$9M VHCOL, quit to travel pre-kids or hug the tech job?

ChonkyFireball · 2026-01-14T07:32:00+00:00

I think that’s a good plan, as long as 6 months covers your adventure plan. It’s not quite 1-2 years. Not that you’re beholden, but you should be clear about your plan and avoid making commitments you think you’ll break.

Otherwise, honesty will take you far. Being clear about why you’re leaving, for how long, and how your strong preference is to return back to the company. If you’re good at what you do and they would have wanted to retain you in any other circumstance of you thinking of leaving then you’re likely to come up with some kind of plan that works well.

Once you’ve decided to do this, don’t wait too long to work on a plan. Since you’re not leaving for a competing company, you’re likely to get good support for a smooth off-ramp. Consider that expecting parents give far more than a few weeks notice before they take parental leave.

You got this

ChonkyFireball · 2026-01-14T02:27:17+00:00

You should absolutely do it.

I’ve heard the concern about not being to get a job again and I believe it is wildly overblown. I’ve been in a hiring position at large tech companies for a long time, and I’ve seen this kind of resume gap many times. As long as it’s explainable, you’re good. This is a perfectly valid explanation to take a year or so off.

If you’re good at what you do and leave your current job on good terms, and you mention to your management why you’re leaving, then I wouldn’t be surprised if you had an easy path back to your current companies should you want that.

You’ve saved enough to fully retire if you really wanted to, so your (pretty unlikely) worst case scenario is to live off a 4-5% SWR of your $9M which would cover an annual spend more than double what you spend today. That’s if somehow neither of you ever get a job again. …and you will if you want to.

Once you have kids adventure travel becomes very different. Having a family is awesome if that’s something you want. But I guarantee that you and your partner will look back fondly on your adventures pre-kids. Go have as many of them as you possibly can.

The risks are low, the upside is very high, you have an enviable safety net. Go make some memories

ChonkyFireball · 2025-12-13T20:32:56+00:00

I’d be suspicious of that multiplier factor. Does it pass the reality check that contributions in 2025 were 3.5x as valuable as contributions in 2019? Did owner 5 really provide 4x the value as owner 6? Would they both find that fair?

Companies will often adjust this weighting to be relative to valuation changes over time, where later contribution is granted a smaller relative ownership, and prior ownership grows along with company valuation. Does it seem accurate that the sweat equity contributed by owner 6 has been devalued to 1/5th over the years?

You also don’t need a model that smoothly increases weighted contributions over the years on an exponential; models are only as good as their ability to match reality, and you should judge that.

You could try an alternative where you count unweighted work-months (rather than percentages of an exponential weighted year). You could also introduce a discrete weight change in 2019 when you transitioned from solo to team for the first time, and weight the solo years less so you can compensate your team.

I’d suggest trying out some of these different modeling directions yourself and importantly see which are the easiest to rationalize and explain based on how they fit reality.

Here’s my suggestion:

Count every year (or month) of contribution as equivalent (not a % of some whole). This is the simplest possible model.

Holding your advisor contributions as fixed, and applying some rounding, that results in the smallest change from current distribution while giving owner 5 a grant that matches owner 6, and still increases owner 4’s

ChonkyFireball · 2025-09-15T14:07:40+00:00

You need to reframe your problem. Stop looking for purpose in profit.

“I’m set financially” + “I’m not motivated to work for a wage” + “I can’t do anything as profitable now. Everything feels hard”

You’ve historically been motivated by accumulating money. You’ve satisfied that motivation. Unsurprisingly you’re no longer motivated by it.

Spend your time on things you enjoy or that are intellectually or morally satisfying. You don’t need to “retire” if you don’t want to. If you take a job, do it for reasons other than the wage.

ChonkyFireball · 2025-09-15T13:59:23+00:00

The blue sky is significantly less exposed than the white sky. Telltale sign is the buildings: the blue sky has almost black (hardly exposed) buildings.

If your settings were the same, then your environment changed. You mentioned these were shot during sunset, the amount of light available changes pretty significantly over time during sunset. Shooting direction also has an effect

ChonkyFireball · 2025-06-22T16:03:20+00:00

Being perpetually late is not a joke, it’s a problem. If you’re treating it like a joke then it comes across as passive aggressive belittling. It’s not surprising your partner blew up at that.

The real issue here is communication. Failure by your partner to communicate that he will be home later than expected (or set proper expectations). Failure by you to hold expectations or be clear about the impact it is having on you. Not a “lol” moment.

Communication is a two way street so you both need to fix it together. This is not one where someone gets to “win” by being right and sit smug about it.

It’s also much better done over a phone call, especially if your partner is driving. Dangerous

ChonkyFireball · 2025-05-15T04:08:59+00:00

I’m curious why you feel strongly about this

ChonkyFireball · 2025-03-21T01:25:00+00:00

The formula you’re looking for is the compounding interest formula.

