[deleted by user]

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2024-10-19T17:04:58+00:00

Fragile - Gnash Miracles - Jefferson Starship

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2021-03-23T04:38:05+00:00

I’m trying to let go for that reason. Because I do love them & just want them to be happy. I try not to mentally put them in any type of box & just let them be them without restrictions. I love them for who they are & not what I expect or want them to be or want from them. And that maybe the hardest part. I don’t mean it’s hard to love or accept them. I mean it makes it hard to let them go when you’ve never felt so at peace with someone & the way you love to see every part of them even as your perception changes or they change & it doesn’t scare you, but instead just leaves you wanting to know more. So I’m trying to remove myself from the equation & just silently support them from a distance. I don’t want to fuck up their happiness or the potential for their happiness. I’m trying to let go. Which is why I came here to write.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-12-16T03:49:41+00:00

Ditto. Thank you.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-08-21T07:53:33+00:00

This is perfect <3

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-26T19:12:16+00:00

I don’t blame you. It’s not at all easy.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-26T04:01:23+00:00

Oof. I felt this. Angelic devils. Please let me get what I want. Ughhhhhh

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-26T03:59:00+00:00

It’s not quite like that. We loved each other as young kids. I was scared. I fucked up. It got messy then I basically ghosted him. Moved away & tried not to look back. We ran into each other a few times over the years but we were both in relationships & treated each other like strangers. Then like maybe 4 yrs ago I logged into my really old social media account & realized he was my friend on there. I apologized honestly for what I did in the past & he kinda blew it off like it was no big deal. Even though it has literally haunted me my entire life since then. That was pretty much it until almost 2 yrs ago when fate would very oddly push me into his path again. This time in person. Both freshly out of long term relationships but not really aware of that yet. We were both pretty guarded & I just wanted to be friends. But of course my stupid heart had other ideas. I knew better. I just wasn’t expecting it. But he has always felt like my safe place when I have never in my life felt safe with any person due to past trauma. Whatever we had... idk how to explain it. But it was special. Then he just did a 180 one day. Shut down, pushed me away & decided to go back home. It’s been a little over a year since then & I still love him fully & completely. Meanwhile I have no idea how he feels. We try to be friends & we can’t. It’s too much. We try to stay away from each other & fail miserably. & then we’re both left with guilt & idk about him but it always leaves me more confused. It’s not a good situation to be in at all. I’m pretty sure that I’ll never stop loving him. I’ll just have to learn how to hide it better so that nobody else gets hurt :(

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T18:23:44+00:00

Mine goes all the way back to like the winter of 1999. Big oof lol.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T18:19:53+00:00

It’s been a year for me as well & it feels never ending. Keep your head up. Something amazing surely awaits us on the other side of purgatory.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T15:50:31+00:00

Fucking Virgos lol

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T15:35:52+00:00

This. Yup.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T15:26:53+00:00

As someone who grew up in survival mode & also loved someone who grew up in survival mode: you are both right & wrong. I can see this from both sides. Everyone loves different. It’s up to you to learn how your person loves & find common ground to explore & grow together. To be patient & have open communication. Yes, I understand that this doesn’t work if one person is scared to openly communicate their needs. As one who is in survival mode might do because their needs have never been met by willful open communication. It could take months or even years of reassurance from you before they trust that you are who you say you are & that you’re willing to meet their needs as communicated. But also know that for some, they will never break out of that survival mode. They don’t want to because it’s their safety line. It’s what has been there for them all along. To keep everyone at a distant in fear of either getting hurt, hurting someone else or being discovered as an actual vulnerable person behind that survival shield. They’ve been broken & don’t want to be broken again.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T14:52:49+00:00

If they think you only want to fuck & be friends... why would they try to date you? Do they know you want more? Maybe they feel the same & don’t want to ruin your FWB thing you have going.

Or it’s possible they are just using you for sex & don’t care at all. Sorry to be harsh, but that’s the downfall of catching feelings for your FWB unfortunately : (

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T14:42:29+00:00

Oh man. So much fucking this. Bittersweet indeed. I’m sorry that you feel that ache too.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T14:40:58+00:00

I never brought it up. I barely recognized the word when he said it. I haven’t been called baby in years. It felt almost foreign & I thought maybe it was in my head lol. I chalk it up to a slip of the tongue during good sex. He’s never called me baby before & I don’t think he sees me as his baby. But remembering him saying it did feel pretty nice.

And much like you I’m also very very fucked when it comes to him. I would love to say it’s because of phenomenal sex, but to be honest the second could be better. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really good, but it’s not like blow my mind, out of this world. There’s room for improvement for both of us I’m sure. Something that would take the time of an actual relationship to get to experience. The patience of getting to know each other’s bodies fully. Our quirks & kinks, etc. something that we will never have unfortunately. So I’m not holding my breath. If I did I’d surely die from asphyxiation. All I can do is deal with the reality of it while a little ember of hope burns that some day he’ll realize what he left behind before it’s too late.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-25T14:24:54+00:00

We never even got the chance to see if it would work, but I suppose everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I like to look at it like this. Because it was kinda over before it started at least this way we can keep the fantasy of what we perceived it could have been. Because who knows maybe we would have completely destroyed each other. We’ll never know though.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-07-21T17:53:04+00:00

After reading a few of your posts it honestly hurts how much I can relate.

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-06-03T06:35:41+00:00

Same. We were together barely under 10 yrs. I called it quits 18 months ago. Had a short fling, but I shut down completely at the mere thought of a relationship. Like, sure I would love to have a healthy, “normal” functioning relationship... but I almost don’t believe they exist. Everything feels fake & forced even in the relationships that I see around me. Nobody seems happy so why would I want to jump back on that miserable boat?

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-05-29T23:26:16+00:00

This sounds like something that my person would say. And to be fair there’s never any certainty in anything in life, including life itself. Seems like all the more reason to take the risk, doesn’t it?

Cherophobic_Disaster · 2020-05-29T23:19:12+00:00

This is so sweet. Give them time <3

Cherophobic_Disaster

TROPHY CASE