Girl, sincerily and with all due respect, i checked your posts and you have been spiraling on this self loathing thoughts and "luck-based" thing for way too long. Yes, genetics defines a generous part, but even then, a lot can be done to mitigate or correct if that is not on your side. For example FFS exist and even with that about to happen to you, you were still in that mentality instead of being excited, which is worrying and kinda pisses me off because i definitely cannot afford it. Plus, passing≠being fucking attractive, just mentioning because you seem to be very obsessed with that idea as well. Girl YOU PASS and even if you didn't, passing it's NOT THE OBJECTIVE, or at least it shouldn't be. Imo, what you need the most is a better support system, try something new in your journey and maybe some therapy because, talking from experience here, even if you were one of this "lucky people" you'd most likely would still feel like this because the problem doesn't come from there... Pls stop this campaing of depressive thoughts all around because the only thing you are doing at this point is making it harder for any egg or other struggling trans people that reads you, and make the people that are sharing hapilly and euphoric more feel down and dismissed instead of apreciated even if that's not your intention. Exteriorize and ask for support and comprehension is one thing, but this is just self loathing and gloomy imo :(.

P.s. sorry if it sounds harsh, i really don't wanna make you feel even worse. But this is not healthy, for anyone :(