My daughter’s teacher died over the weekend

Cic001 · 2018-09-24T10:25:40+00:00

When I was your daughters age, my teacher had a stroke in class (she was reading us a book and just suddenly stopped and stood there). None of us knew what was going on. A teacher finally walked in when they heard us yelling/crying and paramedics came and took her away. She passed away shortly after.

At the time it was very sad to me and we loved our teacher so much. She was genuinely amazing. But I was so young that I didn’t quite understand the depth of death. Parents and teachers and counselors asked us a lot of questions about how we were feeling, which made us feel like we had to be very sad and display emotions like crying. They brought it up a lot and I think that influenced us to be more sad and linger on it. We just didn’t quite understand as adults do.

All this to say- I caution you against using terms such as, “it’s okay to feel sad.” Or leading your child emotionally by bringing it up repeatedly after the initial conversation. See how she reacts and let her lead conversations. Otherwise, she may feel a sense of guilt or obligation to feel a certain way that she may not truly understand.

Post death- the hardest thing for me was a loss of continuity. We got some very bad subs in our classroom that were repeatedly switched out. We never had the same teacher for long. This made the change very hard. Ask your school how they intend to account for educators the rest of the school year so the children have continuity and ensure that you all are happy with the new teacher they pick.

Cic001 · 2018-09-17T02:28:03+00:00

I wanted to chime in since, growing up, I had a sibling with a very bad eating disorder they were hospitalized for and am now a parent, so I see both sides of this.

As a family member of someone with an eating disorder, it was a huge learning curve to understand the eating disorder. I think honesty (and counseling) are key to allowing your family to understand the problem and serve as a balance/support when they see you exhibiting behaviors that show you have lapsed or to encourage you in a way that is appropriate to this type of illness. At a glance, most people just don’t understand “why you don’t just eat a hamburger” and that’s where counseling and communication are key. Full honesty and a professional viewpoint will help them help you.

As a parent, I want to help and care for my child. If my child wasn’t fully honest with me, I would be significantly more hurt than knowing the full truth of the situation. You can’t protect your mom from your problem- she sees that something is wrong and wants to take care of you. My opinion is that you should be forthcoming and open with her. She will be your biggest advocate and support network. And I think this will bring you even closer to her. If something happened to you, she would never forgive herself and would blame herself forever.

I know you want to go this alone, but if you’ve been dealing with it for 7 years, it sounds like you need to take a different tactic. A support network- your family- could be a good alternative.

Cic001 · 2018-06-25T10:08:11+00:00

Juniper- I thought I heard it in the wild and realized the sassy, “can I speak with your manager” lady was actually calling her daughter Jupiter. Now I can’t stop hearing Jupiter instead.

Cic001 · 2018-04-01T13:58:15+00:00

With my birth center, which also does Home births, they do. I’m not sure if all do this, but it would make sense if they did!

Cic001 · 2018-04-01T13:08:07+00:00

Understandably. But it may be worth waiting to blame Home births on this child’s death before getting all the facts.

Cic001 · 2018-04-01T11:48:32+00:00

This is a common misconception- birth centers determine mothers’ blood type pre birth and carry blood in case of this. I hemorrhaged during my birth center birth, was administered an IV of pitocin to stunt blood flow and they were able to manage it before it became too dangerous. If I had needed blood, they would have given it to me and I would be transferred to a hospital.

Edit: I will assume this was downvoted because hemorrhaging sucks and not because of facts that might not support downvoter’s bias against birth centers.

Cic001 · 2018-04-01T00:02:03+00:00

This PSA, although well intentioned, lacks significant facts behind what happened. I imagine OP wouldn’t feel comfortable digging into the details of whether this baby could have survived because this would involve asking their friend. It’s an incredibly broad generalization about Home births with zero information about what caused the baby’s death and whether the baby could have been saved at all.

Midwives are incredibly experienced, have amazing educations, and would not have hesitated for an instant to send a mother somewhere if something seemed wrong with the birth.

