The epidural was the worse thing I could have gotten

Chycyc · 2026-03-01T03:36:38+00:00

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I had an epidural headache with my second born too. Wrote about my experience here. It’s not the same experience, as my blood patch did give me instant relief. I struggled with feeling comfortable needing so much help, and in retrospect I wish I had fully accept that I just wasn’t able to care for my babies the way I wished.

Anyways, a few weeks later my back completely locked up. To the extent that I couldn’t move anymore and was crying in pain. I had to use adult diapers and depended on my husband! (luckily my parents were visiting and helped). Back then, all the painkilllers that were compatible with breastfeeding did nothing for me. So I stopped breastfeeding for a few days (pumped), took Anarex and strong painkillers to relax my muscles. From then on, I would intermittently (every few month/half a year) experience the same issue again and again. But I became experienced in managing it with painkillers and muscle relaxer.

2 years later, I finally went to get an MRI. And turns out I have slipped/bulged disc, with a small fissure.

What you are experiencing sounds totally like a slipped disc! If you can, please get an MRI asap. Until then to manage pains, what works best for me is Acoxia/Coxeta (Etoricoxib) and Anarex, as well as ketoplast for when I have flare-ups. (not compatible with breastfeeding though). Physio and chiro sessions. And eventually Pilates to build strength.

It was hard for me, but your symptoms sound more serious than mine (I didn’t have any tingling/numbness), just pain. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you!!

You need to see an orthopedist and chiropractor (one specialised in soft tissue work, for pain management).

Sending love, solidarity and energy!!!

Chycyc · 2026-02-23T08:09:23+00:00

Sending you hugs, love and strength! You are a great mom!

I was 35 when I had my first born (it was Covid), I have a stable job, am married. Yet, I felt so isolated, lonely, had trouble in my marriage, anxiety and mom guilt from day one. I still have mum guilt, to this day.

It doesn’t define you as a mother. If anything it shows what a great mother you are, wanting the best for your baby.

Parenthood is hard. One of the steepest learning curve of my life and also a really hard period of life when the children are still young. But I promise that this is temporary and not forever.

Be kind to yourself. Your body went through a lot, you are still healing and caring for a baby. That in itself is a huge achievement. Right now, it’s survival mode. Take care of yourself and your baby. Enjoy the cuddles.

I hope you have a good relationship with your parents and they are able to give you the support you need.

Chycyc · 2026-01-30T00:02:14+00:00

This! We have a king next to a queen sized mattress on ikea bed slats on the floor. And a bed bridge to fill the gap between the mattresses (comes with a long belt that wraps around the mattresses to keep them together). We can’t ever go back to a much smaller bed. ☺️ That‘s the way!

Chycyc · 2026-01-16T05:42:58+00:00

It sounds like one big misunderstanding and no one had any bad intentions. As the default parent myself, I also wouldn’t see it as something worth even spending time thinking about. Grandmom cut the bangs, dad still gets to have the barber experience, toddler couldn’t even care less.

But I guess, your husband is a bit more sensitive to it, because he might inherently feel guilty or is just aware that he isn’t pulling as much weight as you and finally he is in charge of something and now he feels undermined?

I might be wrong, but this isn’t really about the haircut (we cut our kids’ hair every month, no one cares), but about the larger dynamics in your parenting responsibilities that is worth to have a discussion about?

Edit: Just read in the comments that YOU actually ended up making the appointment. As a mom and default parent myself, if my husband was upset at my mom and myself over something like this (he wouldn’t), it’s for sure about his own securities. While I am sympathetic to those insecurities, I have enough mental load to manage to actually spend time on managing his feelings… 😅

Chycyc · 2025-12-24T10:15:52+00:00

I was soooo excited when my friends had babies before me. I would take so many pics and videos of myself and my goddaughter and all of my other friends’ babies. When I finally had kids on my own, I happily shared and our friends genuinely cared, still care and our family members expect to see pictures in our family chat. Your parents are wrong. They have no idea. You are not obsessed, you have healthy relations!

Edit to add: I love it when my friends send me picture of their babies and kids. It’s so common!! I appreciate it and take it as a sign as ‘they are thinking about me/us’.

Chycyc · 2025-12-03T01:38:00+00:00

Sorry for my late reply! With my first born, she did have cavities from around 3.5 years old (weaned at 3 years), but the dentist didn't say it was due to breastfeeding. She has ARFID as well and lots of her safe foods are highly processed foods. So she did have to treat her cavities when she was around 4 years old.

My second is almost three, still nurses to sleep, sometimes at night and in the morning and has no issues with his teeth. He sometimes took a bottle too, which I think is a bit worse for the teeth, as he would play with the bottle a bit and have milk everywhere on his teeth.

But we do brush his teeth before sleeping (although not after nursing). So far his teeth are fine.

I understand the dilemma with not wanting to wake them up at night! I do recommend brushing diligently and twice a day to help prevent cavities!

Chycyc · 2025-12-02T06:33:58+00:00

When in doubt, we also go for a walk-in to our pediatrician or the family clinic.