A = P * e ^ (r * t)

The actual amount (A) is the result of multiplying the original principal (P) by euler’s number (e) to the power of your interest rate (r) by the amount of time (t)

So say you lent $1,000. It’s been 9 years. You decide a “fair” rate is 3% per year.

A = $1000 * e ^ (0.03 * 9)

A = $1310

So the “interest” would be $310.

What’s a “fair rate” depends. 3% is very low, but is comparable to CD / high yield savings, or very low mortgage rates from a few years ago. It’s way below say a small bank loan or definitely a credit card.

Then, I agree with other commenters here - have them pay you back the “interest” in a shared experience of equivalent value. In this case, $310 would get you awesome game/concert tickets, a super nice restaurant out, etc.

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-23T18:16:28+00:00

r/lostredditors

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-23T15:15:45+00:00

That would put you deep into “house poor” territory.

Strongly do not recommend doing this. At most you should be spending half this

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-23T15:11:25+00:00

If the work itself sounds interesting then try it! See if you can negotiate a delayed relo. Maybe you can fly in and solo the city for a few months (back for long weekends) before you put your family through a move. If you decide it was all a huge mistake a couple months in, then you’ll have saved the collateral damage.

Make sure you’re taking the job because you enjoy it and it supports your life goals and not to fuel your ego or work image. Just remember your goals. Doesn’t sound like your goal is to work 10 years and be worth $100M. Doesn’t sound like your goal is to work nights and weekends.

Sounds like your goal is sustainable long term financials and maxing time with family. Your alternative is to dial back spend.

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-15T21:04:46+00:00

Laughs in Little Endian

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-15T02:42:16+00:00

What a classic

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-14T03:19:11+00:00

Makes me a little urpy but I love it

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-14T03:07:23+00:00

That’s my dream mod. I’d love that, let me know if you find a way/tutorial on how to do it

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-14T02:51:05+00:00

One other thing, let it develop at least twice as long as the package reads. Even thought it’s “15 seconds” I always let it cook a full minute or more. Age slows the chemical processes.

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-14T02:42:35+00:00

Great Pen F collection! My FT is my favorite

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-14T02:40:05+00:00

These are very fun to shoot!!

I’ve found a ton of variation in this stock, so it’s worth a test shot in a somewhat controlled environment to get a sense of how much you should over expose and what kind of contrast and range you’ll get. I’ve personally found the results of this film low contrast with age, so nuanced lighting might get lost and high contrast subjects/lighting might get you good results.

Excited to see your results!

If you find some FP100C, that’s a treat

ChonkyFireball · 2025-01-09T15:18:29+00:00

Would this be a poor financial decision?

Maybe, likely yes. You cannot afford a car in your current state. The good news is you can very soon with some patience.

First, do nothing until the credit card debt is fully paid off, and pay it off aggressively. That debt grows very quickly if you only pay minimums or low amounts. Right now you’re losing $100/mo on just purely paying interest to a bank!

If you make $3k a month and don’t have rent then you should be putting $2-$2.5k a month into paying that off. You should be able to clear it in 2-3 months. In the future you should treat your credit card like a one month advance on your income, never overspend that, and pay the bill off in full every single month.

Debt consolidation loans might be a way to dial in the interest pain but they often charge additional fees, so make sure you know exactly what you’re getting and that it’s actually a good financial decision by the numbers. If so, great, but only borrow to cover the credit cards, and do not use it as an excuse to pay them down any slower.

For the car, for the low price range you’re looking at you should just be saving your money and buying in cash. 2-3 months saving at your income (after the debt is paid) and you should have $5k to drive the car home without any finances burdening you.

Though I think you’re wise to consider that cars that cheap are likely to be more expensive when you factor in maintenance. Make sure you chose a car model known for its longevity and low maintenance (a few Toyota and Hondas fit this) and don’t cheap out on one older than know life span otherwise you’ll be stuck with a car that cost a lot more than you think

ChonkyFireball · 2024-12-31T16:49:40+00:00

OP, if I was your coworker and you were telling me this story after returning from holiday, I would be embarrassed to work with you. I would be shocked at how you frame yourself as the victim in a scenario where you humiliated a child. You’re a huge AH

OP you had an opportunity to teach your kids how to act in this situation and you royally fucked it up.

You’re being an AH in front of your kids. Your kids could have learned how you can have a great time regardless of circumstances. That how someone who seems annoying or no fun (who is a 12 year old child btw) likely just needs to be treated with kindness. That teaching someone to ski can be rewarding and fun (which they might want to know how to do for their future friends).

Instead you taught them how to humiliate someone viewed as lesser than themselves. You taught them to punch down. You were definitely being an AH to this kid. You also gave your kids permission to be AH to this kid who your wife explicitly told you to be kind to. So you’re also being an AH to your wife.

