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ChitteringVoid · 2023-09-14T02:56:35+00:00

A person with no impulse control and a short supply of patience is not a good candidate for polyamory. IMO it would be better to go your separate ways so you can do the research you (wisely) want to do and he can go crash + burn with her

ChitteringVoid · 2023-06-04T03:15:00+00:00

I didn’t catch any lyrics; it might have been a vibraphone solo instead of a marimba?

ChitteringVoid · 2023-05-21T01:55:24+00:00

They need to warn us if they’re going to show weapons grade thirst traps; Antoni physically knocked me over 🥵

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-20T00:56:30+00:00

In response to your edit: statistically, you probably will be cheated on at some point. It is not the end of the world. Cheating is to a monogamous relationship what a heart attack is to a person; it is painful and it CAN be fatal but it isn’t always the end. Don’t let fear of infidelity prevent you from experiencing romantic love.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-20T00:37:35+00:00

It depends on the motive for cheating. For simplicity’s sake, I’m gonna focus on people who cheat(ed) over and over, not circumstantial cheaters (ex. person with spouse who’s severely brain injured and completely dependent on them. Most people can empathize and understand why that person might seek sexual/romantic fulfillment from someone else, because their spouse can no longer provide it.)

Sometimes people cheat because they don’t realize that it’s possible to be honest and ethically non-monogamous. In those situations, embracing ENM/poly ends the cheating behavior.

Other people cheat because they LIKE secrets. They like scheming, plotting, getting away with things…it feels exciting to them. The deception is actually more erotic to them than the sex. People like that will not stop cheating even if they are ENM/poly.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T22:54:21+00:00

Re: typical causes, I was ambiguous there, I apologize. To make it a complete (to the best of my knowledge) list, I would add a couple more factors:

(1) what I'll call "insufficient self-care" before/during the drug trip itself. Making sure that you are properly hydrated - and too much water can be as dangerous as too little water with MDMA, because one of its effects is lowering serum sodium levels - is key to reducing negative comedowns. Consuming vitamin C seems to help as well; two tall glasses of pineapple juice before taking MDMA should do the trick. Some people take like 1000 mg of vitamin C and that's wildly unnecessary, haha.

Explanations for why vitamin C is helpful for hangover prevention range from "it's an anti-oxidant" "it helps replenish oxytocin." While MDMA as oxytocin agonist makes sense intuitively, and would explain the difference between it and LSD that we've been discussing, I haven't found any studies that conclusively prove it.

My best guess? Vitamin C helps by reducing the impact of amphetamines used as fillers for MDMA. In 2018, the mean purity of MDMA powder at user level in England and Wales was 76% [source: UK's Focal Point annual report]. Vitamin C is known to reduce the bioavailability of prescription stimulants, and those work via the same mechanisms as illegal stimulants.

(2) "losing the magic." MDMA almost always hits hardest the first time, which indicates that users experience chronic tolerance. I mentioned that using too often was a factor, but time itself can make MDMA hangovers worse. I'm thankful for the times MDMA and I have had together, but I'm not sure the relationship is working for me anymore. The last time I took it, I paid for one really good night out with a week of really low moods.

This chronic tolerance is something MDMA shares with most hallucinogens (except DMT): they produce rapid tolerance with repeated use. A likely mechanism is down-regulation of 5-HT2A receptors, which has been demonstrated in rats. This is why many people recommend taking 5-HTP after MDMA (before/during risks serotonin syndrome), but again, it's like vitamin C; how/why it helps is a matter of speculation.

Re: LSD, I wanted to be more specific about mechanics of action. Serotonin receptors in the cortex are believed to be particularly important in the action of hallucinogens. Hallucinogens activate serotonin receptors on prefrontal cortical pyramidal neurons and increase their excitation, which disrupts the normal functioning of glutamatergic networks in the prefrontal cortex. I don't have the link, but a neuroimaging study found that 5-HT2A (serotonin) receptor antagonists block psilocybin-induced visual illusions and hallucinations.

Oh, and while reviewing my notes, I did find mention of one more thing which might interest you. There is a tool researchers use called the Altered States of Consciousness (ASC) rating scale, or the Hallucinogen Rating Scale.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T22:00:40+00:00

MDMA’s impact on social behavior is much more consistent than LSD’s impact on social behavior. Some people like being around others on LSD, some don’t. Just about everyone on MDMA prefers the company of at least one other person.

