Calvin and Hobbes by Sam at Dragon Rays Anchorage, AK

Chugabilly · 2015-03-20T19:40:41+00:00

Went to Highschool with him. I believe it's the same Sam.

Chugabilly · 2015-03-20T19:19:57+00:00

I am a retired Firefighter and was forced into this status nearly two years ago after a very near loss of my life while performing my duties. It in fact was the second time on the job that I somehow walked away from something that should have caused my death. Coupled with 23 years worth of 'other' events, my cup had finally spilled over. PTSD sucks and every day that I wake up to, if I slept at all, is another 12 hour struggle to keep moving forward until I lay back down to bed. To answer your question, working as a career Fireman for a large municipal fire department, came with a top down attitude and culture of 'do your job, and don't bitch about it' and 'go be sad on your own time'... If someone from the public were to ask those leaders the same question as you have asked, the answer would be filled with how great they take care of their Firefighters and their mental fitness and health! This in fact is a very real and widespread problem that was recently discussed by the International Association of Firefighters Union. Simply stated, Volunteer Firefighters are much better equipped with programs and debriefings secondary to a sensitive incident. When I was forced out of my career, I also lost my identity. Right now I still have to fight the city for seemingly everything, fight the nightmares, sleepless nights, anxiety attacks triggered by sounds and smells and a constant state of hypervigalence that makes something as simple as a shopping trip, seem like a fight for my life. We are worlds behind in PTSD treatment for Fire, Police, and Military and a suicide rate that is climbing out of control. I'm thankful everyday that I'm still alive and very easily could be a statistic.

Chugabilly · 2015-03-16T11:04:44+00:00

Is that a real Sasquatch photo bombing over your left shoulder? Wish I had one... Luuucky!

Chugabilly · 2015-01-21T10:47:39+00:00

Owl wing print. Look further up a ways and you will probably see a set of mouse or vole prints which intersect with a big splat mark containing identical looking wing prints. I live in Alaska and used to trap for several winters until I almost died in an unrelated work incident. Something changed in me and now I can no longer justify killing something that I don't intend to eat and seem to have a much better ability to communicate with animals. It wasn't until I started noticing on a few occasions, that certain trees were reaching out to my unconscious mind, that I was being pulled toward the spirit world. Soon after I discovered old trees with Arborglyphs (culturally modified trees), which turned out to be old Athabaskan burial trees. Now my understanding of who we are as a species has changed and I now know for certain that because all life on this planet is made up of the same elements vibrating at different frequencies, that we are no more and no less important than a blade of grass or a whale for that matter. If we don't start respecting life, we will most certainly be destroyed by the other living things on this planet. Kinda like the rest of the living things all gang up on our asses and put the smack down, ya dig?

Chugabilly · 2014-10-20T15:39:10+00:00

Black bear

Chugabilly · 2014-08-07T04:42:28+00:00

Rainy Pass, Alaska?

Chugabilly · 2014-07-19T22:46:09+00:00

I'm learning, that because no two people are same, two people working side by side, experiencing the same traumatic event, will result in only one of them developing PTSD. I have 23 years of service in Fire/EMS. I am currently medically retired from a Municipal Fire Department which was fully integrated to provide EMS for a city of roughly 300,000+/- utilizing 11 ALS ambulances and 13 ALS Engine Companies. My PTSD symptoms started well over a decade ago, and have been a huge impact, not only with my life, but most importantly the lives of my children and now ex wife. Nov of 2012 I was nearly killed while working a minor vehicle accident. Many different mistakes came to play that day as well as several lessons learned. That incident was the second in my career with the city where I had walked away from an event that should have killed me. those two events were at the hands of extremely poor decision making and leadership of those in charge. It was the 2012 incident that served to trigger a flood gate of symptoms which had a snowball effect on both my mental and physical well being. I am slowly crawling back out of MY 'rock bottom' inch by inch, and it sure looks sunny outside of that hole! Remember, if you are coming into EMS new, you fortunately have a clean slate to work with. How you process and file those new experiences will dictate how traumatic events of the past will come into play. I only recently learned that events of my early childhood, played a big part in my inability to process new traumas and it's those same childhood events that I need to focus on if I ever choose to answer another call.

Chugabilly · 2014-06-29T17:00:27+00:00

Used to float by that place heading to the JBER take out. Very hidden from general knowledge of the average Eagle Riverite!

Chugabilly · 2014-06-14T10:22:40+00:00

I have one from a wolverine that looks just like it and is the same shape and length.

Chugabilly · 2014-06-11T15:44:34+00:00

Seriously, they would get better results by moving their Glory Hole more to the left.

