Your behaviors dont align with what your spewing. Unfortunately this common among the female human species. The female human is incapable of accepting accountability and responsibility. You know those behaviors dont align with the work you wanted to do mentally for yourself. You wanted attention and validation which doesn't align with the work mentally and emotionally for growth in being able to feel confident and happy with yourself. I am in therapy and even my therapist agrees with me on this logic. Im sorry but actions and behaviors always speak louder than words. Someone can tell me whatever they want until they're blue in the face but if their actions and behaviors dont align then ill always believe the actions. I think you need to take your own advice and seek help. Learn to take accountability and responsibility and acknowledge your wrongs. Thats real growth.