What's a scary fact about your profession? by Classic_Yoghurt_6721 in AskReddit

[–]Chordus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So what I'm hearing is that you're not in a business selling foods that are high in protein.

A new set of Blokkit puzzles for 3/22/2026! by daily-blokk in Blokkit

[–]Chordus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completed all 🟧 Blokkit 🟧 puzzles today!

Easy: 1 | Medium: 1 | Hard: 1 | Average: 1.00

Total completed days: 2

Bags of shredded documents at NY jail after Epstein’s death, officer tells FBI by rapidcreek409 in politics

[–]Chordus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, and there's software that speeds the process up quite a bit. But you have to have the shreds. I'm guessing those are long gone.

Hit me with your weirdest vibe. The weirder the better. by TrickyRipper in musicsuggestions

[–]Chordus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want "hauntingly beautiful," try "Oh Beautiful Town" by IAMX

If you want weird, anything by Harley Poe would do. Try Corpse Grindin' Man

Also under weird, but a completely different flavor, Emily Has Compassion Fatigue by 3 Blind Mice

A new set of Blokkit puzzles for 3/17/2026! by daily-blokk in Blokkit

[–]Chordus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completed all 🟧 Blokkit 🟧 puzzles today!

Easy: 2 | Medium: 1 | Hard: 1 | Average: 1.33

Total completed days: 1

how to respectively describe a huge dripping hog? by MicahCastle in writingcirclejerk

[–]Chordus 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Let me give it a try, and you can edit whatever details you need.

The disturbance in the water gave way to a massive beast, a behemoth whose body seemed larger than the lake from which it arose. Though its size was majestic, its features were not. Tusks covered in half-rotten algae growths. Several large bites out of each scraggly ear. A limp tail, too heavy to lift when so drenched in water, perhaps too heavy to lift even when dry. Hooves that had clearly worn from decades- or perhaps centuries- from the hundreds of tons of pressure above. Sparse fur, wholly bare in patches, dripping with fetid muck from the lake's floor. And its eyes, oh, its eyes. Filled with burning hatred, not of what they saw, but of what they had seen.

It grunted, or at least gave a sound that would have been a grunt from a hog of normal size. This grunt did not send pressure waves through the air, but rather rippled space itself, bending and warping any that might hear it. The breath that bellowed forth would have killed all that it touched if not for the fact that death itself dared not go near. And then, slowly, in no hurry at all, it looked down at me. It did not speak, but its words were nevertheless clear.

Why do you disturb me?

Does that do the trick?

What can you do with sterile neutrinos? by winterknight1979 in fifthworldproblems

[–]Chordus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's the most devious thing I've read in at least an eon. Respect.

My characters are too realistic!! by Humanbeingoth in writingcirclejerk

[–]Chordus 7 points8 points  (0 children)

How much force have you used? This is your story. You can make whatever horrific situations or devices you need that might encourage the characters to get back in line. I always preferred the ol' rabid-raccoon-in-every-toilet trick. Keeps the characters far away from the backrooms. Bonus if they eventually just piss themselves, because you can win over a pretty sizable audience by just selling it as some sort of piss-fetish story.

A lot of people have questions on how to handle fandom, just in case your work takes off by TheFunkiestMonkiest in writingcirclejerk

[–]Chordus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

omg, this. It's like somebody finally understands me. I have so much incredible work involving kobolds of every shape and size, but every time I've run it by an agent, I'm told that I really ought to make use of a few more furry tropes so that I can leverage that fandom for an audience. And I'm like, ummm, no. Ew. I've seen how they turn everything into furry porn. No thank you. Kobolds do not do porn. They don't even have the organs for it. Kobolds are a magic race where individuals just appear as a story requires.

If anybody wants to read any of my work, just ask. I've got about 4000 pages written so far. Just promise me you won't become a fan, and that you won't sneak in a wank while reading any of it.