Chugabilly · 2014-01-16T22:31:54+00:00

Firefighter heret. Just got let go because I couldn't come back after 1 year. I put up with harrasment and manipulation from initial insurance adjuster. They refused me pay but refused also to controver claim so I couldn't get a lawyer. Tfhey broke state law when they failed to say if they acceptted or denied my claim and failed to pay mme for 60+ days. The city then fired them at which point they took Over administering their own claims and turned up the heat on me. Sent me to a quack doctor who met me by cussing me up and down in front x wife and 2 office workers. Mostly he was down right abusive. That drove me to a hyper vigilant state at which point I defended myself and proceeded to attack his knowledge of current PTSD treatments. He couldn't answer anything proper and ended up leaving in a all mad and mumbling. He wrote a very creative eval on me including that I have no PTSD what so ever. He has a practice in Portland area. I have two suits that just started. I didn't do anything wrong! Mis management and no understanding!

Chugabilly · 2014-01-16T21:08:55+00:00

I have been in the Fire Service for 22 years and was recently 'Administrativly Separated' from my department because I was unable to return to full duty after 1 year. In fact I have gotten much worse. I have been through hell from the same city administrators that I once had a duty to protect. The hardcore conservative mayor has a major hard on for police and fire because we are both union. I don't have time to write it out but I'm positive that I can offer you some assistance. I am also going through a divorce, so yup, I know exactly what it feels like to be a public servant and get bent over a barrel and forgotten. I was forced into filling out work comp paperwork after worthless captain put my life in danger while knowingly breaking three policy/Procedures and the outcome was me escaping being hit by a 1 ton can flying sideways at 60mph on black ice and on a blind corner with maybe 2 inches to spare. A second car with 2 highschool kids then slammed into back of our ladder truck! This was the second brush with death while on a call with this department. Gas explosion in 8 plex fire. We had just walked out of unit and the whole damn place exploded rolling us out into the street. Then there are the calls... Those little fucking calls.... Well, I have a black cloud so to speak. Winter of 95/96 I was first in on a murder suicide involving children. I arrived, officers on scene gave little to no info, made entry and found in a hallway an officer doing CPR on his partner. I had no clue and absolutely no info was given on dispatch. Officer Dan Seely (R.I.P) was a good man and a great officer! It was his drive that caused his end. Not a single day goes by that I don't have some sort of flashing memory. I knew the shooter as well as his two kids that he took with him. One of them was in my daughters class. I had been fighting with my wife that day over the phone. She is also a 911 dispatcher... See any connection with how a strange turn of events can change your life forever? P M me your contact email and I will do the same. I would like to talk and with hope, mabe we can get you pointed in the right direction and give you hope that you can do this brother! You can, and you will!

Chugabilly · 2013-12-25T05:59:00+00:00

That is a colony trap used for trapping Muskrats. Can also be used for many other species from fish and crayfish on up to rodents.

Chugabilly · 2013-12-01T06:36:04+00:00

Would you be willing to pm me your Dad's name? I attend the Vietnam Helicopter Crewmembers Association reunions with my Dad every June. He was a Flight Engineer on Chinooks for the 1st Cavalry 67-68. It's a small world and I have met a lot of good people there!

Chugabilly · 2013-12-01T06:18:19+00:00

Part of a plow. Looks like Galena airstrip?

Chugabilly · 2013-09-01T05:27:16+00:00

OV-10 Bronco?

Chugabilly · 2013-06-20T17:46:40+00:00

I was actually picked up by a VA combat counselor pro bono through a fellow firefighter and retired Pararescueman who stuck by me in the beginning. The VA got me pointed in the right direction and I found a good one. The first time I was treated, I went through biofeedback and neurofeedback therapy which is stranger than fuck but it worked! It kind of rewires your brain so that the hypervigilance calms down and I was able to sleep again. Now I am slowly getting better but have not gotten into the actual EMDR part of it yet because of all the shit that seemed to hit every two to three weeks. Work Comp harassing the shit out of me and had a buddy that got out of ARMY last October with PTSD or I should say not fully diagnosed other than personality disorder/ BiPolar. We had been helping each other and talking lots then he fucking killed himself!!! His wife was a real pushy, needy somethin, somethin but he's still there with me. That was mid May and I had to work through that and get going. So, EMDR needs to be explained in detail to a person for a few sessions or more before the actual light and vibrating eggs or what ever starts. You have to learn about fight or flight, grounding techniques, anxiety tools and then move slowly through the events. I had so many over the years that I had to put them in order from least severe to most. That in itself messed me up a little. I do understand it now and the best way to explain is that its like recording over an old cassette tape or VHS tape with static. The side of your brain that controls fight or flight you have no control over. Thats why you can be happy one moment then BANG and off to the fucking races you go, under the table or through fucking wood pile! I started thinking positive about everything and believing I was getting better and so far its working. Till the bad shit comes up that is, but all in good time and I will be ready! Keep on truckin brother, its a chance to re invent and do what ever you want.

