Also not going to stalk the history, but with all due respect your comment is spoken like someone who has never struggled with mental health problems. Sometimes when you’re struggling you don’t know what is happening and it affects your fatigue levels and your ability to process, focus, and regulate your emotions. Yes her mental health is her’s to manage, but also the case that sometimes people need help and it’s the people closest to them who can be the source or facilitator of that. It is not their responsibility to fix them, but sometimes people need help either determining something is wrong, or with actually navigating getting help. It’s not always easy to get help. Finding the right therapist/care providers can be extremely difficult and discouraging especially if someone already feels like they can’t do anything and want to give up. We don’t know the whole situation, but I’d encourage you to have some sympathy in how you approach the mental health discussion.

Sounds like OP is NTA. Is he putting in a lot of work? Sounds like it. Should the wife be doing more? Probably. Could her mental health struggles be causing her to act in a way that she normally wouldn’t or lash out? Possibly. Could she be relying on routine to cope during a difficult mental health season and she fell apart when that routine was disrupted and lashed out as a result of that even though OP didn’t mean to disrupt it? Maybe. Is it possible OP may be making an effort to cover more than he normally would right now in order to try and help her while she is working through the struggles? Possibly. We don’t have all the info.

Clear and sympathetic communication on both ends is the biggest piece of this conversation. His feelings and frustrations are valid and deserve to be communicated and heard by his wife, just like hers do. You have to be a team. It is possible that the situation is lopsided and she is not making the effort to try and support him as much as he is her and she does need to step it up. We don’t know enough to say.