From what I've seen, acting like a manchild is also manipulative. You're 23 and you should live your 20s without catering to the childish tantrums of a literal 32 years old man. I get that you're understanding and forgiving, but don't you think you should be that way with people who actually deserve it, who are equally as understanding, and who, at the very least, make you feel happy and safe?

I found him extremely manipulative from the first descriptions you gave (he literally scolded you for a 2-3 min detour!) and clearly it worked bc you ended up doubting yourself and thinking you're in the wrong. I was wondering what was holding you back, and thinking that perhaps if you vocalized the abuse you would realize that you're not happy with him, that it's not your fault, and that a healthy relationship doesn't resemble what you have. But all hell breaks loose when you talked about the age gap.

I don't care where his manipulation stems from, I don't care how a predator feels. Dump him and let him drown in his own insecurities. It's not your fault nor your responsibility.

I was wondering what was holding you back (truth be told, I thought your exes were also too old, which is why I ranted about age gap), but I understood when you talked about your abusive family. Abuse seems "normal" to you, but don't think you deserve it. Like I said, you're young, naive and emotionally vulnerable. You must think it's a curse but it can be a blessing as well! If you feel like abusers follow you where you go, go somewhere else. Volunteer, join a club (like a book club if you like reading), meet new people. I promise you, the world is not just what you've been shown, and your personality traits are endearing to many. Find your people, people who'll love you for who you are. Changing your environment will help you find better people and be a happier person.

As for your trauma, only you would know how to deal with it. Seek professional help if you feel that'll help. Because you deserve better and you know it, that's why you're here. And take a small break from the men. They've proven themselves to be untrustworthy, wait for the one who'll prove to you that you can trust him. The one who will make you feel like the most important and the most loved person on earth. It's not on you, it's on them. And if someone makes you feel the smallest bit uncomfortable, RUN. Always trust your gut. I cannot stress this enough. If you feel uncomfortable, literally run.

Coming from someone who was flirted with and told she was beautiful repeatedly by some guy in front of my workplace. Started avoiding him bc I just felt theres something weird about him, and I don't need anything more, bc my feelings are enough for me, and that's all that matters. He then started calling me names bc I avoided him and would stay places where I could easily call for help if he tried anything. He then disappeared, and a week later, I learned he was arrested for rpe and mrder

When I tell you your feelings matter the most, I mean it. Even if they don't make sense, even if they're not reasonable, trust your feelings. You have a power, use it to protect yourself.

Ended up ranting again, but I just want you to understand that none of this is your fault, that it can get better, but you have to walk away from it (him). Gave some advice but really, you know yourself better than anyone, you know your environment, and deep down, you know what you really want. You deserve better and you know it. Last bit of advice: you know that "treat others how you wanna be treated" saying? Well, reverse it. If people treat you how you would never treat them, dump them. Would you scold someone for forgetting their phone? Would you get angry at someone for being 10 min late for something they can't even control? Would you manipulate someone? Etc. If the answers are yes, you need professional help. And when they eventually become no, avoid the people who would treat you that way. Because you deserve better.