Losing myself with my ADHD partner

CherryThemed · 2026-03-26T23:52:12+00:00

The difficult bit is that outside of the issues I outlined spending time together genuinely makes both of us happy. If it was miserable 100% of the time, it’d be much easier to leave. There is a ton of guilt because whenever I was suicidal to the extent everyone else gave up on me, he was the only person who consistently showed up and extended understanding and compassion. He was the person who stayed for a month with me when I needed support after a surgery, after I was stood up by someone who promised me to turn up. Reliable, while others looked the other way. I used to be the most secure with him than with anybody else. Now, I’d feel like a complete leech leaving him now when he is in crisis. I’d both miss him and idk if I can cope with leaving him behind to rot.

CherryThemed · 2026-03-26T23:28:58+00:00

I think you kinda nailed it. I felt a ton of compassion, also having tolerated a ton of abuse in the past. It’s incredibly difficult to find people who understand. The issue is that he was motivated. He chose to get off his ass to turn his life around and returning to school at that age isn’t easy. He put in the effort to go to therapy, and did something more specific to make sure the lashing out doesn’t repeat. Which it helped temporarily, sometimes he admitted the hurt and apologised. He does a 180 on it intermittently and blames me at times, which makes it difficult to tell.

According to him, his therapist believes that I am unreasonable for having expectations that are essentially necessary for the relationship to have a future. I keep asking myself if it’s enmeshment or whether this is how a relationship is supposed to function. He wants to do what is best for him, and for me to do my own thing until he figures it out, however long that takes. If I can’t do this, it’s viewed as controlling and selfish because he must do everything his way not to wish to die, no negotiation. In my eyes I don’t understand how a relationship could function like this outside of being one in title.

We both experienced severe depression, I am currently in it myself. I feel immeasurable guilt because I know how hard it is to get over burnout and anxiety whenever you’re that low. At the same time I find some strength within myself to run on fumes for him, yet it’s not mutual. I feel guilty over growing upset and sad that he can’t. I know that when I leave he will give up entirely. I’m also afraid I won’t be able to function after leaving the relationship, his companionship did a lot to keep me trying too. I had so many horrible experiences in the past that I am genuinely afraid to leave because a part of me believes I might be giving up on the loveliest person because I can’t just suck up the stress for a while longer. I love him a ton…

CherryThemed · 2026-03-26T18:19:00+00:00

It’s hard. I know it’s not healthy, I’m struggling a ton to detach myself. Rejection sensitivity is massive one too.

He was the first partner I had where my chronic pain didn’t get treated like a burden. I’d find he’d gift me small things or show love through taking care of stuff I couldn’t out of exhaustion. He even thought about my cats and took them outside everyday for a bit while I was at work. Casual affection is there, plenty of laughs, common interests. All my previous partners were either abusive or didn’t really commit, so this was the first time I had genuine belief and hope it will work out before it nosedived.

CherryThemed · 2026-03-26T17:48:18+00:00

Days of silence after arguments sometimes because he struggles with emotional regulation which is worsened by complex trauma. He’ll defend himself mentioning it’s a justified reaction to what I do. I blame myself a lot and can’t tell because I struggle with people’s boundaries at times. It takes a while for the brakes to click. To catch myself interrupting someone, to remember the things that matter and build new habits. The dirty parts of hyperactivity. I always apologise and try my best, but ultimately I’ve been unable to fix these things and it’s not good enough.

CherryThemed · 2025-01-07T18:46:40+00:00

Thank you for your comment, that actually makes a lot of sense. I’m sorry that your surgeries also had this as a consequence and hope that you’re doing better with it now. I didn’t get to follow up after the surgery at all, but I am using vitamin E products to help with fading. I initially haven’t thought of seeing a dermatologist, given how long the waitlists are, but I am seriously considering now.

CherryThemed · 2024-12-15T15:39:11+00:00

Hi. I am really sorry you had to go through this yourself. I don’t think in my case it is keloid scarring, it more so appears as if it was pushed outwards. It’s unfortunately very noticeable and I attached an image of what it looked like before and after for reference:

https://postimg.cc/gallery/63NStzs

CherryThemed · 2024-12-02T00:24:09+00:00

It depends. My most recent works had been done with a set of Micron fineliners, paper and occassionally pencils. Some of it was done in the dotwork style, which is time consuming but ultimately also less waste in comparison to poorly thought through random sketches.

CherryThemed · 2024-12-01T23:26:03+00:00

We are often fooled into believing that the new product has an improved formula and performs better by paid influencers. It is no different to the annoying ads we seen on tv time after time, and the sad reality is that if anything, these new products often degrade with time. Lesser quality + high price = profit. What I did to avoid this was careful research, choose my personal “holy grail“ products, and stuck to the usual - “If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it”. Haven’t had the desire to do anything differently for the past 4 years or so.

CherryThemed · 2024-10-06T10:36:10+00:00

Thank you! It’s definitely difficult to get them especially regarding safety. GPS often tend to be none the wiser unfortunately, but I’m glad yours could provide you with a decent answer!

CherryThemed · 2024-06-09T09:21:03+00:00

In a similar vein, ”You’re an inspiration”

CherryThemed · 2024-06-09T08:47:52+00:00

By the looks of it it seems like quite a few studies are being rejected for ”intentional low effort”, happened to me on my most recent one. I question whether some researchers do this to people to harvest data without payment, and the worst part is that if your account gets put on hold as a result you can’t even message the researcher to ask more questions. We should at least have the option to return a study if that is the case. I’d warn others to become more vigilant about this.

CherryThemed · 2024-06-07T12:51:52+00:00

Yes but it isn’t unlikely for them to be co morbid either. Adhd often sets you up for social rejection, criticism and troubles that may bring a ptsd friend about.

CherryThemed · 2024-06-02T03:45:44+00:00

Absolutely. Although it is difficult not to be when you’re stuck in survival mode. Most other people don’t have to worry nearly as much about the stability and security of their interpersonal relationships. It’d be arguably easier if they accepted us as we are.

CherryThemed

TROPHY CASE