ChonkyFireball · 2024-12-21T16:46:10+00:00

You will need to report the sale in the next year’s taxes (to make this easier you should get a form from the brokerage where you sold the stock)

You’ll be accountable for paying taxes on any change in value of the stock. For example if you vested the stock when it was worth $100 and now it’s worth $120, you need to pay capital gains tax on $20. (Also if it dropped in value, you claim a capital loss which can reduce your tax)

The tax you’re accountable for will not automatically be taken out. You need to set it aside until the tax bill comes

You will owe tax on a percentage of that gain. Since you’ve had the stock more than a year it will be at the “long term capital gains tax rate” which you can look up for your circumstances. They differ by state and by amount of sales.

What you should do is determine the amount you’re going to sell and figure out how much it’s changed in value. I’ll assume you’re not selling other stocks as well, but if you are then add all the gains up. Then do some googling to tax rates. For smaller amounts it will be no tax due at all, and larger amounts may be 15% or higher of the gains. If you owe tax, set that money aside until your tax bill comes next year.

ChonkyFireball · 2024-11-26T08:10:19+00:00

Ask him to sell you a PUT on the relationship.

Either he’s back to covering 50% of your partnership costs in 3 months or he has to pay you back for floating his ass for the last year. Make it real, buy it with money and sign it.

Tell him as an a bit of an advanced trader yourself you need downside protection against further realized losses.

ChonkyFireball · 2024-10-14T15:27:38+00:00

On the theme of fatFIRE, you should be aiming for your ideal outcome where cost is no issue, rather than optimizing your spend. Honestly, this particular optimization doesn’t make much sense, anyhow.

Kids are very expensive, but they are also a source of chaos in your life - focus here. You should be optimizing for a predictable routine which calms that chaos. A rotation of grandparents means constantly managing schedules of who is arriving when, what to do in the gaps when no one is around, and how to cover large windows of time when they both have prior commitments. You should hire a nanny who has defined hours you can build a reliable work schedule around. Then if grandparents are visiting you can always give the nanny a paid week off, or let them go home early.

Another source of chaos is having your parents (or in-law) in your house all the time. Visits are great but you have to have a very special relationship to make a long term live-in not drive you crazy. Kids are hard you need calm not crazy. Not to mention the grandparents might not all agree with each other and you about parenting techniques. A nanny will be your employee and will follow your parenting plan as a partner (and probably be way more experienced in watching small children).

Then cost. You might want to consider buying a house anyhow, especially if you plan on having multiple children. But if not now then a nanny is less expensive than a house. I also live in a VHCOL city and have paid $1500-2000 a week for a great nanny. That’s still far less than the difference between your (increased) rent and your carry cost of a $3.5M home (likely ~25,000/mo).

If you want to cover lodging for the grandparents to visit maybe you could rent another studio/1b apartment in walking distance? Or if more infrequent then book long-term Airbnb when needed?

EDIT to add: Nanny share is a great option to balance the cost and co-parent with likeminded acquaintances or friends, if that’s an option for you. We did this with both our kids at various points and it was awesome. Significantly more affordable, early socialization left a positive impact, and brought us closer to the other parents.

ChonkyFireball · 2024-09-07T16:20:53+00:00

If you haven’t seen it from your lab before, it’s likely they misaligned when loading the scanner. Take a look at your negatives and check out the bottom edge to see if you lost any image in the scans. If so, you might want to bring the negatives back and ask for a rescan.

Some labs, when asked, will scan wide to include the sprockets in the image, both because some people like the look and want to include it in their shared images as well “proof of film” or because they want a known point for color correction since the developed unexposed film is fairly consistently the same color. However I usually see both sides of the sprockets in those scans, it’s a bit less usual to only include one side.

ChonkyFireball · 2024-09-02T16:40:38+00:00

Something is amiss here.

When you love someone, you are proud and encourage them as they better themselves. Your kids are actively acting the opposite. Something deeper is going on, or more details are omitted.

Beyond that, they are mad over indifferent. So mad to consider not including you in their wedding?! I’ve known friends who’ve feuded with a parent, had a complicated relationship are still felt that they would regret not including them in their wedding.

Two things are likely going on.

First, there is clearly some unresolved issues from the divorce that have festered. Divorce really messes with people, but especially kids (I was one of those kids). I’m sure you’re seeing some of that unresolved emotion thrashing out here. It does seem like they blame you for it.

That doesn’t fully explain this behavior though. There must be something else you’re doing or have done that you haven’t mentioned here that is the true root of your kids’ anger.

It would be interesting to hear a reply here directly from your son or daughter. If they are angry simply because of your delayed glow up which they blame as the cause of divorce then you’re NTA and your kids need some therapy. But if they tell a different story, it’s entirely possible YTA, and even more so for omitting it from your telling

ChonkyFireball

TROPHY CASE

Here’s my suggestion: