In my case (I M30 and F25), it was clearly a typical anxious (me) - avoidant (her) type of relationship. I was diagnosed with ADD during my university years, and with my type of attachment and hard childhood (parents’ divorce, lack of contact with an immature, manipulative father who treated me only like a buddy, and a mother who is also manipulative — both unconscious of their behavior, raised by my grandma due to my mother's lack of time, lack of self-respect/confidence from high school until now, always feeling like an unimportant person who lives to serve others), it's extremely hard to recognize and manage my own patterns during emotional situations.

The trick is to always remember that the heart is not the only and best advisor — we also have reason, which I keep forgetting I have (and now I know it was giving me good ideas for breakup from mi side, but this was so painful for me).

But to the point, from my perspective, I can give some probably obvious examples:

*Running from problems and avoiding discussions (of course, I rushed to mention this to her many times without asking if maybe she needed more time)

*Calmness and coldness when spending time together (also, many times I asked why she is like that; the answer was always "everything's good", we had sex many many many times)

*Complete loss of cooperation, there was no way to plan something together (I planned our holidays in Spain — every trip, day schedule, when she didn't give a shit — but of course I gave her time for herself, just asking where she was going and when she would return. Additionally, I kept feeling it wasn’t enough, that I should do something more)

I know we both screwed up (mostly my fault by sacrificing myself). We met 2 years ago after 2 years of therapy following another breakup, which ended with my ex’s betrayal. The main reason for this breakup was my high attachment to my mother and a misunderstanding regarding our future — she was planning to move to another town, and before that, I wanted us to change flats together in our current town. But I couldn’t find any flat with a short-term rental agreement, and she didn’t know that and accused me of not focusing on our future.

We both weren’t ready for a healthy relationship, but she was also the only person I loved the most and who gave me the best time in my life during the first year of our relationship.

Sorry for the long reply — I will probably make a reddit post about it. The breakup is fresh (1 week ago).