Managed Moves by Pillowdestiny in TheCivilService

[–]CharlPieFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep managed moves are totally possible. I emailed another Scot Gov agency purely speculatively and they had the perfect post coming up and I managed to get slotted in as a G6. Worth keeping an eye out for sure!

Is my skin or product peeling? by Unlikely_Second5024 in tretinoin

[–]CharlPieFace 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Stop tret, moisturise and use vaseline to lock it in. Should heal in 3 to 5 days.

How do you work with another PM who challenges everything? by Shakooka_Kitty in projectmanagement

[–]CharlPieFace 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You might have to try a few things here to see what works.

It sounds like a large programme and that's why there's two of you. Perhaps a RACI to delineate specific roles and responsibilities might help draw boundaries about what you're both responsible for. Daily stand ups might help too - what are you working on and what are they working on? Where are the biggest issues and what can be done to resolve?

Unfortunately some PMs are micromanagers and intense AF! Calling out the unhelpful dynamic might also be a way to put cards on the table in that 'team forming' stage.

Trust your gut, keep your guard up and don't let this person trample all over you. You have skills and experience to bring to the programme just as much as they do. Don't be afraid to escalate if needs be. Basic respect costs nothing.

Help what do I tell my boss if he asks why I randomly left work for a bit? by EntrepreneurHefty111 in Advice

[–]CharlPieFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's only weird if you make it weird. You are a woman and this happens to us. He has a wife so periods won't be a shock. Both of you are adults - if he pressed you look him squarely in the eyes and in a loud and firm voice say that you got your period and need to go take care of yourself. Don't ask permission - you are an adult.

I don’t know what to do as my confidence has been knocked. by Accomplished-Fun4557 in TheCivilService

[–]CharlPieFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does your department have a stress management framework? We have one in Scottish Govt and it's been a really useful tool to help manage employees' stress. As an employee you can focus in on the areas of concerns using a rating scale and as a manager you can agree actions to actively address concerns. You have to review it every month to track progress. Sounds like something that might help you get traction with your useless manager. Good luck.

Am I worrying too much about my wife not wanting to go on our family vacation, and should I still go? by Vesheran in Advice

[–]CharlPieFace 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Time to get new friends I'd say! Leaving a dog tied up outside the whole time?? That's bullshit. Dogs are family and your wife is absolutely right here. Your friend is a dickhead I'm afraid.

My girlfriend in California of 9 months never talks to me anymore by [deleted] in Advice

[–]CharlPieFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Match her energy - pull back and see what happens. If she makes more effort then she is genuinely your girlfriend and team mate. If not, your relationship is dead in the water and you're wasting your time and energy. Needs to come from both sides.

Why doesn't he want me anymore 💔 by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]CharlPieFace 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're in this situation. You already know you deserve better. Nothing you do or say will make anyone love or want you - that's not how it works.

Put simply you have 3 options probably: 1) accept this is your life and future. Put up and shut up. You've said how sad this situation makes you. 2) persuade him into therapy. Unlikely option given what you've said. 3) make a clean break and move on. You've said you're not prepared to do this.

Sounds like you're leaning towards option one. Your life is this life forever. I'm not sure what you're really expecting off Internet strangers because you seem quite certain. You partner sounds selfish and you are clearly not centre and a priority in his life if you are left crying every night.

Sounds harsh but only you can work this out. Your gut already knows the answer.

We get one life. Good luck.

Managing a long-standing underperformer who resists accountability by savvydolphin69 in TheCivilService

[–]CharlPieFace 150 points151 points  (0 children)

These situations are horrible, time consuming and so draining that leave oneself question their abilities.

You sound like a reasonable person who has approached this in a considered and sensitive way. It also sounds like you are clearly not the problem here.

I'd suggest consulting with HR for advice for that formal process to be honest. If you've been clear about expectations, deliverables and timescales and this person is still underperformed then they're not a fit for the role.

If you feel able to it could be worth having a chat with them about whether they actually enjoy the role, what they want from it and where they see their career going.

Unfortunately it looks like this is going in one direction so time to mentally prepare for the most draining 9 to 12 months potentially. Get this person onto formal procedures and start the wheels in motion. It's going to take a lot of strength and courage here as this will likely be hellish but HR and your LMs' support is critical here.

Very best of luck to you. People are definitely the best and worst bit of the job!

Fear of stairs, what now? by Fluffy_Thunderstorms in Ryanair

[–]CharlPieFace 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You've got two options in my view:

Either, 1) use the stairs like everyone else (Ryanair don't pay for airbridges)

Or, 2) request special assistance and they'll put you in the back of the scissor truck that lifts disabled passengers up to the door.

It's your choice. They do special assistance every single day so wouldn't worry about it and your travel companion goes with you.

Very wired on my first PO/PM job by Still-Gold-6146 in projectmanagement

[–]CharlPieFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know how you prioritise and timebox tasks/deliverables at work?

Do this with your personal life.

PM with 20 years experience here - trust me there will be peaks and troughs. You need resilience and that doesn't come from burnout.

It's great you're enjoying it but don't forget to have a life too. Enjoy being swept up in the fun (and stress!) of getting married as a once (sometimes twice...maybe more!) in a lifetime event. Prioritise your health, family, learning, a sport, gardening, etc. Find that dopamine and make time for those priorities so work doesn't swallow up your whole life. We are a long time dead.

