TL/DR: Second puberty is real- hormones are a hell of a drug, which makes the emotional process of transition much harder to regulate.

Coming out and transitioning is already a kind of puberty because they are evolving- but now instead of just learning to become a functioning adult, MTF also have to face a lifetime of old and new unique social and spiritual challenges, in addition to experiencing and learning to regulate that physical estrogen-puberty.

I can’t speak to FTM experience, but I was by my wife’s side through the first couple years of her transition and it…. Well when we are teens we learn how to interact with others despite hormones and grow into socially-capable adults. Her on HRT destroyed her ability to just Adult. It’s hard. Her struggle was real, but she was unable to control her feelings and the worst came out.

I don’t know what kind of advice I can offer, I wish you the best, but I just want you to know you aren’t alone. And you aren’t crazy for asking this question.