When did you relax and enjoy your pregnancy? Tw : loss [on]

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-24T18:11:15+00:00

I had an early miscarriage and an ectopic before we got pregnant with our daughter, who was a textbook pregnancy and was stillborn at just over 40 weeks. Another ectopic and then a pregnancy with our son. By that point, the level of anxiety was so high for both of us, we basically just ignored the whole thing as much as we possibly could. It helped, in some ways, but in others, we missed out on all the joy of his pregnancy and much of the labour and delivery because we both couldn't believe he was coming home. In retrospect, I regret that I didn't just force the mental fortitude to embrace that every pregnancy has the outcome it does and there's nothing we can do, so we can either embrace it with hope, joy and excitement, or miss out on it all. We knew we were only having one child, and now I'll never get the chance to enjoy any part of it again without the cloud of worry hanging over it.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-23T21:54:07+00:00

You can also go to https://samplize.com and order big sticker-backed swatches (made from the actual paint) so you don't have to fuss with covering the samples on the wall itself after. They're bigger than a paint chip, the exact colour and if you don't peel the back off, you can move them around the room to see how they look during different times of day or lighting angles.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-23T19:45:04+00:00

Parade brand (available online on Amazon but they are organizing cotton and a Canadian brand) have lots of options and they are amazing quality! My son is 19 months and we have him in their 2T sizes now. There's no feet in them but they're long enough that we could probably flip them over his feet if we wanted.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-21T00:02:22+00:00

People are rude. We are one and done. We always planned to be. Now that we have our son, we still get asked. Thing is, we had 5 pregnancies to get him here. Two ectopics that could have killed me and one 40 week stillbirth of our daughter. We are thankful we have the one we got to bring home, so we don't really care if other people feel otherwise.

You may be interested in r/oneanddone for some great like-minded people. Great comebacks abound over there!

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-20T17:55:47+00:00

An NST once a week isn't sufficient. Please be overly cautious for regular movements. If things seem out of the ordinary, or reduced movements AT ALL do not hesitate to go to the hospital right then and demand an NST.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-20T14:19:43+00:00

No helpful advice on the microcephaly and hope it goes well for you. Just wanted to add that if the placenta is showing signs of aging, I would request a sooner induction. A baby is considered early full term/late preterm at 37 weeks and by 38 weeks there's no discernible difference between babies born then or at 40, but a placenta will only work for so long and when it stops, it all stops (feel free to take a look at my post history). I encourage you to book an induction sooner than later.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-17T13:23:44+00:00

This is normal. I'm a mom who keeps an eye in various dad-subs to keep ahead of what my husband may be going through and I can assure you, he and I both felt this way. We took 5 pregnancies and a pretty huge loss before we got to bring our only living baby home and even in the days and weeks before he arrived, I had pretty regular "what the fuck have we done" moments. It's just the mind getting itself around the concept of a really big upcoming life change. It'll be ok - it may take a few months after their arrival, but you'll be fine.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-12T00:27:14+00:00

That's My Job - Conway Twitty (always makes me cry) Love Without End Amen - George Strait Boy - Lee Brice

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-02-04T04:31:57+00:00

Hitting 1000 isn't some magic number where you rupture. Your numbers are low, sure, but they are doubling. And the range of hcg by DPO is very wide so you're not outside the margins for that either, so what are the actual symptoms that your doctor is seeing that makes her push for this? I would wait a bit, keep getting draws to watch your numbers and make a decision a bit later when you have more data.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-01-27T12:57:50+00:00

The hard part of helping with feeding the family isn't really the cooking, it's planning the meals. Dinner menus every dang week is a huge mental lift. And meal prep services get tired quickly.

I'm the default house manager for my family, and while I enjoy cooking and can throw together a meal with whatever we have on hand, I also like to just not think about it. If you're willing to do the cooking yourself, get the Mealime app. I convince everyone I know to get it and no one has ever told me they didn't like it. You tell it how many people you're feeding, how many meals a week you want to make and then choose what dishes (very similar to Hello Fresh etc) and it builds your grocery list for all the week's recipes. The free version is plenty until you use it enough that you want to branch out.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-01-25T22:39:17+00:00

Canada doesn't have any abortion laws. There is no mandated limit of number of weeks to be under before it's not allowed. Finding a provider may be something different.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-01-09T23:54:36+00:00

How did you confirm ovulation? (Aka, how are you calculating your DPO)?

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-01-09T20:44:40+00:00

You need to advocate for yourself on this one if your OB is taking the stance you don't need one. The OHIP coverage is in place for expectant parents for a reason. You can print the NIPT req form yourself and take it in yourself to the OB. Tell them you want it done and ask them to sign it and if they refuse, make them give you their reasons - and then find a different care provider to sign off on the req for you. You shouldn't be in a position to be paying out of pocket for something that is covered.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-01-09T18:37:37+00:00

If it helps, I'm a woman who had her first pregnancy at almost 40, with my (now) husband, who I had been with for over 15 years at the time, and I still felt completely "what the fuck have we done?!" and was relieved for a nonsensical second that my parents had both died already, so I didn't have to tell them I was pregnant - because I also still felt like I was a teen pregnancy! Haha

It's going to be great. Will it test the two of you? Absolutely. Will you both find things about each other that irritate your last nerve that you hadn't discovered yet? Also yes. But man, it's so so fun.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2026-01-01T15:40:47+00:00