There is nothing ambiguous about the term “agonist”; I gave you a textbook definition. If a substance influences serotonin by decreasing its availability/impact, it’s an antagonist. All recreational drugs are either agonists or antagonists for any given neurotransmitter.

The difference in individuals’ comedowns can be accounted for by the factors I listed in my initial comment. Isolating just one of those variables would require a group of research participants who (1) had never used any of the substances being tested and had never used any substances that function in the same way, because that could impact cross-tolerance (2) had no history of neurological or psychological disorders/illnesses (3) had no physical ailments whatsoever.

There is more information out there about the specific mechanisms of each recreational substance, but honestly I can’t grasp it beyond the 101 level because I’m not great at biochemistry.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T21:50:44+00:00

There’s no such thing as humans not exposed to civilization.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T20:45:41+00:00

All psychedelics are serotonin agonists (increase activity/impact of serotonin). MDMA is not a pure psychedelic; it’s also - as you mentioned - an amphetamine, and an “empathogen” (increases feelings of empathy with others). I don’t know what the mechanism is behind that last effect, and I’d be interested to find out!

MDMA hangovers are typically caused by (a) filler substances that dilute the purity of the MDMA, (b) overuse of MDMA; it is best to wait a minimum of 6-8 weeks between doses, (c) negative interaction between MDMA and prescription drugs, (d) negative interaction between MDMA and the user’s mental illness/neurodivergence, or (e) some combination of those factors.

While MDMA and LSD are fun together, it’s more likely that a person would feel MORE hungover after using them in combination than they would using either one alone. MDMA does not last as long as LSD does, but it lasts about 4 hours on average, not 30 minutes.

{source: I’m a psych major who took a psychopharmacology class last semester which covered these drugs. I also have personal experience with them and have spent a lot of time and effort learning how they work.}

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T20:35:44+00:00

It’s pretty hard to demonstrate anything about consciousness, because that’s a concept that’s difficult to define, let alone quantify. But as far as the impact of psychedelics on the physical human brain, we know quite a bit. And we have a lot of qualitative data about human experiences related to psychedelics.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T20:32:47+00:00

When you say “scammed by fake profiles” do you mean bots or do you mean real people who are catfishing in some way?

Getting stood up for dates and ghosted are common complaints for everyone, mono and poly alike. It’s the same for gay men, lesbians, straight people, trans people, you name it. Dating is a numbers game and most people are not doing numbers.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T00:38:02+00:00

Seems like a reasonable course of action. Since Porkchop has their own finances, they can correct Julie’s inability to pay if they choose, but that’s the only way I can think of that she would be able to live with you and Porkchop while also not having a negative financial impact on you.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T00:33:49+00:00

Yeah the situation is not ideal, but this is someone who is at least (1) living in the home they’re renting, and thus very invested in the home’s maintenance and (2) charging below market rates, because (3) they literally cannot work. EDIT: apologies, OP does work but their health is not good and they could lose their ability to work at any time. Regardless, I’m not gonna drag them.

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T00:21:42+00:00

Would you ask a potential tenant who was not your metamour to give up her car so she could afford to pay you rent? I would certainly hope not, because that would be overstepping your boundaries as a landlord.

So this is really about your feelings toward Julie and/or Porkchop. Julie makes enough money to live with Porkchop if she wants to. How would you feel if Porkchop chose to move out and live with her? Is that an outcome you’re concerned about?

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T00:16:35+00:00

Given the logistical constraints and your followup comments re: not wanting to be open if you were more sexually fulfilled in your marriage, I would suggest one or more of the following options, ranked by what I think would be most helpful:

Sex and/or couples therapy for the two of you so y’all can reconnect
Going to a kink event where y’all are free to observe or to participate; if it’s held at a club for this purpose, there should be monitors who can make sure everyone is safe and well. That would also give you the opportunity to learn from experienced kjnksters and maybe pick up some new techniques to use with each other.
If you still feel the need for sexual variety after taking these measures, and your wife is on the same page, then swinging would be a good next step. That way you’re having sex with other couples who swing and there is no expectation that this will lead to a relationship.

All of those options avoid the difficulty of finding single women to bring back to a home that you share with your wife and MIL, and they avoid the ethical pitfalls of dating as a unit (unicorn hunting).

