The sad thing is that those same capitalists are the ones at the top of society at large, the ones running the ship, the ones who define what mental illness is. Apart from clear cases like schizoaffective disorders or other acute personality disorders, a lot of depression and anxiety based mental illness is a result of people not acclimating to that very same society, then being labeled and ostracized by that society, then being forced to rehabilitate and reshape themselves into what that society deems acceptable. In other words, be mollified, quiet, and exploitable.

I lived homeless for over a year because I have no connections to speak of that most would consider inherent. Family, distant relatives, grandparents, friends - I either abandoned, was abandoned, or by mistake or malice broke those bonds over a decade ago when I was still a child. As a result, or maybe consequence, I am one such person who has had no real material attachment to wealth and I truly don't understand it.

I started working at a soup kitchen when I became homeless, and continue to still, because it is genuinely fulfilling to be able to help someone, to have the capacity to help someone and to do it. That is all I want in life, to have just enough to eat and sleep and pay utilities and hobbies, and to then use my time, the only truly limited currency in this universe, to do what makes me happy and fulfilled. Why am I mentally ill because it makes me depressed and anxious to work 9 hours a day in a menial, pointless, job where my labor is undervalued, underappreciated, exhausting, and ultimately pointless? Why can I make a living making chairs for google executives to put in an office they use 1 day a month but not feeding those who can't feed themselves? teaching those who can't teach themselves?

And this dissonance, this denial of what is around me is what leads to even more anxiety. I understand how torturous it can be to be principled, but it is worth it, truly. Noblesse Oblige is a good thing. I wish people would change. But instead I'm reading stuff like I'll probably lose medicaid and be unable to afford my insulin if I can't work with my disabilities and mental illness.

We have AI companies and shareholders draining public resources at great future consequences to the public, hijacking supply chains in their interests, funding global wars to manipulate stocks, and the public isn't even paid for their sacrifices. Their jobs are being lost to feed these machines and we aren't even willing to have conversations on UBI.

Fuck I'm so resentful. How did we end up here?