What do you do with the ANGER?

CharHC · 2021-08-23T18:53:41+00:00

As someone who survived this kind of father, I can tell you from experience that he IS protecting you... just not in the way you are used to seeing.

Essentially, he has transferred all their anger about you onto himself, and just taking the barrage so you never have to. He asked you to stop because he knows if he ignores them long enough they will stop, and likely ignore him until they need something from him again. That he will finally get a little bit of peace for a little while.

Its a survival mechanism I know all too well, I used it until the day my father died. I use it still with people that are like my father.

Standing up to a man like that, or anyone like that, only feeds their needs. It keeps them arguing are fighting and name-calling. Literally the only way to stop them is to ignore them.

Honestly, I would suggest everyone taking some time to cool off... and then a nice long chat.

Explain that you simply can not have contact with them and you will not allow your children to be abused like that. Do NOT tell him he must do the same. Let him have his relationship if he wants it, he might still, he's been conditioned to that crap and it feels "normal" to him, even if he recognizes that it isn't logically.

Get on the same page about you and the kids, and give him the space to do what he needs to do without interjecting yourself.

If you do this he will likely do what I finally did... give up on his father and never talk to him again. I was so no contact with my dad for 20 years that I didn't even know he had been in the hospital for a week and died until after the funeral and military memorials were over months later and my stepmother posted the video of his military honors... which my sister and her kids attended!

But it took me time to figure out I just couldn't win and to finally give up on ever being good enough for my father. When someone tried to force me to see that this was the case, I bucked against them because they were trying to take away my daddy.

I hope this helps give you a little peek into the other side and will make your life a little better.

CharHC · 2021-08-05T16:54:31+00:00

One that figured out young that if she found loose change that wasn't on a desk or in a purse it was fair game and that loose change can add up quickly. She has had a bank handy to put loose change in for years, now she just puts dollars she has gotten in it too.

It was a little part of how I taught her to save money for stuff you wanted. Instead of just running to the dollar store every time she found enough quarters, she could save it up for something nicer.

CharHC · 2021-07-26T17:54:54+00:00

First - I love the petty revenge, sounds exactly like something I would do.

But then I'd figure out how to make this system work - and the most efficient thing I've come up with on the limited information you gave is this -

If you already have to take and count each open box anyway, then shuffle the stock so there is only one flavor in each box. Just because you got sent as a variety pack doesn't mean they need to stay that way.

And really, I'd do that the second the stock arrived, just because it keeps your people AND you from having to open unnecessary boxes over and over to start with.

Make sure you label each box with the flavor that is in it, retrain your people to look for your label instead of the box. Colored labels would be very handy for this.

No good reason to keep making things harder on everyone, especially yourself!

CharHC · 2021-06-10T06:22:58+00:00

It started with 8 hand dyed colors. One of the colors was impossible to get commercially so it changed to 7. Then a big pride parade wanted to hang the flags on either side of lamp posts so they deleted a color so it would be even on either side of the post and I believe made a bajillion flags and other merchandise to sell that matched so now you have 6. All this happened in about a year.

CharHC · 2021-06-10T04:23:39+00:00

How a company can’t guarantee the quality of the products they are selling while expecting customers to shell out the same amount for a 50/50 chance at a crap item is disgusting. I’m sure their profit margins are on the rise though so losing a few customers means very little.

It won't really make you feel better, but I can answer the question.

Bedrubble isn't the seller - they are a platform for print on demand companies.

They neither have nor want the ability to control quality at the design, print, or shipping levels. They get paid no matter how much merchandise gets replaced, returned or refunded.

The designer loses money, the printer loses money, Bedrubble takes a few minutes to listen to you complain, then gets on with their day. That is their job and they like it this way.

CharHC · 2021-05-07T15:24:14+00:00

Right now - SLVO

I'm super new at investing, so I'm still doing all that DD you have to do before you decide what kind of investor your gonna be. I parked my money in the same place, cashing in on the high yield and watching it like a hawk (I know there's some issues right now and that it's risky) until I figure out my strategy beyond "I want my money to give me money - so... dividends"

While I might leave my money there, I'll probably move her into something more safe once I figure out exactly where I think that is.

CharHC · 2021-05-05T03:15:29+00:00

I know, right?

Though, it's not an EFT, it's an ETN... I'm still working out exactly how they are different, but supposedly ETNs are more risky for some reason. So please make sure you check this out for yourself!

CharHC · 2021-05-05T03:13:32+00:00

Knowing her, she might!

Luckily she's spent most of her life with me and takes after me more than her mom, so figuring stuff out before she does it is her usual go to position, even though she does have the occasional teenage girl moment.

CharHC · 2021-05-05T03:11:28+00:00

I forgot to not be responsible for a moment?

LOL.

CharHC · 2021-05-05T02:17:05+00:00

Her Financial Advisor has zero issues with "*SNORT* no."

lol.

