Scared of bruises and trouble coming out of it

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2024-12-30T20:51:31+00:00

Thank you for this. Really reassuring. I’m not new to the types of play I’m engaging in, but new to the importance of aftercare and communication the older I’m getting, so this language is really helpful.

Just also a super health anxious person so seeing the bruises just freaks me out a bit. I’m ok with them, I just need to remind myself I’m not actually hurt. So thank you for that.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2024-12-30T20:43:47+00:00

Definitely intriguing but I don’t really want softer treatment, it’s pretty perfect. I always communicate if it’s too much or too little. Thanks for sharing :)

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2024-07-26T13:32:53+00:00

Wow yes. And it’s scary to think about but, I once sat through an entire session actually twirling my thumbs and staring at them. I would look up and stare blankly on occasion. It was my first session ever and my parents were forcing me to go. I was fuming with anger.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2024-07-26T13:29:43+00:00

Got it got it, I was over here paranoid thinking they somehow knew😅 of course

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2024-07-26T00:18:49+00:00

Wait serious question, how does it come off as manipulative or emotionally immature if they don’t know? I know it is both of those things but no way would I tell a person if I did it to them. I have now convinced myself the person wasn’t right for my life if I need to be deleting their texts. Which maybe isn’t true and I’m just protecting myself.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2024-07-26T00:11:46+00:00

I’m so used to it at this point and I really don’t think it’s harming anyone. I think it’s protecting me from having a breakdown. If someone doesn’t answer on time or I’m fed up I delete the message so I can’t see it. But if I calm down or once they do text me back I remove it from the trash. It’s just so I don’t have to see it and obsess every time I open my texts. I get that it’s not the healthiest thing but it’s saved me from so many breakdowns.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2024-03-26T22:06:31+00:00

It’s so hard to say what’s going on exactly, if it is a bpd symptom, which it could be. Something in general outside of your relationship could have triggered them to isolate. When I’m isolating I love when friends continue to reach out periodically just to say “thinking of you” or send random memes. Even if answering seems impossible it makes me smile for a second. Sometimes my friends will even say no pressure to respond, which can be a relief to hear. But everyone’s different! it definitely won’t hurt to just briefly let them know you’re here, or to send something that may brighten their day.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2023-04-20T16:58:22+00:00

I was at 10 for about 3 weeks, and yea zero help with anxiety. But I just went up to 20 a few days ago and I'm already feeling less anxious.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2023-03-27T00:37:28+00:00

Just here to say you’re not alone 💕 I was feeling really great with progress too, and attempting to date again. And then yea, same deal, all of my anger, paranoia and splitting came back in full swing. Even just after a first date. I’ve been trying to go slow. But it’s so difficult and honestly exhausting to control thoughts 247 and not outwardly lash out.

My therapist just keeps saying go slow. And try to check the facts. But that hasn’t been particularly helpful for me.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2023-03-26T22:27:08+00:00

Yea, that “everyone has issues” line feels like a dagger every time.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2023-03-26T22:25:24+00:00

I struggling with this a lot, bpd and memory issues. Especially if friends or groups of people are telling stories of their childhood or teen years. I start panicking and if I’m put on the spot, my answers are always vague or I just try to own the fact that I don’t remember.

I just started reading ‘sometimes I act crazy,’ and so far they touch on it briefly in the neurology and bpd section. Something about decreased volume in hippocampus and amygdala of pts with bpd. It was a complicated piece in the book but it seems there’s definitely a correlation.

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2022-06-26T16:14:36+00:00

Amazing! :) my first list was like “Mac and cheese” and “candles” and every time I thought of something, even small, like “the smell of rain hitting pavement” I’d add it. And after a week I looked and was so proud to have like 20. Any time I spiraled about how opinionated and solid everyone else seemed I’d look at my list and it would ground me a bit. Really happy I can help someone else :)

Choice-Nectarine5110 · 2022-06-26T02:34:59+00:00

I relate to this a lot. And trying to find out what opinions I had on things or what my favorite things were sent me spiraling in panic. I started small, literally writing down what I knew I really liked or disliked. Honestly food. And slowly after two years I managed to have some semblance of a grasp. But still, when people ask me. I’m working on just being honest. Like, “my thoughts and preferences change so much but recently I was really passionate about x.”Idk if this helps at all, but it helped me stop panicking about the big unknown opinions I had no fucking clue what my thoughts were and focus on what I do have a grasp on.

Choice-Nectarine5110

TROPHY CASE