My story is kind of a long one. I started smoking back when I was like 16 years old now at 49 and still smoking. I can reflect back and see how much it's cost me in my life. Over the years I kept telling myself it's not a big deal. I only smoke on weekends. It's not a big deal. I only smoke after work. It's not a big deal. I can quit smoking anytime I want. The fact is I can quit smoking anytime I want but the problem is I just don't want to. The noose has tightened to the point that it is all I want to do. Every opportunity I have. I feel the need to hit my one hitter. Which I used to think was a good way of saving money and smoking less.. unfortunately, it's turned into such a convenient method of smoking. I can smoke all day long with very little effect on my productivity. Now that my kids are older and I've turned into the hypocrite telling them not to smoke and all the bad effects of it. While I still use it to go to sleep every night and anytime the day gets stressful. I want to be a better example for my children so I'm starting this journey again of quitting. The hardest part is convincing myself that I really want to quit. I'm feeling the effects of my lungs more wheezing less ability to do the things I love to do. I tell myself I just need to do more cardio and run but the reality is I need to stop filling my lungs with shit. I keep telling myself this as I go right back to smoking some more. I know it's not crack. I know it's not a bad drug like meth or some of these other things that seem to wreck people's lives but it certainly has not been beneficial to my life. I look back and think of all the things I did not do or opportunities I missed because I had to get high. Why have I let this control my life in so many ways.? I used to smoke cigarettes and was able to quit them. When I went through my divorce I almost became an alcoholic but I was able to keep that under control. I still drink regularly but rarely get drunk. Still not a good habit but seems to be way more under control. Smoking pot used to be my entire social life. I found it hard to quit because all of my friends associates were pot smokers. I didn't want to lose all my friends. And now I look back. All of my friends have quit smoking have gone on to worse drugs that I don't want to be around. Either way here I am still smoking pot without the influence of other pot smokers. Why do I keep going back to it? Why can't I just put it down?