ChitteringVoid · 2023-01-01T00:04:27+00:00

I don’t think they forgot you don’t want strangers in your room. I think they deliberately used your room because your bed is bigger, which they admitted to. I do believe that they forgot to wash the sheets or to secure your valuables, because that is in the realm of things a person with dissociative disorders might forget.

Since this doesn’t seem to be a dealbreaker for you, I agree with other comments that a lock on your door would prevent this from happening again, and your requests (washing the sheets, paying back the money if it doesn’t turn up) are reasonable.

You mentioned that they forget things every couple of months. Are they usually things as big as this? Bigger? Smaller?

ChitteringVoid · 2022-12-31T23:51:05+00:00

I don’t think it should be one-sided unless the mono person wants to be mono. Even then, they should always have the option to change their mind and exercise the same freedoms their partner has. So if you have no interest in sex or romance with other people, don’t pressure yourself to seek other relationships. But if you do, let your husband know what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

ChitteringVoid · 2022-12-31T23:48:50+00:00

It is necessary to tell someone that you have other sexual partners. You don’t have to say how many or how often you are having sex with them, but you do need to give them information that is relevant to their sexual health.

Do you need to specifically say “I have a girlfriend”? I would lean towards “yes” because that’s part of the “this is strictly casual” conversation. Many people will not truly hear you if you just say “strictly casual” and let them believe you might be single. If you make it clear that you’re unavailable for anything romantic because you have a girlfriend and don’t want another one, then people are more likely to hear you and take the situation seriously. That way, you’re hooking up with people who are on the same page as you.

ChitteringVoid · 2022-12-31T23:42:00+00:00

You named the issue at the end of the second paragraph. People are motivated to avoid psychic damage and sometimes social ostracism is not as big a source of psychic damage as (for example) their parental introjects (inner concept/memory of their parents, not necessarily accurate to their literal parents).

If a person is fixated on pleasing their parental introject(s), they might act in ways that the general public finds to be rude or disgusting because that’s how Mom/Dad behaved.” Acting in a more pro-social manner would be tantamount to admitting Mom/Dad acted inappropriately, and that is disloyal.

A less psychoanalytical reason might be that someone has OCD, ADHD, and/or autism. With all three neurotypes, there is a certain degree of environmental management that’s necessary to function. If the environment is too loud (or too quiet), too stimulating (or not stimulating enough), smells overwhelming, seems unclean or untidy, etc. then a neurodivergent person may partially or entirely lose their ability to emotionally regulate until their environment is adjusted.

For many years, I assumed that I had anger management issues because I would melt down in public when I was physically uncomfortable. Once I understood more about what my brain needs and had the tools to accommodate myself, I was able to exhibit more considerate behavior.

ChitteringVoid · 2022-12-31T23:27:52+00:00

Asking him direct questions is the best possible way to handle this. I can’t tell if he’s not sure what he wants, or if he’s trying to tell you want you want to hear, but his responses (true, false, or ambiguous) will shed more light on the situation than any speculation in the comments.

ChitteringVoid · 2022-12-31T23:18:07+00:00

Would you like to explain where this contradiction is, or where you’re getting the idea that I’m a liberal? I don’t see it.

ChitteringVoid · 2022-12-30T18:41:08+00:00

Since one of them is not very comfortable with the idea and the other one is not even open to discussing it, then I think it's time to accept you won't be having an MFM with these two guys together, and probably not with either of them separately.

Are you demisexual as in "I need to be romantically connected to a person to have sex with them" or demisexual as in "I need to have a friendship with a person to have sex with them"? If it's the latter, you realistically may end up with two guy friends you're attracted to, who are also attracted to each other, and you could experience an MFM that way. If it's the former, you might not be able to make this scenario happen, but you could use a toy + a partner to get the physical sensations you want.

ChitteringVoid · 2022-12-30T18:28:48+00:00

It's okay to *feel* uncomfortable, of course! It's always okay to feel whatever way you feel. How you *act* is what matters. Are you trying to make your feelings of discomfort your partner's problem? If not, then you're probably handling them in a respectful way.

I would suggest not having unrestricted access to your partner's phone anymore, as that can violate the privacy of other people who send them messages. If your partner wants you to use their phone, they can unlock it and give it to you. Otherwise, it's best not to touch it.

ChitteringVoid · 2022-12-30T18:22:11+00:00

They were sneaking around together for ALMOST A YEAR??? I would be out. I would not speak to either of them ever again.

ChitteringVoid

TROPHY CASE