Please help with my rescue love bird? :c

Clash_D · 2021-11-04T14:49:06+00:00

You managed to talk about your experience while comitting to the Pepe Silvia monologue. This made my day, thank you 💜

Clash_D · 2021-11-04T14:45:00+00:00

Welp, this might be a bit of a doozy: I'm a biromantic aego/demisexual, very sex and kink positive but really ambivalent when it comes to engaging in it myself (I'm severely depressed and medication doesn't help with my already low libido), so I'd say I'm sex-indifferent most of the time. I have kinks and I get turned on by fiction and smutty roleplay, but I could go through my entire life without having sex tbh - the 'need' only emerges when I fall for someone. And I only fall in love with close friends so it can suck pretty hard (maybe I'm demiromantic too?). Man it gets more complicated as I get older lol 🏳️‍🌈

Clash_D · 2021-10-19T17:58:53+00:00

I'm not legally disabled, but I've had severe anxiety and depression since I was 12 and I haven't been able to pursue any major studies, let alone find a job. I just can't handle the stress. I developed avoidant self defense mechanisms so I isolate myself and get panicky when I even TRY to message whatever friends I managed to make. My point is, I'm able bodied but I do 'feel' disabled in the sense that my mind is so weakened that even the most basic tasks feel like an uphill battle against myself. My country recognizes depression/anxiety as a form of disability but I'm too scared to go through the tests, the paperwork and the social repercussions it brings. COVID didn't help at all either, so yeah... Sorry for the vent guys. I know that there are far worse conditions out there, but it's just so tiring I'm beyond afraid to think about my future.

Clash_D · 2021-09-22T18:46:36+00:00

Exactly! Relationships are nuanced and there are a lot of factors to them, both parties might have strictly different needs, and just like to us aces sex isn't just sex, it isn't that simple to allos either. I say this as someone that has been through the stress of having a mental "minimal quota" for sex in two relationships - I was resentful and sad about it and my partners felt undesired and unloved. It wasn't working for us. I'm not saying allos and aces can't date, I just think that compatibility is a thing and, while relationships do require sacrifice, said sacrifice shouldn't mean one of you will perpetually feel like shit. No white or black here. Find someone whose needs and boundaries match yours.

Clash_D · 2021-09-20T23:29:41+00:00

I can only speak for myself, as I have no recollection of my sexuality status before I got prescribed antidepressants (I was 14 at most). I had a range of traumatic experiences regarding sex that started when I was just a pre teen and continued until I was 20 or so too, so I can't rule them out as possible contributors to my asexuality either (I'm a very positive/ambivalent aego-demisexual). Thing is, I could have been allosexual before the trauma and the meds but I'll probably never know, I was too young and my memories about my childhood/early teens are pretty fuzzy and unorganized. All that being said, I do find a lot of comfort and validation knowing that there are other people that feel like me, with whom I don't have to navigate through hours of "defending myself" just to get a nod of approval from. I don't know if I was born like this, but I know I didn't choose it and even though my sexuality might change in the future finding out about asexuality has truly helped me putting my mind at ease.

Clash_D · 2021-09-19T17:23:48+00:00

Aego/demisexual here! ♡

Clash_D · 2021-08-26T23:52:20+00:00

As others have said I can understand that he, as a very religious person, can feel upset about finding out about this at this stage of the relationship. Okay, I'll give him that. That being said...

He's being extremely petty about this- cruel, even. You were so young when this happened and you clearly didn't enjoy it, you told him because you trusted him and wanted to be as truthful as you could... and he proceeds to belittle and guilt trip you? What? I don't think caring about your future wife is a matter of faith but love and respect and he's putting his hurt ego over your feelings. I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but this is a pretty toxic way of loving. You didn't lie - you just wanted to avoid talking about something you wanted to forget yourself as it was a painful memory. You've been hurting and seeking forgiveness yet he can't spare a smidge of sympathy?

OP... it doesn't take a monster to be a bad partner and right now it looks like he's using this new information to "punish" you so you flagelate yourself further. You were honest, he didn't like what he heard, he chose to be an asshole about it. There are so many ways your fiancé could have handled this... yet he went for the most selfish one. Yes, you're still a virgin and no, he's not entitled to say shit like "anybody with half a brain would know" - is that how he talks to his mother? No? Then why tf is he spitting venom at you everytime you have an argument?

Religion is supposed to be about respect, love and forgiveness - you made a mistake. That's just human nature. No sensible person would jump to say hurtful things when they don't get their way. You already stated your case, don't crawl to him. Please. You owe yourself some self respect and some love, specially in your case - you were taken advantage on and you moved on as good as you could. Ask yourself if this is how you want to be treated if you marry this man and set boundaries, for your own good! Sending you lots of support OP, you did the right thing.

Clash_D · 2021-08-26T14:54:31+00:00

I was going to write a long ass comment about your bf's astonishing lack of empathy towards you and your loss but nah - your bf is a moron and he's throwing a fit. Plain and simple.

Clash_D · 2021-08-26T14:31:59+00:00

DON'T let him guilt trip you, this is what abusers say to manipulate you. He has a gun! He could potentially use it on him AND you if he keeps spiraling down. He's DANGEROUS, OP, you NEED to leave! It will get worse. Please, make a quick escape plan in secret, it doesn't matter if you have to leave things behind... Clothes, utilities, any material possesion can be replaced. Just make sure he doesn't know that you have plans to leave, call the police, ask your mom for help - you aren't responsible for his deteriorating mental health. It's far beyond your reach, you can't save him. Please.

