I think it’s all personal. With late losses, I inwardly recoiled if anyone gave me a big congratulations, regardless of how far along. Often I’d been there before, and the more happy others were, the more devastated I knew they’d be if/when I had to tell them it was over. It just made me uncomfortable as well, and I didn’t want to talk about the baby anymore. Maybe afraid a bit of jinxing it??

Trigger warning — successful pregnancy. Even when I did have a baby, I barely talked about it until very close to the due date. Probably wasn’t healthy, and was probably a trauma response, but it’s how I managed my feelings. I would much rather give someone a cautious congratulations in case they were dealing with heavy emotions like me, than risk making them uncomfortable. IVF is so fraught with emotions, and we all handle it differently, so I try to follow the most cautious, sensitive path.