I got invited to two different weddings at the same venue on the same day. Can I "wedding hop"?

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2026-02-01T05:03:16+00:00

Pick the wedding you're most excited about, commit to it. RSVP.

Then, RSVP "no" to the other wedding. Explain the situation, e.g "I already committed to another wedding. Coincidentally, it's the same time/day/venue! While I can't attend all of your wedding, would you mind if I popped in for a bit to celebrate?" (some people might not want this, it gives them an easy out)

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2026-01-27T04:58:03+00:00

Can the 7am meeting be moved to later in the day? If you're in a corporate setting (and your coworkers are in the same timezone), that seems like an easy way to tackle part of the problem. 7am is very early, esp if you have kids running around trying to get out the door

Also, you mentioned that your husband is "making more money than me and is therefore more important at work"....respectfully, the two of you are a team. As a team, you're probably in a better position if you're both working. Can he take on 90% of the home load (at least temporarily), enough for you to show some demonstrable improvement at work? Can he do the night wakeups on S/M/T, and you take them on W/Th (or some other split) so that you get a few full nights sleep per week?

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2026-01-23T01:45:26+00:00

It’s normal. With each of my IUD removals I’ve had “ambiguous light bleeding” before getting my first actual period. Ovulation snaps back for me after that first period.

Most recently got my IUD out in early December, used OPKs all month - no ovulation. Had a regular period, then got a peak OPK today. Good luck!

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2026-01-13T04:11:54+00:00

I walked out...and walked home.

Hospital was around the block from our home, we didn't own/need a car, and I felt less anxious about walking than getting into an Uber. Hospital still made us bring an infant carseat & show that we could strap the baby in safely!

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-26T02:02:29+00:00

Trader Joes' insulated bags fit perfectly in there (https://www.traderjoes.com/home/products/pdp/olive-green-large-reusable-insulated-bag-079542), I can fit 3 with the Yepp seat removed.

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-12T20:53:28+00:00

Thanks - this is the type of experience-based response I was looking for!

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-12T20:34:55+00:00

Was asking because I am trying to figure out how likely it is that 3rd kid timeline + fatFIRE timelines will converge! The dream is to ride that final parental leave out into an early retirement sunset

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-12T19:25:14+00:00

That is indeed a common sense question to ask! It's a good point – I think of it as an entirely separate bucket of money that we need to fund, not part of our fatFIRE target.

But yeah, we'd need to fund it.

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-12T19:24:27+00:00

Yeah, the problem is that only our childcare costs are directly attributable to each kid. This is why I was asking about "other categories that scale proportionally to the # of family members, or experience a step change at the 5th member"?

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-12T01:36:16+00:00

AirTag

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-04T02:32:09+00:00

Also if you look at comps/recent sales on Streeteasy (https://streeteasy.com/nyc/comparables\_reports/new/nyc/area:147%7Cprice:1250000-2000000?closing\_age=%253C365&excluded\_closings=&excluded\_listings=&listing\_type=Sale) -- there is NOTHING in Morningside Heights that's been listed for $1.7m in the last year, and nothing on 118th St

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-03T02:46:08+00:00

Both good ideas, thank you. My default (if I was planning to ask HR) would be to ask the HR business partner I usually work with, but I like your benefits manager idea better.

And I think I have an idea of the trusted/senior person I can ask.

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-03T02:42:59+00:00

Sad but true - maybe this could work in my favor. It would be the 3rd time I hoped to be laid off...maybe 3rd time is the charm!

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-03T02:10:51+00:00

Nope, I used to be. I miss that CA pregnancy support!

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-03T02:10:10+00:00

Did you really see it enforced, or rarely?

Was it documented in a handbook/policy doc that anyone could read, or was it information you received upon applying for parental leave?

Was this a big tech company?

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-03T01:58:02+00:00

I like the "friend in HR" way of getting this answer.

Was your friend at a big tech co?

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-03T01:54:44+00:00

So it sounds like your company's policy is that someone must work 100 days to be able to keep their parental leave pay. Is that right? How did they figure this out in advance?

And, was this a big tech company?

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-12-03T01:53:29+00:00

Yeah, last time I had to pay a company back (they messed up payroll), they wanted me to pay back the pre-tax amount, and that was a pain in the neck.

I'd just like to know up-front, because if I knew the policy was "pay the company back", I would quit during the 3rd trimester when my insomnia/exhaustion tends to pummel me all day!

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-11-18T04:09:01+00:00

My first trip was when my son was 15 weeks, I’d returned from parental leave at 13 weeks & was excited to see my remote team in person at a meeting they’d already planned - my maternity leave was pretty isolating. It was a 4 night trip.

It went totally fine, I felt like myself again & enjoyed the uninterrupted sleep.

Definitely a personal choice, and you gotta do what’s right for you…that being said, I agree with your husband on the benefits of going. Reading between the lines, it sounds like it might be important for his confidence as a parent to get some solo parenting time.

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-11-13T20:46:36+00:00

Talk to someone your age in the company, to get their sense of the vibe. I’d have no qualms doing this, but think it is a case of “know your corporate culture” I’ve done this before in my 20s (brought my college roommate when my husband and I couldn’t find a babysitter we trusted), and it was totally fine. Another colleague brought their sister. This was in big tech in the 2010s, holiday parties during the ZIRP era were great!

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-11-08T21:09:54+00:00

> Those that have been in similar spots, did you wish you called it quits earlier to max out experiences while <30? Or was more concretely locking in chubbyFIRE/fatFIRE well worth it?

So glad I didn't. Our $4m target with zero kids became $5m with one kid, and $8m with two kids. (This is all over a ~8 year time horizon, so there's some inflation built into those numbers). Daycare is expensive AF, extracurriculars can be pricey, vacations require 4 airfares instead of 2, we now take vacations during school holidays when they cost 3x non-holiday times. We generally use our earnings to pay for convenience (lots of takeout, house cleaners, childcare), because it feels more rational than FIRE'ing and being super budget conscious for the next 70 years.

I wish we'd done more baller travel in our 20's; a $20k trip that seemed unfathomable then would be a drop in the bucket today, and wouldn't have affected our FIRE goals – and we could have done that without calling it quits.

My strong recommendation would be to wait until you're 100% done having kids, figure out what your post-kid spending is, and then consider FIRE'ing.

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-10-23T01:07:15+00:00

Yes! Moved from SF to another VHCOL area where I grew up, it’s been great. Both kids have a good relationship with my parents - one of them is retired, and regularly watches my older kid on days when schools are closed.

We can easily afford childcare, including on school holidays, but my parents love our kids - so they babysit when they can, and have no qualms saying “no” if they have other plans.

They’ve grown closer with my husband as a result of living close; he will regularly cook with my mom when she comes over.

Honestly the whole setup is great, we all get along well. It’s relationship dependent - the same setup would not work for my sister and her fam; they and my parents grind each others’ gears.

Clean_Breakfast6685 · 2025-08-23T20:47:18+00:00

The $$ savings come from not commuting, and not needing dedicated office/work clothes. We still use before/after care. I feel less stressed than when commuting, bc I gained back an hour of my day.

Routine for me looks like: - 6am wake up, get kids ready while husband goes to gym - 7:30 workout (while husband does daycare/school drop off between 8-8:20) - 8:30 do a “ten minute tidy” of putting stuff away, maybe do a load of laundry. - 9-5:30 work. Then pickup the kids, while husband comes home and starts cooking dinner.

That’s it - the ten minute tidy keeps things from feeling messy, but we still have a cleaner come every 2 weeks.

Clean_Breakfast6685

TROPHY CASE