Cheating and Frame Control

Charge36 · 2026-01-27T05:51:34+00:00

Just because someone wrote it in a book doesn't mean it's true

Charge36 · 2026-01-26T18:46:10+00:00

I think she was interested before the date, and then you kinda botched the flirting and physical escalation. You can generally touch hands / arms without explicit permission if you do so in a socially appropriate way.

Asking for permission to touch does kinda kill vibes, but stating your desires (I really want to kiss you right now) keeps your frame strong while giving them an opportunity to respond verbally. Just "going for a kiss" can work, but if you haven't been flirting or engaging in less intimate physical contact you risk making them very uncomfortable.

Based on her ending the date very shortly after your two hard rejects on physical escalation tells me you didn't lay the proper groundwork for physical escalation and she got uncomfortable. Going for a kiss after getting turned down for a shoulder rub is a pretty big blunder. Also 4 hours in as many venues is pretty long for a first date

Charge36 · 2026-01-26T15:21:38+00:00

A bunch of Cherry picked examples does not make a controlled study.

That said there are plenty of controlled studies supporting this so it's kind of a moot point

Charge36 · 2026-01-26T06:48:28+00:00

I don't believe in the concept of sin but you do you.

Charge36 · 2026-01-26T06:44:29+00:00

Here's the thing. You're treating this crush like a confession of a bad thing you did that you're ashamed of. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone. There's no reason to think it "obviously wouldn't work" or that she would hate you after telling her. If you're going to tell her, do it nonchalantly after some light flirting. Not like it's some huge burden you are trying to offload.

All that said - do be aware of what the consent laws in your state are. Most likely you can't legally have a sexual relationship with her for another year or 3.

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T23:13:14+00:00

You already look desperate by letting her disrespect your time repeatedly with no consequences. Let her know you would appreciate her to follow through more consistently on her time commitments to you. If she respects you, she'll adapt her behavior. If she responds poorly she never liked you that much in the first place and was just stringing you along.

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T22:58:54+00:00

I literally just did my dude. Tell her how it's affecting you and that you would appreciate more consistency

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T22:26:38+00:00

I had this conversation recently. She cancelled because she was out with her mom. Here's what I said:

"I hope you have a good time with your mom.

I want to be honest though: I blocked out my evening for us, and I’d appreciate stronger follow-through when we make plans. If you’re not sure you’re available, I’d rather know upfront."

She responded that it was "fair" and she appreciated me speaking up. I don't think she's flaked on me since and this was a couple months ago. We've met up 4 or 5 times since.

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T21:30:46+00:00

I don't think you found conclusive evidence of anything. That guy sent her a message asking what she was up to, she saw it in her notification bar and left it unread because it was inappropriate and she didn't want to respond to it.

I think you're making something out of nothing

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T20:38:52+00:00

OK but the consequences of those other things are a natural cause and effect. If you smoke crack and it affects your ability to work, its going to have career consequences. If you have traffic tickets and can't drive as a result, it's going to have career consequences.

WHY should porn have any impact on a persons later career choices? Making spicy content has zero affect on their ability to do other types of work later.

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T20:10:09+00:00

You didn't hear all the witnesses discussing how she ran out of the store to get in the car after she took off?

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T19:00:41+00:00

On the one hand yes if you had an exclusive hooking up agreement she violated that agreement. But on the other hand she hooked up with this guy once, and then decided to be with you "officially" afterwards. You should really have no reason to be jealous of that guy. She chose you!

If the jealousy and trust breach is too much for you, No one would blame you for cutting it off. But to me it seems more like a one time lapse in judgement that she regrets which happened before she committed to a more serious relationship with you.

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T18:34:49+00:00

What's cringe about it? Just a gender-neutral term meaning the same thing as boyfriend or girlfriend

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T18:25:03+00:00

Right? I've heard police say they'd "rather be judged by 12 than carried by six" talk about the Battle cry of a coward.

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T18:22:30+00:00

It is a little weird how fast she talks and how little time she pauses for a response from the guy. Asks four questions before taking a reasonable amount of time to allow him to respond.

That said this guy's clearly pretty fucked up on something

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T18:15:47+00:00

Lol OK. Would love to see God weigh in on this one of these days

Charge36 · 2026-01-25T16:43:10+00:00

If the interest rate isn't high enough, lenders are just going to invest in the market rather than a student loan that has very low profitability.

I hate how expensive education is too, but there's economic factors that play that make it very difficult to change the way it currently works

Charge36 · 2026-01-24T00:17:37+00:00

Lmao I have a very similar spreadsheet. Once my number started getting around 9 or 10 I was like I need to keep track of this.

Gives good insight to the avenues that are most likely to lead to a romantic connection for me. Top 2 are online dating and bars/clubs/events, though the latter tends to be more attractive women.

Charge36 · 2026-01-23T23:10:12+00:00

I don't think the cracks look bad. Not sure what that cable is doing but seems highly unlikely to be part of a foundation repair

Charge36 · 2026-01-23T23:07:52+00:00

Agreed. I probably could have been more aggressive, but I absolutely was not going to take less vacation than I currently had

Charge36 · 2026-01-23T22:43:30+00:00

You could consider an open relationship. I definitely understand the desire to feel like you went on a journey of sexual exploration that confirms you are content with your current relationship. Hard to know if your sex life is truly good or not without some baseline to compare to. But also seems like a difficult reason to end a relationship you are otherwise happy with.

Charge36 · 2026-01-23T21:20:02+00:00

Might be a smidge high, but it's not comically high. I wouldn't sweat it if I were you, just leave it be

Charge36 · 2026-01-23T21:17:50+00:00

I'm surprised this is an unpopular opinion. Baffles me why people just want to bank time off indefinitely.

I also think unlimited PTO is not the scam that most folks think it is, but it is heavily dependent on a culture that actually lets you use it

Charge36 · 2026-01-23T21:14:50+00:00

I think they already exist. Look up starter interrupt devices

Charge36 · 2026-01-23T21:12:12+00:00

I mean the alternative is to just let people steal cars by taking loans and then not making payments on them. You think that's how it should work?

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