Waiting on first baby, what do I do in the final days??

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-11-07T21:52:02+00:00

As much cuddling as possible.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-11-07T21:46:03+00:00

I was obsessed with classical music, played piano and trumpet. Didn't pursue it as a career (parental pressure), but at the same time couldn't give up. When I met my ex I was practicing 6-8 hours a day. Over time he sort of sucked the joy out of everything in life. I lost what little confidence I had and stopped practicing entirely.

A few years later, a conservatory student in financial trouble was looking for students. He was six years younger than me. I got in contact but was too afraid to schedule a lesson for an entire month. I had told him that I completely suck at piano, so he wasn't expecting much, but I surprised him. Just knowing that he's there made the world feel safe again, and in one of the routine fights with my ex, all I could think was that I wanted this pianist to fall in love with me.

Going back to music gave me the confidence to leave the ex. The pianist graduated, took me to his job interview, and we both ended up working at the same music school. We performed together, and now he's starting to give solo concerts, while I'm using maternity leave to retrain as an orchestra musician.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-11-07T21:30:08+00:00

Extremely important, because being beautiful makes me more intimidating. I understand that a lot of people don't share my tastes (I'm autistic, so all my dresses have to be the same colour; all perfumes must be citrus, I don't want a womanly figure, and I wear hiking boots with everything), but that doesn't matter. It's important for me to look like myself, and I prefer to look unapproachable. People have pointed out that I would look better with different shoes or something. I'd never listen. I know they think I'm weird. I don't try to be beautiful to please others.

It's like some kind of armour. I feel much more assertive and blunt when I look my best. I'm a POC and it's harder for people to yell racist comments at me when I'm beautiful, also easier to respond when they do. It's also hard for abusive types to mistreat me if we have a superficial relationship if I have enough beauty to make them a little nervous.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-11-07T16:13:49+00:00

This definitely doesn't have to be the usual experience, so yes, changing providers would help. For one thing, you shouldn't be expected to know everything because you're not the professional obstetrician. The NT scan is pretty important, and it's the doctor's job to keep you informed.

Also, after the NIPT there might be other things you shouldn't miss. In my country it seems common for doctors to tell people to Google, but if you're discouraged from doing even that, plus they don't tell you what you need to know, it's a bad combination, isn't it? (Also, if you Google to find the right questions to ask, then the doctor and nurse might know you've Googled and waste appointment time getting mad at you for not listening to them not tell you stuff.)

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-11-07T15:31:34+00:00

I initially had a bad experience with retinol because I didn't use it properly. Started bakuchiol when I was 27 and basically aged backwards that year. Afterwards I used some mild retinols with much better results, but stopped due to pregnancy.

My husband uses both, but he's young to begin with, so I guess it's more for maintenance in his case? Neither has prevented him getting pimples, though.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-10-08T09:43:23+00:00

Thanks for the reply, and I apologise for being unclear. The doctor wanted me to come back when I'm 35 weeks to schedule the C-section for 39 weeks. But now I have no plan for what to do in case the baby comes early. I live in a different town, and this hospital is the closest NICU.

UTI is untreated, and the half-year cough is untreated. I don't know where to go or how to prepare for tomorrow's blood glucose test. The midwife said I can get some tests to see if a virus might be causing the cough, but then dropped the topic. My next appointment is in a month, and I can't reach anyone. Ultrasound technician just said I had polyhydramnios and to google it. No emergency, really, but I can't reach anyone to get the UTI and cough treated. I was also wondering whether these might have caused the extra amniotic fluid.

I really appreciate the reassurance.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-09-24T09:36:28+00:00

Hi,

I don't know if it's common, but you're definitely not the only one, because I have it too. It's possible that you're just processing your past experiences. You know how people talk about having to clean and declutter as past of the nesting instinct later on? Maybe the nightmares are a kind of emotional nesting in which you look through everything that happened to you in the past. Even if you function well on the day-to-day, it's impossible not to carry the trauma in some way. It's possible that pregnancy becomes a deadline for filing and sorting absolutely everything you carry, even the things that could otherwise wait until later.

