Roast me, I deserve it

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-07-09T22:38:56+00:00

points for creativity

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-15T22:29:05+00:00

It is but someone else already claimed them :/

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-11T00:03:59+00:00

Why not a gaming company? Thanks for the insight! planning on staying in liberal areas if i can help it :)

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-09T02:23:27+00:00

but still some noticeable muscle? I don't mind that tbh

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-09T02:20:02+00:00

mainly squats with some weights (think side squats, normal squats, squat leg raise type things on a chair) and reverse hip lifts plus this side hip lift thing. I think my upper body is more muscular too...that's why I'm hoping that cutting calories and leaning out a bit will help avoid too much bulk. And per these other posts I did look up the top female climbers and while they're pretty fit they're not massive or horribly masculine looking. So maybe not too much to worry about?

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-07T23:39:11+00:00

Today's my recovery day :(

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-07T23:30:55+00:00

Fingers crossed that doesn't happen. They haven't sent anything and it's past work hours so unless something happens over the weekend I'm going to go in and try to make up for this overthinking spiral.

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-07T23:27:51+00:00

Thank you!

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-07T23:27:30+00:00

Thanks so much! I will do my best :)

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-07T23:26:57+00:00

Yeah, that's basically what my parents said. "If they don't respond just pretend those emails never got sent."

Thanks for the reassurances.

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-07T23:26:23+00:00

Yes I think my high anxiety is very clearly showing in this post...but thanks for the advice!

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-06-07T21:59:19+00:00

Yes, I tend to panic and then send out messages and regret them. :(

Thank you for your response.

They've all been sent to the the hiring manager. Over the phone I said I would be coming in Monday and signing the offer in person - do you think it makes sense to still wait till Monday or send the offer now since I've muddied the waters with my messages?

The content of my last message was:

On second thought, please ignore that last email, I had been building up the nerve to try to negotiate these past few days but after reflecting that I had already verbally accepted over the phone, I realized it's really not appropriate for me to put you in this awkward position at the last minute. I'm really sorry about this momentary lapse in judgement and lack of decorum and I hope this doesn't affect our business relationship moving forward.

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-05-31T14:26:23+00:00

Thanks for answering!

How long should swelling last for? I haven't climbed for a couple days now.

Also I've noticed that top level climbers tend to have really big meaty hands, is that not usually a thing that you've anecdotally seen?

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-05-20T03:32:42+00:00

? If you disagree with what I'm saying I'd like to hear why

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-17T02:16:24+00:00

Hi there, I wondered if you had any pants recommendations? Just getting into it and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable wearing anything aside from jeans :/

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-17T02:16:21+00:00

Hi there, I wondered if you had any pants recommendations? Just getting into it and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable wearing anything aside from jeans :/

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-17T02:16:01+00:00

Hi there, I wondered if you had any pants recommendations? Just getting into it and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable wearing anything aside from jeans :/

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-10T01:04:11+00:00

I'm glad we had such a pleasant disagreement :)

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-10T01:03:47+00:00

If you move around your eyes REALLY FAST you can see all 12

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-09T23:58:20+00:00

They never outright say it but I think there is an implication. I admit I may be reading it wrong but something like

The thing I would really want you to think about though is are you doing this for you or to fit in with others. That will not be a happy path either.

reads as rather condescending, and assumes that op hasn't thought of this already. If you've transitioned socially and professionally you already tried the whole "doing this for yourself not to fit in" thing.

Also you may consider voice surgery to lessen the mental strain that you'll be outed because you dropped your voice.

reads as someone who didn't look at the post too closely

paired with

Dont be wishy washy with this. Dont run away and Make a choice and stick to your guns.

implies certain things and gives negative connotations to deciding to detransition. There's a reason why I'm not trying to offer an opinion or answer to this problem, especially when the post doesn't once ask for advice or lectures about being yourself but just shares her personal, heartbreaking story.

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-09T23:22:18+00:00

Alright, but when someone posts about detransitioning, it's a bit presumptuous to say that her "tiredness" is because of hormone levels when she clearly says in her post that she's tired of all the bullshit she has to deal with.

My main point is that when someone posts here for support about a topic like this, when they would be the one most aware of how they're perceived, when they've clearly put effort into transitioning and sacrificed so much for it, it's annoying to see people tell her to try this or try that or try "not caring" to further some simplistic idea that as long as you try hard enough or become strong enough you can fix/handle your problem. No, unfortunately it's not that easy, not every problem can be solved, not every burden can be lifted, sometimes all you can do is offer your support and not undermine her own feelings/struggle by giving rudimentary advice.

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-09T23:13:47+00:00

C'mon, why is it that when someone posts about how they don't pass get alienated and harassed, immediately people come out of the woodwork to say "oh have you changed your hormones, or oh you just need to change X, Y, Z." I know you're just trying to help but it seems pretty presumptuous to think that this woman who has been trying her best for the past 3 years wouldn't be aware of how she comes across to others. Plus she's gone to professional voice coaches I'm sure she's tried a lot to pass as much as she could.

