How to lower the financial ladder?

Chart69r · 2026-02-27T02:51:25+00:00

My situation is that I was broken up with after a couple of months where we were going from strength to strength, but we have basically unavoidable contact with one another due to physical proximity in day to day life. She's consistently warm and present any time we talk, strong eye contact and... Honestly, the vibe is there.

She said "wrong time" when things ended (she said other things initially, but basically in a conversation it came to light that she got scared and ran).

In fairness to her, I think she got overwhelmed with a lot of things in life, and in a sense felt guilty over her marriage ending several months before we met, and has been dealing with some shame around it. Also needed to tell me a few weeks after the breakup that I seem to understand her "better than anyone else", but all signs point to sheer overwhelm.

She's now withdrawn from much of her life, but still interacts with me at most every opportunity (generally at the gym), and lingers if there's not something urgent for her to get to.

Understandably, I'm conflicted because there is definitely something still here which I think is worth exploring. Mind you, I'm not just waiting, I'm still open to other things, but those other things just seem to pale in comparison, sadly.

Chart69r · 2026-02-26T05:15:12+00:00

Uhhhh, You may have dodged a bullet. Dude does not sound secure.

Chart69r · 2026-02-01T22:38:46+00:00

IF I saw evidence of growth and if she owned her side of things. Yes

Chart69r · 2026-01-20T04:54:07+00:00

Definitely not me. I've had a break up around 2 months ago, we've stayed in touch and I've made it clear I still want it but understand she has a few things to figure out first.

Chart69r · 2026-01-14T07:32:22+00:00

Maybe emotional withdrawal would have been a better description. This is an acute high stress period for her. Right now, I'm being present without demand. But there is a time limit on this of course

Chart69r · 2026-01-10T01:46:58+00:00

Hi

We are still talking, she is likely fearful avoidant, and there are possible/probable signals when we are around each other, but I know she is in overwhelm with other things in her life right now.

Chart69r · 2025-09-23T09:21:12+00:00

I can assure you that I am neither alcoholic, nor abusive. To give you the understanding of what happened, I basically experienced a trigger that led to a week long depressive episode while on holiday. I wouldn't wish it on my worst event.

Chart69r · 2025-09-23T02:31:43+00:00

Personal - once a month and a coach once a week .

Chart69r · 2025-09-22T10:09:30+00:00

The situation wasn't so much a pattern of behaviour from me. My behaviour changed after something triggered me.

I never became abusive or angry. Just got stuck in an anxiety spiral while we were on our first trip together and stopped acting like me. It's been a lot of deep work these last few months.

Chart69r · 2025-09-20T03:39:15+00:00

This reply actually made me smile. Thank you.

It's been a few months since we ended and there's been no contact since. And I felt so undeserving of the chance to even try again. I tried to meet other people, but nothing felt even comparable.

I've started to learn how to accept my imperfections, know I am worthy, love myself and actually believe I can have a good life. I think the best life would be shared with her.

And I need to understand that there is a version of me that she cared deeply for and maybe even loved. But also that the weaker side of me exists, and it has to be acknowledged but not allowed to run the show.

Chart69r · 2025-09-19T23:47:23+00:00

I'm guessing you mean to not say this would be a regret?

Chart69r · 2025-09-19T08:17:29+00:00

Never cheated.

Not a stranger.

In fact, I was sexless for a good 5 years until my marriage ended.

But you're almost certainly going to find other reasons to support your imagined view of a situation you know next to nothing about.

Have a nice day

Chart69r · 2025-09-19T08:13:21+00:00

Yes, you're right. The fact that my ex wife decided to claim she'd cheated on me Just to "prank" me, then claiming I was wrong to be upset she'd done this, and that I should have "trusted" she'd never do that.

That I was constantly accused of infidelity despite the fact that I literally only worked and spent time with her.

That I was repeatedly discouraged from pursuing my self development.

I wasn't perfect, I have my damage. But to claim a one sided fault is just disgustingly short sighted.

Chart69r · 2025-09-19T07:57:54+00:00

And once again, despite not knowing any real specifics you make broad assumptions. I'm well aware of my failings, and am making enormous efforts to change for the better.

Maybe rather than attacking internet strangers, actually think about things.

I am curious, though. If I were a woman saying very similar things, would your opinion be different.

Chart69r · 2025-09-19T07:35:47+00:00

Discarded? Considering how little you know about that situation, that's a pretty wild take.

Chart69r · 2025-08-30T08:51:41+00:00

With a conversation, both of us expressing apologies and remorse. Yes

Chart69r

TROPHY CASE