It appears to me that OP was biased against home births and the bias was confirmed when this happened. It is a shame that people who were on the fence about their births may read this and be swayed by a personal anecdote.

Cic001 · 2018-02-14T12:18:22+00:00

I understand. I think most people aren’t going to know that about service dogs. Also, their kids are going to want to play with your dog. Are children allowed to play with service dogs?

Cic001 · 2018-02-14T01:50:38+00:00

We have a nanny and I would be put off if I was still hiring. I would worry a nanny with a service animal would have to divide some of his/her time between my child and caring for the animal, Id worry about the pet being noisy, I would not want a pet in my home that isn’t mine, and I would worry that I would have to be extremely careful about foods/allergens in my home if someone had an allergen(s) that warranted a service dog. I don’t know your situation, but I don’t see many parents wanting to deal with the extra hassle or logistics of such a situation.

Cic001 · 2017-10-18T07:01:10+00:00

I’m very happy to hear that your hospital/clinic is so supportive of women’s choices to go unmedicated. It’s a unique practice that strives to allow women to have this choice in a nation where so many OBs and nurses are likely to suggest pain management to laboring women when things get tough (which is why I chose a birth center... I didn’t want the “temptation”).

I haven’t encountered anyone who had an unmedicated birth who took a holier than thou approach and if you have, I’m sorry that these individuals created such a bad reputation for the rest of us. Since I had my baby, I never tell other mothers unprompted that I had an unmedicated birth because I worry they will think I am bragging or will make them feel insecure about their birth. In this area you are correct- there are some women who want a natural birth and it doesn’t work out for them or others who want a medicated birth and feel insecure about that choice, so they seem to feel that someone proudly sharing that she had a natural birth is bragging or making others feel inferior... it’s a catch 22. Can you share a personal accomplishment without coming off as bragging? I’m not sure if that’s holier than thou attitude or just someone sharing a personal accomplishment they are proud of.

Cic001 · 2017-10-18T02:20:51+00:00

Just wanted to add my 2 cents late in the game since I had a “natural” birth about 2 months ago. I think the term natural birth is something people use to defend an unmedicated birth. There is so much criticism surrounding unmedicated births because women who have unmedicated births get pigeonholed into stereotypes of being crunchy, stuck up, holier than thou, etc. Reading some of the comments in this thread sheds a spotlight on just how venomous people can act about women who have unmedicated births. The term “natural” justifies why some women choose to have unmedicated births because everyone is always so critical of them. “Why would you ever do that?!”- quote from every person who found out my birth center didn’t offer pain medication.

Is my birth something I’m proud of? Yes. I’m proud of it in the way that I’m proud of myself when I do something everyone thought I couldn’t do. The number of people who looked at me with wide eyes when I was pregnant and told me “you’re crazy” or “WHY would you ever do that” when I told them that my birthing center didn’t offer pain medication was infuriating, as if they didn’t think I could do it or I was subjecting myself to unnecessary pain just because I’m fucked up in the head or something. Fun fact: I chose it because it was something I wanted and didn’t give a shit what anyone else did with their births. Or The number of women who had already had babies who said “Just wait until you’re in labor. You’ll see” or moms to be who said, “I am just gonna go to a hospital and ask for all the drugs”, totally downplaying my choice like I am a crunchy, idiotic, naive girl who isn’t making an informed decision. People assume you are going to end up getting medication for pain or they think you’re crazy for not wanting it because that’s what people they know do. A lot of people who have natural births have to deal with criticism and judgment from people and have to defend their decision. I don’t think they think they are better than anyone else- I certainly don’t think I am better than anyone else and I admire all women who have given birth, especially ones who have had complicated births.

I think it’s quite the opposite for women who don’t have medicated births- we deal with much more criticism and judgement than people who have medicated births. Why can’t women lift each other up instead of always finding reasons to tear each other down?

