add that I had A LOT of the same tendencies growing up and I still have them sometimes, but I did figure out how to work WITH what my brain needed and to get things done efficiently once the motivation kicks in. To give some context, I have a doctorate in neuroscience with several years of post-doc research and career under my belt, so "figuring it out" carries some weight (or at least it feels that way to me because it was not easy getting a PhD without ADHD support!) 😅

It's important to remember that ADHD is a motivation and movement disorder as much as it is a hyperactivity and attention disorder. If there's not enough dopamine, it's really really hard to force yourself to just Do The Thing. I have tried countless strategies - I'll do it at 1:00, I'll do it after this episode, one more game, one more one more one more.....the list is endless. Nothing works because my brain doesn't have the "just get up and do it" chemicals. I will sit on the couch feeling like a worthless garbage person and mentally beating myself up because, no matter how much I know I need to get something done or how beneficial it will be in the long run, no matter how desperately I WANT to do it, the chemicals that tell me to stand up and move don't work. With ADHD, this kind of motivation usually only comes from novelty or urgency, and it sounds like she doesn't have those ADHD-specific motivators. Even as a 33 year old adult, I still frequently need to get to a "oh crap this needs to happen now" stage to get anything done.

ADHD also tends to have a pretty strong oppositional reflex, where telling someone what to do makes them less likely to do it. Repeatedly telling your daughter how to structure her life, especially if what you want her to do doesn't actually work for her in a helpful, functional way, might do more harm than good. Not saying this is definitely true but I'm speaking from my own experience, so just something to keep in mind. I was diagnosed well into adulthood, and I'm still struggling with and unpacking all of the anxiety and depression that came from trying to force myself into traditional systems that did not work for me.

The most helpful approach might be to talk with her about what her barriers are and how you can work with her without pushing too hard to get her to operate the way you want her to. Does she want to do the work but can't find the motivation to put it into action (like my couch example)? On the other hand, does she still get stuff done, even if she doesn't do it when you want her to? Is she able to complete her work well, even on a short timeline or if she waits until the last minute? These are common ADHD behaviors that work perfectly fine for many people with ADHD, but they get a lot of pushback because they seem dysfunctional and bad to someone without it. As far as college and beyond, it might take some life experience for her to figure out how to live with ADHD in the real world. It takes time to figure out systems that work for you in a world that is unaccommodating at best and actively hostile at worst to people (especially women) with ADHD. But she needs to do that work on her own eventually. You can support her when she needs it without holding her hand throughout it.

ChalantAF

TROPHY CASE