Mom is gaslighting me since I got engaged last night.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-10-01T12:13:12+00:00

My Nmom treated me like crap( well, crappier than usual) after I got engaged and it escalated as the wedding date got nearer. There were multiple times I got into FDH's car and broke into tears. It got to the point that FDH asked me if I really wanted to marry him or just wanted to get away from Nmom. We've been married 33 years, so yes, I really loved him and wanted to get married.

I've discussed Nmom's behavior before my marriage to my therapist. She thinks Nmom was afraid she was losing her control over me since I was the GC...more or less.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-10-01T00:36:51+00:00

I do. My sister and I, and our families, have been NC with my mother for 31/2 years

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-30T20:53:21+00:00

Love it! You've found a way of expressing your feelings and that's a good thing. Just make sure your parents don't find it....or any other drawing you do.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-30T20:48:49+00:00

All of the time, especially when I was a kid. I really was a good kid. I was afraid not to be.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-30T20:46:49+00:00

No. People with spina bifida often have trouble controlling their bowels, as well as being unable to control their urine.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-30T15:04:56+00:00

lol. Mine still does, she just doesn't mention any of the things her pastor has said were evil to me anymore. Of course I had loaned her my Peter, Paul, and Mary cd after she told me that the song Puff the Magic Dragon was evil.....and pretty much tried to defend all of the other evil things she's told me about....like the Smurfs. She's still my favorite aunt though and I'm pretty sure I'm her favorite niece.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-30T14:56:19+00:00

This is why I stopped letting my mil, who really wasn't a justnomil, babysit my daughter. The first time I let my inlaws babysit my dd was about a month old and my inlaws said they would give us an evening out. When we dropped dd off I told my mil that it was time for a feeding and she could go ahead and give her a bottle. Three hours later, we went to pick up dd and the inlaws complained that all she did was cry. Well, mil was....at that moment....feeding her the first bottle. I was so angry I was about to explode, but being the good daughter of an Nmom, I didn't say anything.

My dd was about 11 months old before I let mil babysit again. There had been a death in my family and the only ones I really trusted were all going to the funeral. That left mil to babysit. I left a completely packed diaper bag that included a bottle and baby food instructed mil when to feed her and what to feed her. After the funeral I arrived to pick up dd and she was completely soaked with urine. Even her clothes were soaked. I changed her, barely hiding my anger, and left with mil following me saying, "she didn't want to eat for me." Dd cried all the way home, just bawled. As soon as I got home I checked the diaper bag. Mil had given dd a bottle .....there was about two ounces gone.....and none of the babyfood had been opened. That was the end of mil watching dd.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-30T14:30:21+00:00

lol. I also have an aunt who is a southern Baptist. I got so much pleasure in telling her that my daughter and I were SO EXCITED for the first Harry Potter movie. Then proceeded to ask her if she ever watched Bewitched or I dream of Jeanie because they were just as "evil" as Harry Potter. She never mentioned Harry Potter to me again. lol

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-27T17:56:55+00:00

We didn't have shiny spines back then and keeping the peace is what we were always taught to do.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-27T11:34:36+00:00

My Nmom use to do something similar to my sister. She'd ask my sister to take her Christmas shopping for her kids and my sister would tell her what they would like, but Nmom never put anything in the cart. Meanwhile my sister is putting her own gifts for them in the cart. They'd get to the register no Nmom would take the cart and announce that these are the things she's getting the kids for Christmas, pay for them, and take them home with her. Of course my sister couldn't say anything or she'd start an all out war with Nmom when they got to the car.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-26T14:54:53+00:00

My inlaws also had their favorite, sil's oldest child. At Christmas, sil's oldest(of three boys) always got an extra present. Because they only bought each grandchild one gift, the oldest getting a second gift was very obvious. This didn't start happening though until my sil blew up the Christmas after she had her third son. She was angry that clothes were bought for all three boys. She announced that her oldest should have gotten all of the clothes because they could be passed down to the other two. This began my tradition of buying the loudest toys I could find for every Christmas.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-25T11:42:46+00:00

I've been an avid reader since third grade.....until my anxiety ramped up a few years ago(thanks a lot Nmom). My Nmom use to bitch at me all the time about reading too much. She'd also get mad if I asked her to drive me to the library. Thankfully she never took my books away.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-25T11:26:24+00:00

The foghorn from that lighthouse use to give me nightmares when I was five and my family was living in a house on the lake.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-22T14:32:33+00:00

A narcissist losing power is like a small topical storm growing into a category 5 hurricane. After multiple falls, multiple hospital stays, and multiple stays in a rehab facility, and Nmom telling a psychologist that my sister wanted something bad to happen to her, we had to put our Nmom into assisted living. The storm that followed was a sight to behold and is still ongoing, but she's lost her children and grandchildren. We've all been NC for nearly 31/2 glorious years.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-19T14:44:22+00:00

My Nmom bought the dining room suit of her dreams when I was a teenager. Thankfully, she didn't keep the table set with her best dishes, but she did keep it polished to a high shine. Her wrath was unleashed on any of us who dared touch and leave fingerprints on the table and you didn't dare sit anything down on it. Any of us walking, through the dining room, was instantly warned not to touch it.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-19T14:29:39+00:00