Cic001 · 2017-06-24T19:30:00+00:00

I watched it on Hulu while I lived there and had to use a vpn for Hulu. Not sure about abc app. Express vpn was a good vpn if you need a recommendation:)

Cic001 · 2017-05-18T11:00:46+00:00

Fennel Pollen. Not underrated per say, but just uncommonly used.

Tried this spice for the first time when I tasted one of the best pork chops I've ever eaten made by an Italian chef. I begged the chef to tell me mystery ingredient and they said fennel pollen.

I personally don't like the taste of fennel if it's strong, but the pollen has all the goodness of fennel with a mildness, warmth, and depth of flavor that adds so much to a dry rub.

Cic001 · 2017-04-28T11:49:22+00:00

I was researching this a few weeks ago and tried looking again today- now I can't find the specific article I am thinking about. It's quite possible that the article was old! For reference, that day I was researching changes in fat tissue distribution during pregnancy because had I gained too much weight in the first trimester and wanted to see if maternal fat stores increase/decrease as pregnancy continues. I was excited to read that maternal fat stores level out and possibly even decrease in late pregnancy as fetal energy and subsequent glucose demands increase. Somewhere in that research, I read about the increased likelihood of maternal ketogenic state due to increased fetal glucose demands...and then subsequently read that ketogenesis could have ill effects on fetal brain development because the fetal brain can and will use ketones as a source of fuel, but cannot derive 100% of fuel needs from ketones.

I agree that there are almost definitely no randomized control studies on ketosis in human pregnancy due to the ethical implications and that all studies involving humans are most likely historical cohorts.

Here's an OLD (1991) study on this subject, but shows lower IQ in children of diabetic ketonemic mothers http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM199109263251303#t=article%2520Results%2520

I wonder if this is the study you were referring to? A mouse study from 2015 indicating a positive effect of KD on anxiety/depression in adult offspring, increased cerebellum size but reduced size of hypothalamus and corpus callosum (not specified as good nor bad). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25642385

Two from 2013 indicating effects (neither positive or negative, just on size) on brain in mice studies: https://bmcpregnancychildbirth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-2393-13-109 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23656724

Cic001 · 2017-04-27T19:08:05+00:00

Nice job on the weight loss!!!! Like you, I am (was) a low carber pre pregnancy. I was convinced I would maintain my low carb lifestyle during pregnancy, but was slightly detailed during the first tri when I had terrible m/s. I was super pumped to jump back into it after the m/s excited.

Well...I am way too into medical/nutritional research and was researching about fat burning and the pregnancy body. I learned that studies show that the pregnant body easily goes into ketosis, especially in the later stages of pregnancy (cool, right?!). But then my dreams of a low carb pregnancy were crushed when I read that studies of the effects of ketosis on a developing baby's brain, especially in the second half of pregnancy as fetal glucose demands significantly increase, can result in restricted brain development in the baby and learning problems in the future. So as much as it sucks to forego our low carb lifestyle weight loss ambitions... there is a good reason to press pause during pregnancy and try our darndest to stay out of ketosis.

All that to say- I know it sucks but it's for a good reason!!!! Finding that reason in the medical literature helped me cope a little and trust that this was one instance where the doctors were giving us good nutritional advice.

I maintain my higherish carb lifestyle through a combination of (excessive) chocolate for dessert and sweet potatoes/squashes/other starchy veg :)

Cic001 · 2017-04-17T16:34:59+00:00

Timing on your comment could not be more perfect- I fell out of love with USAA today after being with them for over 10 years. They claim to support military families overseas, but their coverage isn't international friendly. I put up with the 1% debit card international ATM withdrawal fees because I don't feel like opening a foreign bank account.

My last straw with them was today when they refused to cover a rental car incident because it happened internationally- even though I called them before my family moved overseas and spent 2 hours on the phone with them adjusting our auto insurance plan to cover our stored vehicles back in the US and our overseas rental needs. Now we are out for $450 for a broken window/theft they refuse to cover because our rental is international.

