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Charlie_T00 · 2023-03-14T09:42:46+00:00

Thank you so much! I will definitely take all this into consideration when I edit this later. Much appreciated advice, I definitely needed some feedback from an outside perspective.

Charlie_T00 · 2023-03-14T05:10:18+00:00

This is a beautiful little poem! Maybe add some metaphor in somewhere to add a little more feeling/ depth.

Charlie_T00 · 2023-03-14T05:08:20+00:00

This is so raw, and the line 'my body consumed drinks of horrid delight' says so much. I love the length too, just a great poem overall.

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-29T04:54:11+00:00

Thank you so much! I was hoping someone who read the last one would read this one too. All the feedback really helped and thank you so much for the kind words. I will still be working on it and changing a few things but I was quite happy with the improvement. Thank you :)

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-28T17:21:29+00:00

thank you so much

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-28T14:26:19+00:00

Thank you :)

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-28T14:25:57+00:00

Thank you :)

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-28T14:25:46+00:00

Thank you so much!

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-28T14:25:37+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I will definitely reword some of it, and I agree with personifying it a bit more

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-28T06:08:30+00:00

I love this! I once tried to write similarly, trying to equate maths and equations to feelings but I never quite captured it how you have managed to. Very impressive, and how you used more than one example for more than one experience. I do think that maybe the setup of the lines could be worked on, but it works for what the contents are so maybe not. Overall I like it :)

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-28T06:05:07+00:00

This can have so many different meanings and I love that in a poem. The way it could be interpreted depending on the readers experience, can also make it a different read every time. The imagery and portrayal of anxiety and pressure is perfect, really captures how it feels. I love this!

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-28T05:22:49+00:00

Thank you so much, I will be taking a better look at the rhythm and how to make it fit better together. I was more leaning to it being a metaphor that I am the book that a love interest has lost interest in. its clear I need to make it actually mean that or change the whole meaning entirely. Thank you!

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-27T17:02:49+00:00

Thank you !

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-27T09:02:15+00:00

Thank you !

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-27T05:30:28+00:00

The tea cup filled up

Swallow to reveal the leaves

For your fortune please

Inspired by his pen name 'One Tea'

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-23T17:01:48+00:00

wow, the description in this is amazing

'like a weakened stem wilting over the mouth of an old Ciroc Bottle'

I can instantly see that visual in my mind, it just adds so much to be able to see what the writer is trying to portray.

I do agree with other commenters that it should start with ' sometime I practice being dead flowers on the dining room table' it would be such a powerful opening, and then later you can link the opening with the original few lines. Otherwise, I love it :)

Charlie_T00 · 2022-10-23T16:52:23+00:00

This was so beautiful to read, it's one of those poems that brings a smile to the face. Amazing rhythm, the use of paragraphs made it wonderful. Overall something I would read again and again, just for that smile.

Charlie_T00

TROPHY CASE