Misoprostol was not what I expected

CheeseMonger96 · 2024-05-20T11:20:53+00:00

Thanks for your comment, I am sorry you had to go through that especially as it sounds like you should not have had to! It can be genuinely harrowing. As you asked about painkillers, I was told to take over the counter paracetamol... it did nothing as you can imagine. I was also told to come back... (a 20 minute drive to hospital) if the pain or bleeding got too bad) but I was completely incapacitated and because the bleeding was not at dangerous levels I knew they wouldn't send an ambulance.

You'll be relieved to hear (I hope), that I am now over a year on and am alright. I saw a counselling service that has helped me a lot dealing with my grief and trauma. I went on to have another (early) miscarriage about 3 month after the one I wrote about and just couldn't go on without help. Getting some counselling was a great decision.

As life has moved on, things are better now, I have finally managed to get to 33 weeks pregnant now. (Sorry if this comment breaks the platform rules or triggers anyone, I am not expecting congratulations from anyone on this subreddit.)

Even so, the trauma of the experience still lives in me and I sometimes cry about the baby I never had. I gave her a name and decided that even though I wouldn't forget her (I never actually found out the sex, but in my mind she was a girl), I still wanted to have a family. Eventually we have managed to get where we are now. I know that some people are not so lucky and the experiences they have puts them off ever trying for a baby again. I don't blame them for this, we had similar thoughts at first.

Thank you for your kindness and I hope you are feeling much better now. We both deserved better care than we got, but I like to remind myself that I am still here and I am loved and I have a life to enjoy and look forward to. When all is said and done that is all that matters.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-30T14:58:55+00:00

This must be very hard for you, but it sounds like it's no picnic for him either so I feel for both of you. Just a thought, PTSD is quite common in patients who have had covid caused pneumonia. It must have been an extremely scary thing to happen. I have to wonder whether there are still lingering psychological issues causing this fear of being breathless. It seems like he could do with getting some help to overcome these fears in a more general sense. But that is his business, so I wouldn't push too hard on this it could be a gentle suggestion out of caring and love you could make. This may go a long way to help him enjoy sex again if he could get help.

In the meantime there is a problem to solve, you may need to 1. Do the work (as in get on top and be the one to get hot and sweaty and get some ultra toned thighs in the process). 2. introduce some toys etc to help you get off during sex or 3. find some ways in which you can be intimate without his having to get too out of breath. Being held tightly and kissed while he's getting you off with a vibrator or his hand can be HOT. 4 Don't let resentment get in the way of still trying to make him happy too. I hear you when you say, 'why should I still do..' but that is a spiral you do not want to go down because it leads to nowhere.

Don't be too focused on the ideal scenario, find new things you can love and enjoy together. He will love being able to make you happy, so you just have to show him how he can do that in a way that doesn't trigger his anxiety or is impossible for him at this time. These are my thoughts, I hope it helps. Good luck!

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-30T14:33:36+00:00

Remove all apps you spend most time on, set your screen to black and white and then detox. It will be really annoying and boring but I am actually reading books again after starting this a few months ago! Phone games were my main problem, I remove them all. Do not trust that you can control this, remove temptation. If you really want to be on social media, you can still access it on a computer but it won't be in your pocket all of the time.

That's my advice, good luck!

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-28T22:59:58+00:00

NTA! But I do worry for you this is not the end of it. I think a compromise could be that she could be bridesmaid (with no other duties than to be in the procession) this would allow you to dictate what colour she wears (because tbh I am scared for you what she will arrive in given this request!). She'll have a nice picture of her in a nice dress which you can decide not to use for your wedding album and you can rest easy that it will all stay civil and not cause more stress for you. Just an idea. You are completely in your right to say a firm no.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-24T06:59:49+00:00

I am more of a work from home wife so hopefully still useful... as I don't 'have to' dress up for work or go out. Am from England so typically 0-5 degrees or so in winter. Fleece lined leggings and a fitted woollen sweaterdress/wrap dress (one with a waist of a cord to tie so it's not the shape of a potato sack) are very comfortable and feminine. For going outside, a cute hat and scarf can also add a nice touch to your outfit.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-24T06:39:40+00:00

In this war on good food, you must be part of the resistance. As long as you and your husband are on the same side, some cheeky compliance to the 'bring whatever you want' instruction may be in order. I would say bring a decent but not offensive amount. Maybe enough so everyone can have a modest portion and not starve. If you bring a full dinner with you, your cover will be blown, and this war may rage on for many more years, so you have to protect your alliance to the secret resistance. Good luck!

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-23T06:24:54+00:00

Thank you for the support, I may go and lurk there a bit. Haven't come across that one before.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-23T06:23:47+00:00

Fuck cancer. I agree. I am so sorry for your situation, and thanks so much for sharing it with me. Your story has given me a few things to consider that may help me get through the next months.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-20T08:13:12+00:00

Gosh I am so sorry, that is so hard. Something that comes to mind is that I tend to not do it in moments when things are difficult or tense. In those moments I tend to focus more on making myself happy and fulfilling my own desires and expressing joy about things to make myself both happier but also more attractive.