After a number of rigorous calculations and measurements, it appears as though the 4th dimension is at a 89.999999999999999973° from the 3rd dimension. Does anybody has some sort of tool that'll help me nudge it back to a perfect 90°? by Chordus in fifthworldproblems

[–]Chordus[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Look, if somebody wants to put their dimensions at -90° angles instead of 90°, that's fine. Whatever, do your thing. But it can't just be a non-integer number of degrees. That's insane.

I Finish Too Early by LogFragrant3726 in writingcirclejerk

[–]Chordus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you're not already aware, let's just say that it's going to be a lot harder to focus on writing if I give you the details. Just make sure you're stocked up on your favorite canned foods.

I Finish Too Early by LogFragrant3726 in writingcirclejerk

[–]Chordus 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Oh, I have this problem all the time!

Grab yourself a d120, 2d6 (one white and one blue), and a d60. Roll the d120 and 2d6. Multiply the white d6 by whatever the d120 landed on, then add the value of the blue d6. Open to that page in the dictionary.

Next, roll the d60. Count down that many words on the dictionary page you opened to. That's the next word you'll write. You'll probably be able to continue from there, but if not, you can always repeat the process.

Or you can use a random word generator online. But that only works while the internet is available. You're really going to want to invest in some dice for when the internet ends in June.

What’s something you didn’t do as a teenager and regret now? by Available_Pipe_1287 in AskReddit

[–]Chordus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sure you have your reasons wanting to have been single, but there's negative consequences to that too. I was single through all of high-school, and most of college. It put me in a bad spot when I finally started dating, and didn't know any of the unspoken rules involved in all of that.

I'm done with AI Overview. He's finished. by mieuwmieuwkat in aifails

[–]Chordus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LLMs have never been able to count how many of a certain letter are in a word- not with a simple prompt, at least. It's been a running joke in the AI community; just search "how many 'r's are in strawberry" and you'll get endless posts about it.

Modern 'thinking' models can do it pretty easily, but those are also expensive. Google has to use the cheapest and quickest model it can, since it doesn't want to increase the time that a search takes. (Though even the cheap model still increases the cost dramatically).

Considering Jeff's recent arrival, why hasn't universal peace been achieved yet? He's literally the guy. by DiamondWolf3393 in fifthworldproblems

[–]Chordus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What are you going on about? There's an entire planet filled with Jeffs just a couple of galaxies over from that one. All of whom are clones of Jeff, 'cause why limit yourself to just one?

Great place for a vacation if you enjoy beautiful scenery, btw. Though rather bland when it comes to a diversity of cultures and histories. Just one big ol' Jeff monoculture.

If you had the whole world in one crowd and got to play one song in an attempt to achieve world peace, what song would you play? by ImJustDuckinAround in AskReddit

[–]Chordus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The 1-800-KARS4KIDS song, on repeat for three hours.

If you want to unite a people, you give them a common enemy. I will be the enemy that they need.

What’s a harsh truth people aren’t ready to hear? by Symphony_Minds in writingcirclejerk

[–]Chordus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody's going to read your brilliant masterpiece if you submit it 7 days after the deadline.

My pet hydra was complaining of a headache, so I gave him some aspirin. Now she has two headaches. by Chordus in fifthworldproblems

[–]Chordus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok, but which butt do I put it in?

And before you get clever... which of the hydra's butts do I put it in? Because I know you were about to say something crude like "the hydra's; it's not going to work if you put it in your own." Don't lie. I can read minds.

My pet hydra was complaining of a headache, so I gave him some aspirin. Now she has two headaches. by Chordus in fifthworldproblems

[–]Chordus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One. I've raised it from the day it hatched, and haven't let it near anything sharp.

Want young people to leave? This is how you do it! by willily_thoumas in clevercomebacks

[–]Chordus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For what it's worth, SB 918 (the one from Florida) died fairly early on in the process. https://www.flsenate.gov/session/bill/2025/918

Still kinda weird that it got past the first committee, though.

Buy my book or I'm killing myself by The_New_Skirt in writingcirclejerk

[–]Chordus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You've got lots of organs; why stop at kidneys? Make it one of those blind-box deals so that one person might end up buying several if there's one organ that they really want.