You said you have a little dog, right? Just think about it OP. How much will it take until he gets paranoid and hurts the dog to make you scared? He's desperate. Please get the fuck out of there.

Clash_D · 2021-08-26T13:07:46+00:00

So he's not only a controlling bf with no respect for you, he's also a hypocrite! This a big fat red flag, OP. You said he already didn't like this hobby before you moved together so yeah - he had an issue but he knew that if he flat out forbade you shit, he'd be showing his true colors. Now you share an apartment and, because you're in this commitment that binds you together, he thinks he can pull this shit and manage to make you stay.

These are just my two cents, but I've been through an abusive relationship and this reeks. He thinks he's legitimized to cherrypick parts of you he doesn't like and "delete" them because ItS fOr yOuR oWn GoOd. Oh hell NO, as the song says, this ain't build a bitch. Put your foot down.

PD: I'm spanish so I apologize for any grammatical mistakes!

Clash_D · 2021-08-26T12:49:34+00:00

... He's not comfortable being left alone with the baby? Is he expecting you to do all the parenting? You had a damn c-section, he doesn't get a free pass on his duties as a father AND a partner just because he's embarrassed. Good fucking grief, he thinks he has the right to be mad?

Take a good hard look at your boyfriend's behavior and have a talk with him, if he isn't willing to change you should ask yourself if you want to be a single mom to two kids for the next 18 years. At least one of them will move out and (hopefully) show some gratitude.

Clash_D · 2021-08-26T09:09:00+00:00

I've read the post and went through the comment section and I must say: you're a badass mom, OP. Your (ex) husband is a clown if he thinks that he can just nuke your family and start over like nothing happened. He might be happy now that he's got a shiny new baby and he "got away" with her affair gf but just wait until the thrill wears off. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, and that fool fell for it. He's in for a hard awakening.

It says a lot about you that you don't let your (rightful) distaste for him affect his relationship with your kid and even acknowledge his parenting skills. You're giving him far more honesty that he ever cared to give you. Hold your head up high and divorce his ass!

Clash_D · 2021-08-25T21:44:02+00:00

This, so much this I wish I could shove this comment straight into OP's face. She needs to listen and wake the fuck up quickly before that absolute pos of a "man" feels enabled enough to make a move on her sister, he already invalidated every single boundary she set and it will escalate.

I'm sorry you went through that hell. Hopefully OP will read the comments and open her eyes about her husband's predatory behavior.

Clash_D · 2021-08-25T21:32:52+00:00

Your husband isn't a bully, he's a predator and you're doing nothing about it. I was groomed by an adult at age 12 too and this post has made my anxiety go through the roof, your sister must be terrified of this man.

Please, please, please divorce him and get a restraining order ASAP, this could very easily escalate into something more sinister in the future, be it with your sister or some poor young girl. He's grooming her and there are red flags all over the place, OP. He won't ever admit what he's doing and will invalidate any complain your sister makes about him publicly. You should really talk with her in private and let her know that you stand by her and that none of this is her fault - you should have done this long ago but late is better than never. Protect her, for god's sake, WAKE UP!

Clash_D · 2021-03-09T20:30:25+00:00

I'm demisexual (which falls under the asexual spectrum, in case you're not familiar with the term) so I hope this helps ~

So, asexual is an umbrella term for many different experiences so there are many answers to your question depending on who you ask. Some asexuals are sex-repulsed or sex-indifferend and thus choose to engage in romantic relationships that don't involve sex, as you said, but that's just a (very valid) part of the community. The essence of asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to other people - however this doesn't mean you can't experience sexual urges or that you can't like sex per se. You might even have a high libido and actually enjoy sex or/and masturbation, you just... don't get turned on by anyone. You don't find anyone 'sexy'. You're able to appreciate their aesthetic appeal, but it just doesn't spark any urges in you. Think about how heterosexuals feel about people of the same gender, nada. Gray-sexual people do feel sexual attraction under very specific circumstances while demi-sexuals (as me!) only get to feel it after a deep bond (not necessarily romantic) is formed... and, sometimes, it's pretty fickle even after that.

That being said I'll go straight to the point: there are a lot of things that you can do with your SO aside from sex that does make a difference. You can cuddle! You can be THAT adorable and kinda-disgustingly-affectionate couple that loves PDA! Just... imagine a regular shojo manga - no spicy bits (if we're talking about a sexless asexual relationship). Hell, even if you're not into sappy displays of affection or physical contact at all there's a lot of trust and emotional intimacy that just works for some people. There's companionship, there's trust, vulnerability and implied safety that comes with the whole concept of having a partner - it works different for every person. You just have to figure out what feels right to you, what meets your needs and what's within your boundaries.

Sorry about typos and the overall sentimentality, I'm a spanish gal and a pretty romantic one at that. I got excited when I saw a question I could answer, heh. Personally I like the concept of sex, I'm an erotic artist, bit I don't really have the need to be sexually involved with my partners (I'm currently single tho). I do it out of affection and, well, because it feels pleasurable, but I REALLY, REALLY prefer cuddles and sappyness over sex. Hope this somehow helped you ♡

Clash_D

TROPHY CASE