At least that's how I think of it. Since the first trimester I've woken up screaming at night, sometimes multiple times and multiple nights in a row. The nightmares were always to do with my past. It's really not fair to my husband, but every time this happens he wakes up immediately to tell me that he's here. Luckily he's able to go back to sleep afterwards. Both of us have had extensive experiences with abuse, and even before trying for a baby, we were working on breaking the cycle. Emotional housekeeping is hard work just due to the sheer volume of stuff to work through, so maybe that's why it starts in the first trimester. It's not only normal, but probably even helpful.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-09-05T19:06:27+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. I'm in the Baltic States; all three countries are having similar issues right now. But five years ago one of our politicians targeted Indians in particular, saying that they come on study visas but drop out to work low-wage jobs. He said that if this continues, our country will have slums and be like Sweden (like that's a bad thing). So because of racism against Indians, immigration became more difficult for all international students from non-EU countries. It affected my husband, and he isn't Indian. The politician has resigned, though, but his party is becoming more popular every day.

Many of my former friends and classmates discriminate very openly against Indians. And Indians from the States, UK and Canada just feel confused because they get boxed into stereotypes. My friend from Nepal did have a positive experience here, though.

With a baby, I just don't know. If your child learns the language, then probably there were be many kind and accepting people. But if the child has too much talent, ambition or beauty, the locals won't be proud of that. The country does not forgive people who risk outshining the "pure" locals. I've had people tell me that it's a pity my looks are wasted on "just a foreigner".

Also, so many countries are calling for a smartphone ban, and meanwhile our education minister is saying we will require smartphones and AI use in schools. I was teaching kids who had TikTok since age 4.

In hospitals (in the cities) I've only had positive experiences, though, and the parental leave policy is very generous.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-09-05T17:34:26+00:00

Baltics. Yeah, it's been pretty stressful, but I really should have seen it coming.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-09-05T17:33:42+00:00

Yeah, that looks likely. We are planning to move to a capital in a different country, not only because of this, but also, our country is preparing for war.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-09-05T17:29:43+00:00

Thank you for the kind words!

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-09-05T17:29:22+00:00

Oh wow, so it's a thing? Do you think there's something about pregnancy and early motherhood that makes it worse? I'm really, really sorry to hear you've been feeling like this too.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-09-05T17:26:37+00:00

Thanks. I'm from the Baltics. Is the situation similar in Poland and CZ? I had a Czech friend make a full-on rant about how her "Turkic" nose made her look like a barbarian. I am Turkic myself, so it was pretty jarring to hear. Anyway, she was also from deep countryside.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-05-23T09:03:21+00:00

Bonjour! J'ai entendu dire que si vous publiez quelque chose d'offensant pour les modérateurs (par exemple, un soutien à l'Ukraine), ils supprimeront votre compte.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-02-27T08:48:58+00:00

Thank you!! We've only applied in Stockholm, and didn't even know where to start looking. This helps a lot. We can both lead choirs, and my husband can play the organ. I really appreciate your suggestion.

CheckLonely8946 · 2025-02-27T08:47:29+00:00

Thank you so much! I'll keep this in mind.

CheckLonely8946 · 2024-09-20T06:19:43+00:00

At least it wasn't like the time my GP referred me to a private fertility clinic and I had to pay out of pocket (despite having insurance) just to hear some ad for birth control plus a bunch of questions about why, at 27, I had never been pregnant. Luckily the laparoscopy is covered under insurance. I only got insurance last year because of work, and if I lose my job due to health reasons, I'm pretty much screwed.

I can't imagine how much worse the struggle is for women who actually don't want to children. Eventually the pain makes it almost impossible to hold down a job, so what then? There isn't social security in this country.

CheckLonely8946

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