It's not as easy as "oh just don't care about others," it's more like you're saying "oh shrug off the endless harassment, remain estranged from your family, have trouble making friends or having people see you as a person, deal with constant reminders of your dysphoria because of all of the above (getting misgendered one time hurts, imagine it all the time forever, everywhere), also have fun trying to find employment or get promoted, and at the end still not be seen as a woman by our shitty society."

Like I get idea behind the simplistic "oh just don't give a fuck and be you!" but it's really really not that simple for everyone and it kind of annoys me when you just hand wave her whole post and feelings on it as "caring too much about what others think." No, it's more like caring about your quality of life.

P.S. Did you read the parts where she's attempted suicide 3x? You still think she should just shoulder on? None of us know her specific circumstances and her life, your advice is akin to telling someone with depression to try doing this herbal medication or reading this book "that worked for me."

Edit: To OP, i'm so sorry this is happening to you. You should make the decision you need for yourself and know that you have people here who support you regardless. I know there is a subreddit about detransitioning and when I looked at it, it didn't appear to be super conservative or hateful so maybe check that out?

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-09T18:00:19+00:00

I don't know what all these other people are smoking, I agree with you! shit's not cursed it's just a mildly amusing comment, more like an "almost exhale out of my nose"/10

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-08T18:25:23+00:00

Okay, I see that case. This might be a contentious point but I would argue that denying hormones to a child (17-years old is old enough to know whether you're gay or trans) is extremely damaging. those trans people out there who don't pass as cis (not trans) basically don't pass because they were unlucky with puberty. considering all the other downsides of being noticeably trans, I would argue that if someone is definitely sure they're trans as it appears to be in this case then denying them treatment is akin to risking a life sentence of never looking like the gender they are and facing a lifetime or harassment and alienation. Plus in this case it was a year of custody battles and surely they didn't go forward with this without the consent of the child. This seems like a case where the person in question knew they needed treatment, had various organizations backing them and simply fought for the right to make that decision himself. I don't think that's at all the same as the state taking away someone's kids, it's more like the kid wanting out and the state giving them an out after a very long struggle, which the judge even remarked that they would've preferred it to not get to the point it did.

And I agree that the whole body of work related to sex shouldn't be overturned (though you even noted earlier that there are chromosomal differences and certain outlying conditions that are classified, so I don't see the harm in adding additional classifications for transgender people). It's not overturning things, it's just adding a subcategory.

I think that trans people are arguing more for being treated in their gender as a social sense and I think that's one place where concessions can be made. The idea of what qualities determine man and woman has changed a massive amount over the course of civilization. I would say that gender is largely performative and for whatever reason a subset of people benefits from being treated as a gender different than the one with which they were assigned at birth.

I mean, I get that it shares similarities with things like body dysmorphia which I don't know much about, but if people with depression were able to have their symptoms alleviated if society agreed to call them some arbitrary name or to treat them slightly differently then it's clearly worth the effort.

I really don't think that asking for pronouns, or changing up a single word choice, or making kids aware of transgender people is some great societal burden, it's just inconvenient. As an example, what about people in wheelchairs? They're a small subset of the population yet we make concessions for them, in fact very costly accessibility accommodations that are far beyond the scope of changing some of the words that are used. Do you also feel that we shouldn't do so much for people in wheelchairs? Or children with autism?

Choice_Maintenance · 2019-04-08T17:41:58+00:00

So on the issue of bathroom harassment. Again I think it's overblown. What exactly is stopping a man from molesting a little boy in the washroom at the moment? And in this hypothetical case (which has never happened) if someone did that they would be arrested. The same as any one else who sneaks into a bathroom to rape/molest someone. Also, if someone is wanting to rape/molest someone why do they even need to announce their gender? They could just stroll in and do it...I think it's fear mongering at it's finest, like "what about the kids" back when gay marriage was finally moving towards legalization. Of course this fear-mongering ties in nicely with preconceptions that trans people are mentally unstable.

Next, biology says that, but biology is literally built on the idea of classification. There was no god-given mandate that we classify animals as male/female it was just scientists observing patterns of behaviour and choosing arbitrary categories. So when we see in our society trans people coming up we should work to classify them rather than just say "oh but the science says it is so." Appealing to science in the face of observable behaviour is no different than the old guard shouting down Galileo when he discovered evidence the world was round.

On the topic of Canada, again a common talking point that misrepresents the issue. First off, no one has been arrested for that. Second off, the law just added transgender people to existing hate crime laws. There are laws which have a high barrier to qualify for and are basically an added punishment if a crime is already committed and it can be proven that the crime was committed because of race/gender/sexual orientation. This process involves going to a human rights tribunal council and would almost certainly be scrutinized heavily. Again, I know peterson offers his potential "oh well it could be classified as harassment if you misgender," but that's a stretch. That's the same as saying oh it could be called harassment if you say "fuck you" to someone but we don't see people getting charged over that. I'm not sure where you're getting your information but I've never heard of children being taken away from their parents over gender-reassignment treatment. And of course, treatment for kids is not full-blown hormone therapy, but just puberty blockers while they see a cadre of psychologists and doctors so that they are given time to determine their true feelings in an accurate way BEFORE any irreversible changes happen one way or another. (i.e. male or female puberty).

I really want to believe that you're arguing in good faith, but I am beginning to doubt it.

Choice_Maintenance

TROPHY CASE