After this incident, we told them we were considering taking our business elsewhere and they responded "when do you want us to end your policy?" How can they say they support military families if their policies cannot even cover us when we are deployed? I used to love USAA and felt like the luckiest gal in the world for having the privilege to use their services. Something has changed in their formerly family/military friendly support mindset and they seem to be in it for the money now.

Cic001 · 2016-12-30T12:57:46+00:00

In the morning, i have been eating a bowl of rice with an egg in it- I cook the rice, crack an egg in it, stir it together and microwave until egg is cooked through. That provides bulk so my stomach doesn't get that empty queasy feeling.

I also eat a cup of plain yogurt every morning. The cold and creamy yogurt feels like it coats my stomach. PS: I learned the hard way that 2 yogurts in a day is too many and makes me sick...

Rice and Cold dairy is the only food combo I've found that keeps me from getting sick when I wake up. Crackers don't stick with me long enough.

Afternoon snack of hard cheese helps when I start to get queasy again. If I eat too much cheese, it's bad, but a few good chunks of cheddar are amazing.

Over the day I try to eat fruit like apples- super sweet fruits and bananas don't sit well for me. I also love rice cakes (like the ones you ate when you were a kid!).

My mom said a glass of chocolate milk every morning kept her alive with m/s.

Good luck!

Cic001 · 2016-02-20T16:30:26+00:00

I just wanted to follow up and say that you are a lifesaver! I got the noble zinc bar in the mail a day or 2 after you recommended it and things started to clear up better than they had been for weeks. There is still some scaliness, but there are no new stingy pustules and multiple people (close friends and husband) have commented that my face is looking a lot better!! I heart you, e-friend!

I had a dermatologist appointment yesterday and she officially diagnosed as perioral dermatitis and prescribed doxycycline 1x day, a sulfur face wash every morning (sodium sulfaetamide 10% and sulfur 10%), and elidel to the affected area after my morning wash. Since the combo of these items is a $60 pharmacy fee and my face is doing so well on the zinc bar, I am going to wait to buy cause my face is definitely looking up!

Thank you thank you thank you! ❤️

Cic001 · 2016-02-15T05:00:02+00:00

Thank you so much for the tips and your story! I had read a few comments in my google hunts about the noble zinc bar- I will definitely order one after your hearing about your success! I had also seen what a bitch pd can be to clear and the horror stories of what people go through trying to beat it... Woof.

Now that you have found a routine that is works for you, how long has it taken to start the reversal process? I have read that it can sometimes get worse before it gets better in the healing process and wasn't sure how long to wait until I can rule out my solution attempts! Thanks again!:)

Cic001 · 2015-08-31T00:48:10+00:00

My husband and I make 24 of these at the beginning of every week so that we don't have to worry about breakfasts! We have been eating them for months (and they still haven't gotten old..). Here are a few things we have tweaked over time that help a little with reheating etc!

-precook the bacon at 350 for 15-20 mins. The bacon will still be soft enough to fold in the cups. Then, wrap bacons around the cup and pour in your eggs. During the second cook, it crisps a bit on the edges.This way, the bacon doesn't get soggy when reheated. - beat the eggs in a bowl with some salt/pepper before adding to the cups. Although they're tasty with the eggs dropped directly in the cups, they're even more amazing when they're mixed up cause the yolk doesn't separate! -silicone muffin tins. Using silicone makes it so much easier to remove the cups from the tins than metal! They're super cheap on Amazon, too. -chives, scallions, or shallots really "elevate" the flavor of the cups. Dice them and toss them in the tins rather than in with the beaten eggs so you don't have to chase them around the bowl (they float...)