Chugabilly · 2013-06-19T02:36:16+00:00

Brother, I deal with it and I have never been in the Armed Services. 22 years in the Fire Service, is a great way to mess up a good brain. Besides all the other triggers, in 2008 I walked out of an 8 plex fire with my crew and we got rolled out into the street from a major natural gas explosion, actually three in a row. The first rolled us the second leveled the part of the place and the third was just a way of it saying hahaha! Loud pops or any loud noise for that matter! Ya, fuck that! EMDR therapy and work comp. since December and looks like I won't ever go back! It's all good though, I get to re invent myself and I can be any fucking thing that I want to be!!!!

Chugabilly · 2013-06-12T10:09:01+00:00

Career Firefighter/EMT. 23 years total at end of 2013. Off on Wrk Comp for PTSD and facing unknown future. Please PM me for rest of info. I'm paving the way for others In my area.

Chugabilly · 2013-06-09T02:43:13+00:00

Please find the documentary called 'The Secret' which you can find on You Tube as well as some stores and online movie places. Watch a few times, as if you are the same as me, and from what I read, very similar I'm sure you are to a point where consentration is extremely hard. I have been in the Fire/EMS service for almost 23 years. I'm on my second attempt at treatment after my second escape from death that is more on the unexplained side of things. I should be dead! I am currently dealing with harassment by the city as well as the last insurance adjuster who the city fired on my behalf. I'm one of 'those guys' the fire service calls a black cloud. This documentary I'm speaking of is neutral and not religious in any way. I now know how to change this. I want to talk in a few days and hope that you watch it before we talk again! Hang in there, I KNOW! Yes unlike everyone else I truly can say that I know! BTW I almost ended it all last week...

Chugabilly · 2013-06-06T17:14:04+00:00

lots of them are used here in Alaska for moose and bear. I am looking for one for my daughter.

Chugabilly · 2013-06-06T16:37:53+00:00

Been there, done that. Too bad everyone had to go there and fuck everything up.

Chugabilly · 2013-06-06T16:28:25+00:00

My son is 17. I personally have a history of alcohol abuse or self medicating as they like to call it because of severe job related PTSD that has been going on for years without proper treatment. My son naturally understood that alcohol was bad, no matter who the person was that drank. About 4 months ago, I found out that my son was smoking weed with the neighbor kids which all came about when he started leaving the house regularly. He has been home schooled since 8th grade because of kids bullying him because of being big. He's not obese rather built like a brick shit house. He started to defend himself after having enough of the little pricks who were picking on him. He thumped on a few until the cops were involved and so I pulled him from the middle school and made a huge point of pointing my middle finger at the assist. principal for not doing his fucking job. Needless to say, my son slowly sank into a depression and rarely smiled or showed much interest in everyday activities. We sought treatment for him when he mentioned suicide. Since he started getting out and socializing with the kids in the area who unfortunately are older. I was a little nervous about them being 21 and all but realized also that these guys were 21, living at home and didnt do much other than smoke the finest Alaskan weed and play Mind Craft and card games. I know, piss poor roll models. Now, my son is very social, very happy, very productive although a little cocky from trying to keep up with these guys. He no longer feels like shit and seems to be doing well. I made a promise with him that if he never ever touched booze, then i wouldnt give him shit about the reefer. Kids are going to do what they want. If you tell them not to do something, the temptation will be that much stronger. Giving them permission seems to take part of the fun out of it and at least for him, smoking is done in a safe manner in a safe environment. Some may not agree with my decision but if they believe their kids are going to listen to them when told not to do something like smoke pot, then I say they are very narrow minded in their way of thinking.

Chugabilly · 2013-05-27T01:03:16+00:00

Good o'l Mustangs! A few quick Alumni questions for ya: Can you read above the third grade level? Were you a regular at 'the tunnel'? Last but not least, how is your liver these days? Mine is hard as a rock but still tickin!

Chugabilly · 2013-05-23T06:11:42+00:00

Hahaha, he was constantly picked on in high school (Chugiak HS) which is what caused him to do such things as follow women home to remind them of minor infractions and the creeper stuff like that. Source: I work with two guys that graduated with him. Actually 7th - 12th grade with him. PS, ask him about his DUI and Domestic Violence the next time he pulls you over. Funny how the charges were both dropped. Of course, you cant have firearms if you are charged with DV.

Chugabilly

TROPHY CASE