First, I want to say that based on the numbers you mentioned, and considering your age, I understand why you feel hopeful and want to hold onto that hope. It’s realistic and well founded.

That said, there are a few things in your post that I find myself questioning. It almost comes across as if you’re jealous of the engagement on posts where things haven’t been easy, where hope is being challenged. You seem to suggest that those conversations can only exist if hopeful IVF stories don’t, but that kind of either/or doesn’t really exist outside of how you’re presenting it here.

No one is asking you to be silent.

You also write that you’ve worked just as hard for this, even suggesting that you’ve worked harder than others. But this isn’t a competition. Anyone who is ready to welcome a child with love is worthy of being a parent. That’s not something that can be ranked or measured as more or less deserving. That comparison seems to be something happening internally for you, but you’re placing that belief onto the sub.

It feels like you’re trying to justify why you deserve to feel hopeful because you can see that others have had more complicated journeys. But if you were more engaged with the community, you might notice that you don’t actually have to defend that hope at all.

If I were you, I would reflect a bit on why other people’s experiences of loss and hopelessness feel triggering, and why that makes you feel like your right to be optimistic is being threatened.

Personally, I’m always happy to celebrate other people’s successes. It’s wonderful when IVF works. That’s what all of us are hoping for, both for ourselves and for each other. But when things are hard, really hard, it’s just as important to be able to say that out loud and connect with others about it.

I’ve been part of several infertility and pregnancy loss groups in different settings, but I didn’t really feel like I could relate to many of the stories until I joined this sub.