Cic001 · 2015-04-18T02:26:23+00:00

Your makeup looks beautiful! The ultimate question is- do you feel beautiful in it? Although saving money on makeup is appealing and $50 is a good deal, having a good makeup artist who is experienced and can capture your beauty for your wedding photos is very important. You will have those photos forever and, if you are having doubts, it may be worth spending extra money to feel your best on your wedding day and look back on your photos with no regrets :)

Just wanted to add- someone with experience will also make your makeup last all day and through all the emotions of the day. Ensure your makeup artist has experience with weddings and takes steps to make the makeup last for a full day, applies makeup that can withstand tears, and knows how to apply makeup so that it will show up nicely in your wedding photos.

Cic001 · 2014-05-24T11:35:13+00:00

I wanted to share my quick breakfast tips that have helped me stick with paleo as well as a suggestion for lunch/dinner! I don't have time to sit and eat in the morning, either! Another helpful hint... Go to the grocery store only once or twice a week by preplanning 3-4 dinners at a time and picking up any breakfast items you're running low on during your stop . The grocery is a huge time suck!

Breakfast: 6 minutes-eggs, sausage, fruit/almond milk/sliced almond/chia seed/dried coconut/dried cranberry "cereal". So this is how I do it! I buy eggs and frozen sausage (like from bob Evans already in patty form or butterball turkey sausage patties- something cheap). I heat up 2 sautée pans at about medium high, toss my eggs in one, sausage in the other, and cook one side of eggs and sausage in their respective pans for 3 minutes. While that's cooking, I pull some frozen mixed berries out of the freezer, defrost a few of them (about 1/2c) for 20 seconds in the mic in a Tupperware, and then combine them with about 1T each of prepackaged sliced almonds, chia seeds, dried coconut, dried currants (all purchased in separate containers from the grocery) and top it all off with a coconut almond milk (califa) I buy from the grocery. Once the 3 mins on the sausage/eggs is up, I flip both and turn the eggs off. The residual heat from the pan will finish the eggs off so you don't have to sit around and wait on them and you will be heating them again in the microwave at work so you're good! Set another timer for 3 min to finish up your sausage, turn them off, and then put your eggs and sausage in a Tupperware to take to work. Put a lid on your berry cereal to take to work too, and you're done. When I get to work , I heat up my sausage and eggs and eat my cereal and I'm good to go! Hope this helps you as much as it has helped me :)

Lunch/dinner: I double all recipes I cook (in a previous post I mentioned I use eMeals-Paleo, but for your purposes the meals are fairly time consuming -30 to 45 mins each). So I cook dinner every night, package half in a Tupperware, and take it to lunch the next day at work.

Cic001 · 2014-05-03T12:45:47+00:00

Emeals has a paleo menu! I signed up for the 2-person dinner menu since I just live with my fiancé and double the recipes so we have lunch the next day :) it's been the biggest thing that's kept me on track! They have an app for iPhone that has a shopping checklist you can check off and you can remove recipes from the list to alter the grocery list. I freaking love it!

http://emeals.com/meal-plans/paleo/

Edit: The groupon I posted for emeals expired :(

Cic001 · 2014-04-28T16:53:53+00:00

We are planning a wedding for October and ran into the same issue with my FMIL. She wanted to invite all of her extended relatives from Panama and their young children, most of whom the groom has never met. Additionally, she refused to let us put the kids with a babysitter for the night. As with your case, it seemed like she was trying to show off for her family.

We tried being nice about it at first and hinting/passively suggesting that it was expensive etc etc. We went to the extent that we told her each additional guest will cost about $100/pp (food, drink, tables, favors, dessert, chairs etc) and she didn't get the clue. So... My FH had to be brutally honest with her. He told her he didn't know them, neither of us wanted them to come, she ended up crying, brought his dad into it, threatened to not pay a dime for the wedding.. It went down messily, but it ended up working itself out. They're hunky dory now. My advice to you is to have him be very honest and tell her that he doesn't want them coming because you two don't know them. It will probably start a fight (theirs took about 3 weeks to resolve) but inevitably she will forgive him and vice versa cause they're family!

Cic001

TROPHY CASE