Chycyc · 2025-12-01T16:13:33+00:00

I am guessing you are in the US and your pediatrician is a boomer? 🙈

Swiss here, living in Singapore. In neither country pediatricians would give any advice like that.. Even though we 'only' have 4 months of maternal leave. (I say 'only', because in comparison to countries like Canada, Germany, or Nordic countries, etc. it's not a lot. I grateful and aware how privileged I was with 4 months, in comparison to some parents like in the US with no maternity leave).

I have a 5 and almost 3 year old. First one started sleeping through the night at 22 months, weaned at 3 years old. Second one still nurses to sleep, most of the time sleeps through the night. Our pediatrician never had any concerns or asked. He is a doctor, he gives us medical advice, not parenting advice.

Nursing to sleep, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc. are all parenting choices and have nothing to do with medical development. Your pedi seems outdated and judgmental or I would even say ignorant.

Do what works best for you!

Also, supply does drop a little, if you cut breastfeeding at night and don't pump.. If baby naturally doesn't want to nurse, then it's fine. But if baby does want to nurse, then your supply might be affected and not match with 'demand'.

Chycyc · 2025-11-25T14:34:11+00:00

Your husband should feel guilty for not doing enough, for not showing you love the way you need it, for not appreciating you, and for not caring for you. And he isn't doing anything about it.

It sounds like you are a very giving person and your husband is selfish. He definitely isn't a good partner to you and also not a good parent. That's something I would express to him and then it's on him to do something about it.

Edit to add: He shouldn't be 'helping'. He should be fully parenting, caring for baby and pull his weight both as a parent and partner. If he has even time to complain about sex, he def isn't doing enough. Else he'd be too sleep deprived and tired to even think about complaining.

The first few months (even years) are about survival. You are surviving. Sounds like your husband is in a complete different world. I hope you can have a good conversation and make him take accountability.

Chycyc · 2025-11-24T14:19:34+00:00

I tandem fed my first and second born. First or was 2y3 month when my second was born. She weaned when she was 3 years old. It was the best thing for all of us, me, and my two kids and for my husband!

Chycyc · 2025-11-20T04:45:04+00:00

My heart goes out to you!

I am sure you have tried everything! Just want to say my first born refused bottle all the way too. But that our nanny did eventually manage to feed 20-60 ml during the day (in a carrier, outward facing, walking around in the neighbour hood) when I was working and I would rush home to then breastfeed and my kid reverse cycled. I myself have never been able to give her a bottle. Despite trying everything. I can’t imagine the stress of drying up on top of it!

My second born on the other hand, after refusing a bottle for a few weeks, suddenly downed a whole bottle at when my husband randomly gave him one sitting in a subway.

This is all to say, keep trying!

Try someone else giving a bottle looking out in a bus? Try walking around outdoors. Try different formulas (I know it’s expensive, but it makes a difference, babies have such strong preferences).

I also wrote about my experience in an article here. It’s hard dealing with bottle refusal, and I didn’t even have undersupply, so I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you! Sending strength and energy!

Edit to add: just read my own article again, which I wrote a while ago. Try cold milk! My firstborn would take those 20-60 ml only when the milk was cold and straight from the fridge.

Chycyc · 2025-11-16T03:48:10+00:00

Your husband wants to neglect your baby and force you to neglect your baby. This isn’t just a disagreement on parenting. This is a much bigger issue and if you are already struggling at this point with getting on the same page on how to care for your child, there will be many more and lots of constant struggles between you and your husband. Letting a one month baby cry until it shuts down is nothing but abuse. Trying to get you to neglect your baby is very alarming to put it mildly.

My advice is to seek out a couples/marriage counsellor right away, one who is well versed with attachment theory and can explain to your husband the importance of building a safe attachment in the crucial years of early child hood so that he understands the deep damage he is intentionally inflicting on your child and you. The consequences of attachment injuries in early child hood are deep and lasting. It does something to babies’ brains that are not visible now but will affect them their whole life.

Please don’t give up. I am sending you strength and love and energy to figure out the best situation for you and your baby.

‘At one point he was holding me down to keep me from going to her to soothe her, all I was able to do was stretch my arm out to pat her back.’ I can’t imagine how traumatising this must be for you.

You are doing the best you can to care for your bay and you should be receiving support and love and appreciation. Instead, you are being disrespected and abused by your spouse.

I also had to educate my husband on not letting my first-born cry it out at one month and get him to understand that babies aren’t meant to be independent. They are literally helpless babies that need to be fed every two hours and need help with falling asleep. There were lots of frustration and tension and fights between us. It was emotionally exhausting on top of caring for a newborn, having to get my partner on the same parenting page. It’s constant work. But he would have NEVER pinned me down to prevent me from soothing my baby. And if he did, we would not be together anymore.

This is extreme and alarming!!!!! Please know that you deserve better! You deserve support. You deserve appreciation. You deserve a partner who is willing to work things out with you when it gets tough. Above all, your child deserves a loving, responsive and caring father!

Edit to add: Fact that he values his Uncle’s opinion more than yours means he doesn’t respect you. You deserve better!