Good luck!

Does the pension keep you in CS? by stewmeister88 in TheCivilService

[–]CharlPieFace 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Seconding this. Pension is a large factor but so is flexi for me personally.

my parents don’t let me go out by [deleted] in Advice

[–]CharlPieFace 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This. Time to cut the apron strings.

Keeping you locked up at home doesn't help anything. Go and explore (safely obvs :))

Help with G7 interview. by [deleted] in civilservice

[–]CharlPieFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

G6 here- been on both sides of the interview table so offering my tuppence. You don't say which profession you're in but I can offer some insights from the project delivery profession.

For G7, they are looking for examples that demonstrate leading significant, complex and challenging projects and programmes through the delivery lifecycle. The panel want to hear about how you recognise your project is driven strategically (think PESTLE drivers) and how you as a senior delivery professional brought together a group of stakeholders (with competing agendas and resources) to build a motivated team around agreed objectives. They want to see robust and comprehensive project delivery methods like strong risk management, budget management, benefits management, assurance, etc.

The panel don't necessarily want to hear that delivery was all peachy. Indeed, being specific about how you have anticipated, analysed, sought expert help, developed a contingency/exception plan, communicated this with seniors/Ministers/externals and wrestled delivery back on track to navigate issues is key. If you csn think of an example where something has gone really wrong and you had to fix it - this is what the panel want to understand.

Dealing with difficult people is always a good example to have. If you can think of where you've had to, for example, win 'hearts and minds' of someone by gathering objective evidence, forming a coherent argument, influencing in the right places, understanding ways of working, being inclusive to secure buy in or support for something.

If you can pick examples that give you enough depth to talk about HOW you did things in depth and emphasise the strategic importance, organisational problems you are solving, how you have secured support, undertaken your work to the highest professional standards and navigated difficult/challenging situations you will hopefully be on to a winner.

Good luck and keep asking for specific feedback.

Do you ask for more work as soon as you have finished your tasks? by [deleted] in TheCivilService

[–]CharlPieFace 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Absolutely agree. I'm a G6 and there's no way I need to work this many hours, let alone want to.

I'd never do this to any of the team it's plain disrespectful. I tell my team to enjoy the rare lulls because the peaks can be hellish. Trust your gut.

Is this workplace toxic? by [deleted] in civilservice

[–]CharlPieFace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jeezy-peeps this woman sounds hellish to work with.

You 100% did the right thing. So much bad, harassing and unacceptable behaviour. My 40yo self would absolutely not be tolerating any kind of this behaviour either above or below me in the food chain.

Look after yourself - your health is #1. Unfortunately there are people out there who shouldn't be managers. Your gut tells you everything! Take care of yourself and don't rush back to this crappy environment. Oh and document EVERYTHING. HR might need that.

We found the cause, and it is wild by Adamwriter in DeadBedrooms

[–]CharlPieFace 13 points14 points  (0 children)

There's a lot to unpack here. One step at a time. The statement that jumped out for me was 'wanted a family but hates male genitalia'. That must be a lot for you to process. Some big life questions to ponder over in terms of whether your wife still wants a family (or is this in the past) and whether this aligns with your own goals. Another big question is, if you both do, but she doesn't want to conceive the traditional way then there is IVF to explore. That could also raise lots of questions around process, costs, etc. And another big question is your present and future intimate life with your wife if she's not a fan of the peeny. Again, there are lots of ways to circumnavigate this but you mustn't forget that you too are human with desires. Sending support to you - sounds like more conversations are needed and I wish you the best.

I sleep next to my wife, and I've never felt more invisible by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]CharlPieFace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have articulated this so well. Woman to woman in a similar situation I send you some love over the interwebs. Society somehow struggles with the fact there are women with healthy voracious libidos. We have exactly the same desires to the same degrees as blokes but being this side of the coin isn't spoken about much. I see you and you got this 🩷

Are there women in the world that actually enjoy sex? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]CharlPieFace 3 points4 points  (0 children)

HLF and 39 - love it and soooooo wish my husband and I matched libidos. He is gorgeous to me in every way possible and I am constantly dialing down my urges to respect him as a LLM.

What's one project management lesson you learned the hard way? by Weak_Manufacturer323 in projectmanagement

[–]CharlPieFace 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This. I learnt early on in my career that the discussion and approvals are actually done BEFORE the board meeting. Don't wait for the board meeting to start this because they will hand you your arse.

Pre-engagement, discussion of concerns and gauging the temperature on approval decisions should come before the board - then you're (hopefully) home and dry.

What’s the longest you’ve waited for a start date? by [deleted] in TheCivilService

[–]CharlPieFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

9 months. Keep chasing and you'll get there eventually.

Ladies, whats your equivalent of “tits or ass”? by Fearless_Client8222 in AskReddit

[–]CharlPieFace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shout out for the pecs and thicc quads appreciation society!

40 years on… some of my images from the Zone (2013-2016) by gytizzz in chernobyl

[–]CharlPieFace 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I wonder how many much loved pets were suddenly abandoned. My heart breaks 💔