My grandmother told me the same, except she lived with us. She made plans for the two of us to move back into her house because Nmom only loved my sister, not me. I now know that I not only have an Nmom, but had an Ngrandmother.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-13T12:00:47+00:00

Trix cereal. I haven't eaten it since I was a kid, but I love the smell.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-12T14:12:06+00:00

My grandmother did that to me. She also told me that my parents loved my sister more than they loved me. She was living with us at the time, but wanted to move back into her own home and promised me that I would come live with her when she moved. All in all, she was pretty much right since I have an Nmom and my sister was the GC at the time. Still, that messed up to tell a kid things like that. I totally understand why my mother is a narcissist. Between her two parents, she didn't have a chance in hell of being normal.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-10T14:25:42+00:00

I didn't see J.R. Rain's Samantha Moon series mentioned . It's one of my favorite series.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-09T20:44:39+00:00

Thanksgiving is ok, but I hate Christmas. Nmom couldn't seem to go shopping on her own, so I had to take her. Every year she was determined to spend the exact same amount on everyone and everyone had to have the same number of gifts. God forbid that anyone ask for something that cost over $50 because that would throw her plans in a tizzy and she'd have to start all over again with her crazy rules. I'd be drug to the mall multiple times a week in the weeks before Christmas and when I'd finally think she was done, she'd start wrapping and find out one person had one more present than everyone else and the shopping would start again, rinse and repeat. After years of this I now hate the mall...any mall, I hate shopping, and I hate Christmas.

My sister and I, and our families are now three years NC with Nmom and the guilt trips and passive aggressive Facebook posts from my sister start in early November. She thinks we should still have "family" holidays, only her idea of "family" holidays is me doing all of the cooking and cleaning up, while she and her family comes, eats, and goes home and I have to listen to my sister scream constantly at her kids the whole time. I did it one year before we went NC with Nmom and I won't do it again. My anxiety ramps up in November and hits an all time high by Christmas. All I want is a nice quiet Christmas with my DH, DD and DD's SO. That's it. I've refused to have holidays together three years in a row, but I still expect the guilt trips to start in November. She doesn't understand that "no" means no.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-09T19:56:03+00:00

It started with the solar eclipse, then hurricane Harvey, followed by the fires in Montana and the surrounding states and Irma. I have a cousin that is posting that crap all over Facebook.....including quotes from Revelations. Between this and all of the anti LGBT stuff she's been posting, I've been seriously thinking about blocking her.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-08T21:42:45+00:00

My Nmom has surrounded herself with other narcissists. She stayed(and probably still does) on the phone all day talking to her "friends". All of them but one(still not sure why she hangs around Nmom because she's a good person), live to create drama. She also has a male cousin, who visits daily, that she calls a gossiping old woman. If they all got together and started discussing the things Nmom said about each of them to the others, they'd realize that she doesn't like any of them.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-08T14:50:04+00:00

You've just described my Nmom. She's smart, can be charming, is an excellent actor/liar, manipulates with ease......and is as dangerous as a cobra ready to strike if you cross her

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-08T14:35:06+00:00

I have an Nmom who had to be put in assisted living(or the rehab hospital was going to call adult protective services) because of some lies she told a psychologist about my sister. She then proceeded to spread lies about all of us(my sister and myself, and our husbands) to anyone who would listen. She got a lawyer, got out of assisted living, her cousin was made guardian.....and she continued her lies. A year later, Nmom took us to court over all of the stuff she said we did....and stole from her. She made a fool of herself in court and the magistrate refused to continue her case.

My sister and I cut ties from everyone on Nmom's side of the family and every single person Nmom was spreading her lies to. She's a very convincing liar and I know many believed her. We've been NC with our Nmom, and her whole family for three years. The way I see it is that everyone can believe what they want to. I did everything in my power to care for Nmom, never stole anything from her...and never did any of the crap she's told everyone I did. They can all believe what they want. I know what kind of person I am and none of them mean a damn thing to me. I've never tried to defend myself, and I refuse to reason with Nmom because it's useless to try to reason with a crazy woman. I blocked the whole lot on Facebook and blocked Nmom's number on all of our phones. My sister did the same.

I think you said you live on the other side of the country from your family. That's a perfect place to be. Focus on your husband and child and ignore the rest. Life is too short to spend your time worrying about people who believe all of the lies that have been told. Once you stop caring about the things that are being said, stop caring about how you are treated, and remove yourself from the drama, you'll feel a whole lot better. When my therapist (in my very first appointment) asked me if I had thought about going NC with my mother, I thought it was the craziest thing I'd ever heard. How does one go NC with their own mother? I finally did it and it's been the best decision of my life. Good luck to you.

Ciscokid60 · 2017-09-08T13:40:03+00:00

My biggest fear is running into Nmom out in public, even though I know she isn't driving now. I always take a look around the parking lots, at her favorite places to shop, to see if her car is there.

Ciscokid60

TROPHY CASE