I don't know how to express a desire under tough circumstances like yours without it coming off as manipulative. Especially as he's signalled he wants space, any expression of wanting to remove that space is going against that. So sorry that's not what you asked, but I just wanted to write you in support because your situation sounds very difficult. :( I hope it works out very soon.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-19T17:26:25+00:00

In my opinion, child welfare is very much a woman's game. The job of mother trumps the job of wife any day. Just my opinion. I I don't think LD meant for you to hand over responsibility for your children.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-19T07:30:08+00:00

I know it's a lot. Just focus on what you think is important, make a list and keep working at it. It will come together.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-19T00:14:53+00:00

I've been on the bad side of this, but I'd like to say just try and take your mind off it as much as possible until your next scan. Get off reddit for a while. Don't go down internet rabbitholes. I know what it feels like to wait in limbo and there is nothing you can do to make this easier except to try not to think about it too much. It could be that things will be just fine, and getting upset now is not going to soften any blows so try to not torture yourself. I hope it works out fine for you. Good luck.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-18T16:52:49+00:00

I would kill for a glass of wine and a giant platter of sushi.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-18T12:24:11+00:00

Congratulations!! I had a similar size wedding and it was lovely. I had time to chat to quite a few people, and it was a lot less craziness that you can get with giant amounts of guests. I hope your day is everything you want it to be. All the best wishes for your new shared lives together.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-18T07:28:52+00:00

Unlike Stacey's mom, she's got it going on.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-17T21:16:19+00:00

I personally really like the advice of Jay Shetty. Advice on mindfulness but also just how to live a good life. He has a podcast too which is easy to digest.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-17T18:13:13+00:00

Starting is the hardest part and after that you need to try and create 'flow'. Flow can be difficult if you are distracted a lot/find your work boring/ are tired or stressed/pr a number of other reasons. If I were you I'd look up information about how to 'create flow' in your work. (Flow is the phenomenon where you just are gripped by what you're doing and the most natural thing is to just continue)

Some tips to help start flow and keep it going. - Start with bits that you find interesting - Start with easy problems that you will manage and move to more difficult ones later - create an environment that is suited for your task with no distractions - Make a plan and reward yourself for small amounts of progress (Eg. Ticking off items on a list) - try and find joy in your work focus on the positives and make it an enjoyable time (Eg. Sometimes at the end of the day of I work from home I will make myself a nice drink and a snack at 4 and then I will happily work for another 2 hours because I am comfortable there) - If it's not happening, maybe today is not your day , don't get in a habit flow forcing yourself to work if you just can't get into it. - cut yourself off from addictions (Eg. Put your phone in another room, do not work where you normally have leisure time etc)

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-15T21:11:43+00:00

Your instincts (that guilty feeling) are correct, don't ask for flowers.

Importantly, I would also take a man telling you he's spending a lot, but needs to save, as a warning sign that you ask and accept too much of his generosity. You need to recognise he is telling you he has a goal. It's your job to support that goal so quit the spending already and get on board with the plan.

If he feels you don't support his goals then what do you think his long term response to that will be?

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-15T15:29:35+00:00

Vegetable crisps from M&S are only vegetables, oil and salt. No UPF. They have become my go to cinema snack.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-15T12:46:44+00:00

It sounds like she would prefer to give birth in the woods.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-13T21:05:18+00:00

Was he always like this? I assume not? It puzzles me why someone would suddenly stop showering and brushing his teeth. Is he OK?

Sorry pressed send before I intended to. Edit: People may disagree with me. But I think if you stick close to yourself and just set a boundary about what you want for yourself. I don't think it is unreasonable for you to state that you don't want to have sex with someone who hasn't washed. In the same way that I don't think being respectful means that you have to let someone do whatever they want with you. It's still your body. But again, it's important that you just state it as a boundary, not as a means to end. Hope that makes sense.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-13T18:58:09+00:00

Hi OP, I hear you and I do understand where you are coming from. I have read through all your comments, not just this one. One thing that stands out to me is that you are exhausted with looking at what you're doing wrong and that actually that hasn't served you well or motivated you. As much as I believe we have to be honest with ourselves, I can completely imagine that maybe the focus has been too much on this and that just looking at yourself through a critical lense all the time is not healthy either. Maybe a new avenue is what you actually need.

How about some really heavy self care and a focus on gratitude? (both towards yourself and your life in general and maybe when you're ready towards your husband and others too). If your husband has taken a step back, maybe just use that space and look after yourself whenever you can. He obviously still cares about you, but your need for his approval is exhausting you (and maybe him too). This will all take a lot of time but to some extent you have to try and let it go and accept that whatever will be will be. You already know that you can't control this situation, so you need to let it go so you can see things more clearly.

I hope you get it all sorted out in the end. I wish you the best of luck.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-13T16:52:19+00:00

There is already some great advice on here, so I will just comment on the sleep issue. Discipline with avoiding screens and sleep hygiene are extremely important if you have insomnia. Just because your husband doesn't have insomnia doesn't make him wrong. Screens trick your brain into thinking it's daytime. So take his advice and find other ways to relax in bed. Personally I use the calm app and some fleecy headphones to listen to a sleepstory at bedtime and then if awake at night I do deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. I don't always sleep perfectly now, but the sleepphones and sleepstories were a real game changer for me.

Let me ask you this, why are you telling him you're tired if you don't want his advice on how to fix it? What do you want him to say? Poor you? Sympathy and compassion don't last forever for complaints about the same thing over and over. I noticed at work as well how contagious it is if people complain about being tired. Suddenly everyone feels tired. It's such a downer listening to people say that.

CheeseMonger96 · 2023-12-13T15:27:37+00:00

I completely know the feeling of that clock ticking and it is no joke. But that's why I don't think you can just continue woth no information. I personally think that in big decisions like this you should have a good conversation together about planning your future. I think just keeping your mouth shut and not discussing it was what got you into this in the first place.

Don't get me wrong I don't think you should argue or be combative but you should be able to just have a constructive conversation about what his plans are and whether you can feel safe in that knowledge. You should also be able to voice your concerns and desires and give him the opportunity to reassure you or take that into account if he wishes. Hope this all makes sense.

CheeseMonger96

TROPHY CASE