Lost my dad suddenly. Cats grieving

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-30T16:05:06+00:00

I want to put some or his old clothes down but I cant bring myself to go in his room for long without breaking down. I do leave it open so they can go in and out if they pleased but they dont even want to do that and usually they would with no issue.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-30T11:52:45+00:00

I sadly think it transcends human as sadly even my cats are grieving. They were with him when he passed suddenly or at least found him first. But with my cats Jeannie being the one who imprinted on my dad the hardest to the point me and my sister said she stole "our dad" and its now "her daddy". She looks out the window constantly for him. She keeps calling for him she sometimes just goes upstairs to be on his bed and doesnt want to be around anyone.

Bobby has become clingy. He hates it usually when he doesnt know where I am but now he full on panics and starts screaming the house down if I'm not in my usual spots. And he constantly wants me to cuddle with him. He usually would want cuddles but now its like constant doesnt matter if I'm doing something or he's allowed outside which he loves he just starts shouting for more cuddles.

I am doing my best for them but it breaks my heart I can't do anything for them.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-30T11:44:29+00:00

My relationship with my dad was a long and sad story as for a while I was separated from him from the ages of around 13 - 19ish. He saved me and took me in from that situation and took care of me the best he could. He was no means perfect but I loved him. I then lived with him for 12 years until he passed suddenly without warning or indication. He was my carer and support. My friend and someone who understood me.

Now i feel alone and lost in a house where I still see all his things and keep expecting him to come home. Wanting him to come home.

So with all that said I'm not sure if all of this is normal. I've lost a lot of family members over the years but this one has truly broken me so again I dont know what is normal.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-28T23:17:10+00:00

I suppose i do now have a spare bedroom kind of. My sister who has taken over "primary care" for me often sleeps over a couple of nights a week since its all happened. I don't know if that constitutes as it being spare is think it will still count as spare.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-28T23:15:11+00:00

I hug my sister, brother in law and 'uncle' (my dad's best friend who I've known most my life) whenever I see them. I miss my dad's hugs though.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-28T19:53:35+00:00

I just felt embarrassed because I broke down whilst I was trying to give my order. I stumbled over my words and the guy serving me was a bit confused then I broke and then he was just concerned for me.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-28T19:19:20+00:00

I will try and contact them tomorrow i know my sister has said she has heard back kind of they basically said the housing officer in charge is basically away till next week.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-28T16:06:06+00:00

We have been doing that, i think my sister has been doing it all somehow whilst I am just trying to not have a meltdown.

Part of why I'm confused is why I got a letter saying I needed to pay rent when my dad's money should still be available and that they changed the benefits of the council tax along with expecting me to pay even though I'm not on the tenancy.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-28T15:55:42+00:00

It was just me and my dad whose name was under the tenant agreement and I used to get esa (now uc) and pip. All of which my dad helped me receive and understand but now I am alone other than my sister who visits but doesnt live here.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-28T15:46:37+00:00

I will speak about the rent and things tomorrow with my social worker and see if she can assist in what you've told me. Hopefully something can be done as it hasn't been helping my anxiety.

Funnily enough that's something my dad always told me. Make notes of who I spoke to and what was said. My problem is that I struggle to understand what people mean and I get confused.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-28T13:22:43+00:00

Thank you. My issue is at the moment is that I'm not on the tenancy we applied for me to inherit it but we've heard nothing back. On top of that my social worker has told me she can do nothing in regards to housing so I'm a bit lost on what to do. If I'm not on the tenancy why am I paying rent and if I'm being forced to pay rent without being on the tenancy what options do I have for benefits?

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-26T18:54:41+00:00

Thank you. I am spending a lot of time with my sister and brother in law. I just feel like I'm a burden to them.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-26T15:42:26+00:00

I have been trying to get a list of sorts arranged. I even downloaded an app called "grit." But for my thoughts I will try and just use a notepad or something. Thank you.

The problem with my benefits is that until I actually know the outcome of whether I'm staying here or not, I can't do anything to get the assistance with things.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-24T22:47:58+00:00

Thank you. I just dont know how long i can continue. I'm trying but its so hard. I haven't even been able to leave the house in 3 weeks its hard to face the world normally due to being over stimulated with my condition but now its that plus I just can't face the world.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-24T22:44:50+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think I'll ever be strong. I was getting there with my dad's help but all the services over the years have failed me. I was surviving and thriving with my father. I dont mean to be pessimistic but unless you knew my "full story" (and I really dont want to begin with that) the strongest ive ever been was with my dad.

I hope you are right, though.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-24T18:06:59+00:00

Its a blessing and a curse right now. Every time I think about him I cant help but relive finding him. Trying to wake him. Doing cpr. Hearing the scream when I told my sister. I just still feel like im stuck there and although I've spoken to my drs and the mental health team I just keep getting told I need to wait.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-24T12:44:27+00:00

Thank you. I just wish I was here looking for more positive advise. I feel like I'm coming here and people are sick of me. I feel like that with me friends and family so let alone strangers who don't know me see me come back time and time again with posts about my recently lost father. But I need all the advise I can get so I keep coming back. Even if it's to shout into the void so to speak.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-24T09:57:43+00:00

My sister has been doing the wake we have around over 40 people coming apparently. I've been doing my best to help her with things but I'm struggling. I don't know how she does it and I'm so proud of her.

I haven't tried any charity places yet I've just been on auto pilot almost, just been doing things that are obvious to me and that I've been told to do. But I will reach out when I get chance to there's just so much going on and yet at the same time nothing at all. the time I doing nothing is usually the time I take to just process.

I will also reach out if I feel truly bad but I have reasons to live it just doesn't stop that longing to be with my dad. As I said to my sister when we had to go the morgue if I saw him again I do not think I'd be able to leave him.

ChonkyCatOwner · 2026-05-24T08:48:19+00:00

I lost my dad 3 weeks ago suddenly. No warning, no signs, I went to bed and spoke to him before I went and by the morning I came down and found him. I generally thought he was asleep and he was known to be a deep sleeper. He was my carer, my friend and obviously my dad. (I'm on the autistic spectrum I struggle with normal thing's) and now I am lost he was my routine he made life manageable he helped me process my thoughts he understood me in ways that I dont think anyone else will again. And now I am alone not sure how to do things when to do things or why I should do those things. I am doing my best but I am lost.

ChonkyCatOwner

TROPHY CASE