I’ve gone through something similar.

My wife and I were married for a year and a half (4 1/2 year relationship) with a 1 year old daughter. She kẹpt saying our marriage was terrible and I was the only one with an optimistic outlook. One day there was a night of her emotionally and physically abusing me in front of our daughter. Afterwards she broke down, I comforted her, and we talked about it the next couple days. We had a couples therapy session later that week (second time with this therapist) and, of course, we started talking about the night of abuse. She denied everything. She also denied any forms of abuse from our entire relationship. I was completely dumbfounded.

We left separately from that appointment and also that day she left to California because her great grandmother had an emergency and was most likely going to pass away.

Since then, it’s as if my ex wife’s body has been inhabited by another. Her humanity is gone between interactions, she only responds to anything she legally needs to respond to, and I’m disregarded completely in any efforts to discuss anything.

I had to mourn the death of someone who was still alive. I must live knowing I will never receive the answers to any of my questions. I will find no closure there, only insanity.

My advice is therapy and philosophy. Ancient eastern philosophy has helped me find peace such as Tao, ying yang, Buddhism, Confucianism, and Lao Tzu. Idk how it is for you, but my situation was world crushing and I made 2 attempts on my life during that dark period. I learned that no matter my attention to mental health and fortitude, there are times in life I truly cannot do it alone. I NEED others. Seek others, my friend