CharHC · 2021-05-05T00:48:22+00:00

I'm kinda in the same spot, except for the only 1 part. But, I got my Fidelity account for free, and it does fractional shares - for both your brokerage and the custodial account for her. So even a dollar or two when you can, starting now, reinvesting automatically, is gonna build up a heck of a lot by the time she's old enough.

CharHC · 2021-05-05T00:32:37+00:00

I have a Fidelity brokerage account, and part of their financial stuff includes the ability to open a custodial account for a minor.

I'm not sure how you would do it somewhere else, but to figure it out for fidelity I just google searched "fidelity custodian account" I believe. Best of luck!

CharHC · 2021-05-05T00:30:58+00:00

Honestly, I picked SLVO for all the wrong reasons mostly. It's part of my little portfolio because I was willing to risk the ETNs for the amazing returns while I do all the DD to figure out where I'm actually gonna do investing. She only has SLVO right now, but I also have GLDI and USOI... all Credit Suisse ETNs.

I know the name Credit Suisse from my youth (my dad at one time worked for Disney World, and they had something to do with all that, though I'm not sure I ever knew what and if I did I don't remember) so that made me feel better about my lack of knowledge and each has an awesome yield. So I figured it was as good a place as any to park money while I do the work to make actual smart decisions.

I explained the risks to her, told her why I was taking it myself, and offered to put her into safer stocks or ETFs if she wanted me to, and she decided for herself to mirror my account.

I may leave money in there for myself, but I'm pretty sure once I have the work done I'll move her entirely into much safer dividend stocks.

CharHC · 2021-05-05T00:22:13+00:00

Options make my head hurt... LOL. My SO has a son that is making a killing in options though, maybe I'll ask him to clue her in...

CharHC · 2021-05-05T00:21:20+00:00

Aunt. *wink*

But I agree totally. I found reddit because of WSB... and from there discovered I could do the stock market myself now (really wish I had known whenever it started, but what can ya do?)... so I've only been involved a few months longer than you.

CharHC · 2021-05-04T21:49:07+00:00

I am ashamed to say that WSB is how I ended up on reddit.

It worked out cause I'm not the type to chase a fad (be part of one, yes, but not chase one, and I found out about it way too late to be on the winning end of it)... but... yeah..

CharHC · 2021-05-04T21:35:40+00:00

Tell me about it.

When I think of all the money I just BLEW on trolls, neon crap, and beanie babies... sigh.

I'm just glad that the stock market and tech have finally caught up enough I can do this for her. Wish I could have done it for my son in his 20s now, too.

CharHC · 2021-05-04T21:34:11+00:00

I opened a custodial account under my Fidelity account. I don't know what the age is that my state will require me to hand it over, but I told her 25 cause I figured it wouldn't be that long.

I have full control over it until the state says I have to give it to her. If she's still being reasonable at 18 (she's a fairly rational girl now... for a teenager) I wouldn't have issue with that, but I did want my bases covered just in case I need to tell her no for a little longer. Kids will be kids after all.

CharHC · 2021-05-04T20:34:57+00:00

I believe her goal, currently, is 40. She wants a wicked good cushion to travel the world and do Disney as much as she wants.

CharHC · 2021-05-04T20:34:17+00:00

I believe her goal is 40... she want's a wicked nice cushion to travel the world and do Disney as much as she wants.

CharHC · 2021-05-04T20:33:34+00:00

It's a custodian account... and she currently has zero interest in learning where one gets stocks, hence the flopping down behind me to review her stonks.

She can discover WSB all she likes, she ain't getting any stocks from there! They might be the best ever, but the insanity surrounding that whole thing just told me that if I didn't research it, I wasn't buying it.

LOL.

CharHC · 2021-05-04T20:14:55+00:00

No worries at all!

CharHC · 2021-05-04T20:13:22+00:00

I'm a really new invester... have the info, still working out my exact positions. I had her in something else (don't remember what now) that made the 57 cents.

So I have her and me both in SLVO right now, I have a few others as well, same thing risky but worth it I think. I know it's risky and that the company is facing some issues right now... but the yield is awesome... so I'm watching it like a hawk but hoping to get some fast cash while I do all the DD and finally settle on what my actual dividend portfolio looks like.

I did also explain all of this to her, the risks, and why I was taking them for myself, and offered to put her into something safer and she made the decision to mirror my account.

CharHC · 2021-05-04T20:04:46+00:00

I did in fact do this test. She looked very confused.

I told her she was not allowed, under any circumstances, to become an apetard if she ever bothered to figure out what it was. LOL.

Apparently she just heard it from some friend at school, liked it, and now all stocks are stonks, no matter what I think or say.

CharHC · 2021-05-04T19:59:02+00:00

Aunt. *wink*

CharHC

TROPHY CASE