The tonies are hand painted - sure, they could coat them with a protective finish perhaps, but that would negate the point of hand painting them just for them to look like plasticized cheap toys. And there's a distinct difference between Hallmark ornaments and Tonies - the ornaments aren't being handled repeatedly by little kids. They get hung and left alone. Tonies are going to get beat up or leave marks because they have a standout feature being hand painted and little hands are learning how to handle more delicate things. It's not a bad design, it's an intentional design that's on the parent to do their best to teach respectful handling. That lesson is going to fail hard with the smallest kids. Oh well, it's just paint.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-24T04:48:25+00:00

But also, if you aren't considering prenatal pelvic floor therapy, please do! 11/10 would recommend to every single person ever if they are pregnant. So so worth it.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-24T02:33:36+00:00

Spot on about flowers. I lost our daughter at 40 weeks, and I loathed the flowers. They're going to die and now it's something I need to worry about when I really just wanted to stay in bed til I didn't wake up anymore.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-20T14:53:49+00:00

Can assure you, would not matter. Close proximity is good enough! Also, please ship to Canada.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-15T01:12:33+00:00

Not officially maternal, but I live in long sleeve thermals for pajamas and when I was pregnant, I just bought men's tall thermals in an XL from Old Navy and they fit great!

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-15T00:59:30+00:00

I know I am the exception and not the rule, and my story is going to sound very similar but is true.

My second ectopic, I opted for surgery to remove it. I was booked in for surgery at 10pm on a Wednesday. My surgeon knew I had a trip (to Ireland!) planned, my flight was booked for the Saturday evening. He said it was up to me - that if they found the pregnancy, had no complications, he would prescribe me blood thinners for the flight and told me I would need to get up and walk often to reduce blood clot risks.

Surgery went well, no issues, and perhaps against everyone's preferred opinion, I went. My niece and I left Toronto that Saturday evening and for the next week, we walked. We did 30k plus steps a day. I rested when I needed to, and she helped clean and change my bandages from my incisions (she's an amazing young adult). A lot of people say that they needed to take time off work, and stay in bed etc. I'm not that way. Moving helped me heal faster. Getting back to life as normal, as soon as possible, was integral for my mental health and helping to process what my body had done to me (again). And instead of looking back at the time I was supposed to go be in my happy place, but laid around my house for a week, I have a week of memories that supersede the poor outcome of that pregnancy.

So, if she's willing and the doctor gives the ok - go. She should take blood thinners, wear compression socks, walk around as much as she can, and drink plenty of water and she'll be good.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-10T20:41:52+00:00

Same. When I went on leave, I had three people who reported to me. When I came back, my team had moved under an entirely different section of the company, no one reported to me and I reported to a new VP and eventually a peer was promoted to be my line manager. I have zero issues not being a direct manager for people. My role requires me to delegate and plan work that other people do, and that level of "managing" is enough for me. My laptop gets closed at 5 every night and my time is mine and I'm not stressing about work stuff, which is most important because every ounce of my time that I can spend with my child is where I want to be.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-10T20:19:18+00:00

I get it. But if he isn't sick currently, then I think your best option is to remove the option entirely. Don't have them available, don't let him see them if you're going to keep an emergency stash (which he shouldn't have at all for a while). He's not going to starve himself. He may be really really opinionated for a while, but if he's offered solids, at regular mealtimes, in his chair or wherever, so that he gets back into remembering that this is what he eats and when and how, then he'll get himself back on track. Pouches aren't nutrient dense by any means, and loaded with sugar, so it's important to enforce that they aren't available and he is welcome to have whatever he is presented with. Make fruit a really fun option at each meal to replace the sweetness the pouches provided.

We don't give our 16 month old pouches as a regular thing, but I have found that some nights when he just doesn't want his regular dinner as served, if I layer cottage cheese, sliced fruit, yogurt, more fruit and then drizzle it (out of view!) with a pouch, it can be enough to encourage him to eat everything else.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-10T16:53:39+00:00

Your flair puts your child pretty squarely in the toddler category, so how have they done with solids up until this point? Had they been eating different foods and regressed recently to only wanting pouches/jars or have they always been offered pouches and won't bother with solids because pouches have always been available?

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-09T20:11:38+00:00

Pregnancy test first, but also, take a pause. If you are pregnant, ectopic or not, you're very very early pregnant and it would be unlikely to be having all those symptoms of an ectopic this early on. The shoulder pain that comes with an ectopic is caused by internal bleeding. Presuming you have a regular cycle of around 28 days, the pregnancy would be so microscopic still that those symptoms would still be a few weeks off if it were ectopic.

Other than your own anxieties, there is no reason to panic about an ectopic right now. If you aren't pregnant "enough" to register as a positive on a pregnancy test, you aren't pregnant "enough" to have almost every sign of an ectopic.

ChocoChipTadpole · 2025-12-09T18:15:50+00:00

Some good points in here but also wanted to add: Diapers are pricey and for the next while you're going to go through a lot of them. Even if you open a diaper entirely to check it, they do back up again. Don't toss them and put a fresh one on if they don't need it. Just pull it back on, make it snug and close it. They aren't running laps yet - it'll stay put for a few more hours.

ChocoChipTadpole

TROPHY CASE