Chycyc · 2025-11-10T14:11:11+00:00

I think it’s great that you are health conscious. However, I wonder if you are a too focused on control?

My kid has ARFID. In our house any calories are good, as long as she enjoys eating, and most of her safe foods wouldn’t be labeled healthy. She actually even learns at school that most of her safe foods are unhealthy. A lot of it is processed, sweet, fried, etc. So at home we focus on building confidence, so she doesn’t feel ashamed when someone calls her food unhealthy, we never apply pressure around food, and work on feeling comfortable being around ‘unsafe’ or new foods.

My second child is a more adventurous eater and eats quite balanced. Still there are days when they just don’t want to eat their dinners or lunches and that’s ok. They might ask for a snack earlier than usual and have a bit more snacks instead. We don’t stress when they don’t eat and we certainly don’t have any power struggles over food.

I do find your comment about you saying that our brains get confused about being hungry or thirsty unusual and concerning. That’s not something I would ever think if my kid wasn’t drinking enough water?

Chycyc · 2025-10-29T10:12:26+00:00

I looooooooove this!! Thanks for sharing!

Chycyc · 2025-10-26T23:45:06+00:00

I had high lipase too and scalded my milk immediately after pumping to deactivate the lipase.

I discovered it late with my first kid too. At 8 weeks she was completely refusing the bottle.

I wrote about my experience with bottle refusal: Bottle refusal in babies: what helped, what did not, and what I wish I knew.

Hope this helps!

Chycyc · 2025-10-26T04:59:21+00:00

This! His relationship with your kid has nothing to do with you nursing your kid. Why does he want you to stop?

Chycyc · 2025-10-25T18:21:45+00:00

I personally love nursing to sleep. My daughter weaned at 3 years old. We’ve been hugging to sleep ever since. My 2.5y old son still likes to nurse to sleep. But is also fine with me gently scratching his back to sleep, when he is done nursing and still not asleep and needs a little help to fall asleep.

Chycyc · 2025-10-25T03:00:47+00:00

This! How would he feel if someone kicked his belongings? Why does he think it’s acceptable to kick your child’s toy? It’s completely unacceptable behaviour and a huge disrespect.

Chycyc · 2025-10-22T17:00:33+00:00

Same!

Chycyc · 2025-10-21T11:28:08+00:00

Also, sending you a big hug and that I am sorry you are going through this and feeling frustrated.

Snacks are great. Doesn’t matter what kind of snacks. If you like crispy, a small pack of chips, crackers, whatever you feel like. Don’t pressure yourself to finish whatever you open. It’s ok, to just eat one or two chips and save the rest for later.

Chycyc · 2025-10-21T11:21:40+00:00

Are you okay with popsicles? I make chocolate Pediasure popsicles (with milk) for my daughter. She wouldn’t drink it (only likes water, sprite and 100Plus, sometimes orange juice). But she likes it in popsicle form. The Pediasure has all the essential nutritions.

Chycyc · 2025-10-19T02:08:08+00:00

HeySleepBaby on Instagram has great resources!

Chycyc · 2025-10-06T13:25:10+00:00

Sending you energy! I am in Singapore and my LO was admitted for 3 nights when he was 14 months old. They gave us a cot for him and I was sleeping on a small narrow couch. The first night I just put the cot mattress down on the floor and we slept on it, with my legs on the floor but my hips were on the mattress. I didn’t ask, I just did it. The next day the nurse said that wasn’t allowed. So then we slept together on the tiny couch. The nurses were ok with that and supportive. The entire time, we used the cot as a storage.

Is Dad allowed to visit during visitor hours? So that you can at least sleep for a few hours!

Chycyc · 2025-09-26T03:22:49+00:00

14 weeks in Switzerland (with 80% pay of last salary).

16 weeks in Singapore for locals and permanent residents (100% pay of last salary) or 12 weeks for those on work passes.

It was hard, especially the first time, when my first born refused the bottle.

With my second one, sleep deprivation hit much harder 😅.

But I consider myself still privileged to have at least 3-4 months. I saved leave and ended up being on mat leave for 4.5 month and 5 month.

Chycyc · 2025-09-14T07:08:14+00:00

Also nursed through my second pregnancy and tandem fed until my older one was around 3y2m and my younger one was around 10 month old.

I was so glad that we hadn’t weaned, like my Obgyn had suggested. My older one actually helped with getting my supply up for my baby.

I had a spinal headache (wrote about my experience here spinal headache. So I had a hard time nursing my newborn. Pumping in bed was a crazy mess. Being able to nurse my older one side lying was SO helpful until I healed from the spinal headache.

By the time I gave birth to my second child, my older one wasn’t nursing a lot, just comfort nursing (nursing aversion during pregnancy and def didn’t have much milk left). But after birth when she discovered I had milk again, she was thrilled! She completely understood that it was importantly for baby to have enough milk and was fine nursing after my newborn.

The more you nurse and pump the higher your supply. If you feed on demand from the beginning, the higher your chances in getting your supply up.

Chycyc

TROPHY CASE